under-trying as coin of the realm?

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I think so. Because if and when I come on too strong, it’s makes people suspicious and pushes them away.

Under-trying can still very much be kind and engaged in what the person is saying.

It’s just being more everyday about it if we discover that we have such-and-such in common, because most likely, a lot of people have that in common.

And I’m thinking not so much conformity as engagement with where people are.

Your ideas please.

Yep. This does indeed happen.


Whether "a lot of people have that in common" depends on what "that" is. Another problem is that some people are not interested in the kind of companionship that revolves around having interests in common, but are more interested in seeking novelty.

If you do have specific interests and a desire for companionship involving those specific interests, then there's nothing wrong with seeking out people who share those interests. The easiest and least awkward way to do this might be to start a group devoted to whatever topic or activity happens to be your special interest, if such a group does not already exist near you.


Yes, engagement with where other people are is generally a good thing to do in conversation.

Hi, thank you for your whole post , but particularly for this point.

This might also explain why people sometimes want a little of me — such as one good conversation — but not more. Which I guess is okay, I mean, it has to be. Even though it does sometimes hurt.