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blitzkrieg
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07 Feb 2022, 7:17 pm

This is a good article on the subject of social masking at work. No, you are not a fake if you change your personality, according to context - whether that be being a Dad at home if you are a Dad at home, or being a Mum at home if you are at home, or being a supervisor at a retail store, or being a computer programmer, or whatever a persons job is.

The more an Autistic is able to socially mask, and the better an Autistic person is able to socially mask - the more successful they will be in a world dominated by NT's. It is that simple.

It is okay to be a big child - but don't try to tear down other Autistic folk who are trying to be an adult, in some respects, at least.

Those Autistic adults that you see as fake, are probably incredibly stressed and mentally unhealthy on some level, but there are also mental/cognitive benefits to having a place in society within the work sector, for some people, anyway.

Everyone is an individual - treat everyone like an individual and you will be considered socially intelligent by others.



HighLlama
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08 Feb 2022, 4:51 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Everyone is an individual - treat everyone like an individual and you will be considered socially intelligent by others.


I think this is very important. The downside, for me though, is people tend to really flock to you. They're not used to being treated like people. so they can become very attached. And then no one really treats you like an individual, because they want to dump their needs on you.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 5:05 am

HighLlama wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Everyone is an individual - treat everyone like an individual and you will be considered socially intelligent by others.


I think this is very important. The downside, for me though, is people tend to really flock to you. They're not used to being treated like people. so they can become very attached. And then no one really treats you like an individual, because they want to dump their needs on you.


I suppose it depends on how skilled you are & confident you are in asserting your boundaries? Telling people outright that you are sociable, yet wish to have a lot of alone time due to Autism is a thing. I am open about my diagnosis everywhere I go now and have been since I got my official diagnosis back in 2017.



HighLlama
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08 Feb 2022, 5:18 am

Yes, the boundaries are definitely important. I don't have a diagnosis, but am starting an assessment soon. Even though I work with autistic people, I'm not sure I'll be open about a diagnosis if I get one.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 5:47 am

HighLlama wrote:
Yes, the boundaries are definitely important. I don't have a diagnosis, but am starting an assessment soon. Even though I work with autistic people, I'm not sure I'll be open about a diagnosis if I get one.


People will feel safer around you if they know what is different about you, though this has its drawbacks - including other people discriminating against your disability, underestimating you because of that etc.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 6:15 am

HighLlama
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08 Feb 2022, 6:20 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Yes, the boundaries are definitely important. I don't have a diagnosis, but am starting an assessment soon. Even though I work with autistic people, I'm not sure I'll be open about a diagnosis if I get one.


People will feel safer around you if they know what is different about you, though this has its drawbacks - including other people discriminating against your disability, underestimating you because of that etc.


I'm not arguing with that. You're exactly right. My problem is they do feel safe around me, they just don't think I also have wants and needs. It's as if they belief I don't exist when they're not around.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 7:49 am

HighLlama wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
Yes, the boundaries are definitely important. I don't have a diagnosis, but am starting an assessment soon. Even though I work with autistic people, I'm not sure I'll be open about a diagnosis if I get one.


People will feel safer around you if they know what is different about you, though this has its drawbacks - including other people discriminating against your disability, underestimating you because of that etc.


I'm not arguing with that. You're exactly right. My problem is they do feel safe around me, they just don't think I also have wants and needs. It's as if they belief I don't exist when they're not around.


Same. To NT's, once you are put into the disabled category, you are frozen out of dating them as most NT's will not date a neurodiverse individual.

Which is why I gave up a long time ago pretending to be NT, despite the fact that I am better at this than most Autistic folk.



HighLlama
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08 Feb 2022, 4:37 pm

I think I just lucked out that most don't like my personality or appearance :D



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 7:10 pm

HighLlama wrote:
I think I just lucked out that most don't like my personality or appearance :D


Eh, there will be someone, somewhere for you. You will only ever meet a fraction of the people that exist, based on geographical factors and so on.



1986
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08 Feb 2022, 7:27 pm

Masking during work is a necessity. Even when masking, autistic folks are different enough to just be barely tolerated in a team. So it's a kind of double problem where you both have to hide your true self and learn to let criticism of the true self that nevertheless seeps through not affect you personally. Perhaps it'll change in 20 years or so. At least we have awareness now, so acceptance doesn't seem as much an unattainable idea as it was 20 years ago.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 7:29 pm

1986 wrote:
Masking during work is a necessity. Even when masking, autistic folks are different enough to just be barely tolerated in a team. So it's a kind of double problem where you both have to hide your true self and learn to let criticism of the true self that nevertheless seeps through not affect you personally. Perhaps it'll change in 20 years or so. At least we have awareness now, so acceptance doesn't seem as much an unattainable idea as it was 20 years ago.


Agreed. Things have improved in the past 20 years, but it takes a long time for people unaffected to get their heads around the problem, especially if they don't have any interest or knowledge of psychology, neurology or the brain in general, which most people do not.



1986
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08 Feb 2022, 7:37 pm

Part of the problem is also that autistic people are, usually by definition, not great at social matters and as such don't understand or can't do advocacy, especially as a united group. Physically disabled people or sexual minorities still have as much social ability as any regular chap so they easily band together to let their needs be heard. To me, autistic people tend to be like singular planets each orbiting in their own universe so it's hard to bring them together to raise awareness further and bring acceptance about. I'm guilty of this mindset myself.

Put two aspies together in a workplace and you'll sadly see them competing for the "who is the least disabled" prize rather than working together to improve their shared situation. Maybe I'm being overly harsh here, though, sorry if I am.



blitzkrieg
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08 Feb 2022, 7:43 pm

1986 wrote:
Part of the problem is also that autistic people are, usually by definition, not great at social matters and as such don't understand or can't do advocacy, especially as a united group. Physically disabled people or sexual minorities still have as much social ability as any regular chap so they easily band together to let their needs be heard. To me, autistic people tend to be like singular planets each orbiting in their own universe so it's hard to bring them together to raise awareness further and bring acceptance about. I'm guilty of this mindset myself.

Put two aspies together in a workplace and you'll sadly see them competing for the "who is the least disabled" prize rather than working together to improve their shared situation. Maybe I'm being overly harsh here, though, sorry if I am.


You are correct.

In my last workplace, a retail place, I banded together with three other disabled folk & we were a team. I mentored one in particular, giving him emotional support and taught him extra skills that he had not been encouraged to use before.

A lot of workplaces simply pigeonhole people with disabilities, because they are inflexible in finding a job for them that they can do and want them to fit some NT criteria of measurement & to work in a very specific way that can be measured by management etc.

This is difficult for any disabled person to achieve.