Need help, how do I stop making others "cringe"

Post Reply New Topic

Yesterday I was chatting with a new friend and my efforts to establish a new relationship backfired, as a mutual friend told me on their behalf that I made them "cringe" i.e. made them uncomfortable (wouldn't be the first time).

I really need some advice here because I can't afford to repeat that same mistake again. And I doubt it'll make any difference if it was another genuine accident or not. It feels like anything I say or do is a gamble of my own reputation among others because whether I'm "cringe" or not seems mainly based on THEIR judgment alone.

unfortunately, this is a problem related to Theory Of Mind, IOW knowing what frame of reference your new acquaintance resides within mentally, and conforming to that frame of reference.

What do you do exactly what makes these people cringe?

______________________________________________________________________

sometimes someone cringes at me.

they do not all cringe for the same reason.

they are not always aware of the reason why they cringe.

they might not tell you why they cringe.

there is something wrong with everything.

"thin line between love and hate"

"chop wood and carry water"

38 gave up on social interactions a long time ago.

i've been permanently wounded and traumatized.

outnumbered overpowered outsmarted

i wish i could live in wrong planet.net in lieu of the outside world. i calm myself and soothe myself by telling myself, "self, the outer world is bad news."

Did the mutual friend tell you more specifically what you did that made the other person cringe? If not, ask.

There's no magic formula for avoiding all mistakes. You just have to learn from experience and whatever feedback (the more specific, the better) people are willing to give you.

There are also some general sources of advice on social skills, such as the Succeed Socially website. But not everything it recommends is feasible for many autistic people.

I seem to creep out a tiny handful of people, mostly women who thought I was "staring" too much. But of these two or three cases one had already heard I was from a learnership for people with disabilities so she was prejudiced already, despite having quotes from The Secret all over her walls. Generally I get by OK but in order to help, please specify what stims or other actions or appearances might make anyone cringe, as other members above have said.

People sometimes feel "cringy"-----because they feel "cringy" in general. It might not have anything to do with another person at all.

in terms of active creepy behavior i didn't have to do a GD thing when that person accused me of harassment merely because i complimented their nail polish job. if i had kept silent and looked in a different direction, this person likely would have taken offense as well, a no-win situation.