ocean and Starcut83 collab

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i just did this collab with a member from another forum...we both wrote two verses...his user name is "Starcut83"...my user name on there is "system" so you understand the last part of my first verse...feedback is much appreciated!



ocean:

everything i write from the soul level
i emerge from the mist a ghost devil
my mind send energy waves
my verses add up like century days
slice off my enemies face
drown him in gasoline and tell him to pray
born in eighty three
the seed from a sacred tree
the apples of Eden
grow on a shady street
where im from
granade explosions
same damage my lines done
the lines sharp like razor blades
this the matrix...
im the machine with the baby face
nothing soft
my verse voodoo thats hunting thoughts
this system and Starcut
we dropping wisdom the smart trust

Starcut83:

We come from the kingdom born of stardust
Projecting the light like a prism that we harness
Some come from 8 mile but we've come the farthest
Knock the fake smile off your face when we hit the hardest
You just a child playing with the sharpest artists
We stay wild while your soul they harvest

Can't stop our force with a spell or a curse
Blessed from birth
While you still going to church
Cause your head and chest still hurt

I need a doctor or a nurse
Cause I'm mental in every verse
Lyrics so damn ill they keep you immersed
I send chills to your central nerves
I do this for the thrill while you excel in reverse

Luminous, we bring light to the universe
We stay true to this while the darkness disperse
How we doing this? Beyond space and time is where we traverse

ocean:

we the reason the light shine
a nice line
from a bright mind
we write rhymes from morning till night time
and enter dreams
when the rest asleep
create nightmares that leave sweat on sheets
we bless the weak
we on levels yall could never reach
a sharper rhyme
commit the darker crime
and leave the corpse where its hard to find
trust me i bust heat
but the verse so cold your blood freeze
you want a war with us?
hope there's a God you trust
cuz we'll turn your form to dust
our ish is fine
give us a single line
to prove we the kings of rhyme

Starcut83:

Im'a say it for the second time
We the kings of rhyme
Incarnated on Earth in the nick of time
Beings from the Divine
Burn so bright we melt ice in wintertime
Souls ignite we shed light as your fears arise
Wipe your tearful eyes
Cause we're your demise
I'ma say it unimplied
Most rappers today I despise
Turn around or we'll burn the ground
As you gasp for air and emit a choking sound
You a dog in the pound
We're God found
An army couldn't slow us down
Take a bow cause you about to be left coping now
You can't get off cause you soft
Cut from a different cloth
We the flame you the moth
Play the game, now you know the cost

Your poetry - both - is really good.

I'm wondering if it's worth sharing what hip hop means to me though and bouncing it off of what I'm reading.

The more I've listened to it I've come to understand - it's a decision in the face of adversity to hone rather than break. It's intelligence living through struggle and refusing to die in the face of what looks like sheer futility, minds holding on to reality in a war where the environment can be as much of an acid bath as the clouds of Venus. It's extremely sharp 'love under will', it's will sharpened into a dagger.

I feel like that's what makes it heroic. It's a genre where, when delivered and felt, quite often says 'f--- fate'.


That sort of feels like it's the telos you're touching on and, if I'm right about that, my only advice would be keep refining with your telos in mind and keep up the good hunt for new metaphors and syllogisms.

Also for whatever reason these verses seem like they could fit as well over grime as a standard hip hop beat, not sure if that's being done yet in here in the US ie. mixing the two? Also were you writing with Moment of Clarity in mind? I noticed you threw that in at the top.