Turns out she isn't just funny, shes ASD.

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Im new and I really need to get this out someplace.

I suspect my daughter has ASD, shes 4.5...actually..I was not 100% sure for the longest of time...we always thought she was just spirited and funny.

As a baby/young tot, she met all her milestones, social smiles at 6 weeks, excellent eye contact and gummy smiles at every interaction. She loved kids and her pretend play and imagination even at 18 months was impressive.
It wasn't until she turned 2 that she started smelling everything she picked up from her toys ..I was suspicious but dr google told me 2-3 yos often have "sensory issues" and explore with their mouths and noses. Seeing that there were no other concerns, I brushed it off and Covid hit. Speech was coming along nicely and her interest in kids and playing with others was growing. Her social skills excelled typical 3 year olds as she would approach them and ask them for their name and if they wanted to play.. a skill her mother (me) taught her and encouraged her to do.
Other then the smelling and her being FULL on and constantly chatting no problems. She also always made us laugh and she came across as "different". Grandma became Octopus, Grandpa was wolf. Dad was a ninja. Then snot became Monkeys. She'd say mum I have monkeys in my nose instead of I need to blow my nose. But she quickly learnt for kinder she would need to say the correct phrase. Same with "please fix my sock" because if the socks were loose on her feet she would scream out "BED". We figured out it was because grandma yells this at the dog when he is naughty and she thought it was a good way to express frustration. She was full on in that she would land in the playground like a bomb energy wise..always louder , in your face. Loved playing with energetic boys who would run and scream on her level. She was bossy and would tell me off if I sat a certain way..she wanted me to always cross my legs (this phase lasted a few months)

Anyway, at 4 her kinder teacher raised some flags.. but I found something wrong with all of them. Like she approached me and said "Daughter said something concerning. She said mrs M I'm sad with a huge smile on her face. Im worried she can't read emotions". I came home and showed her several faces and she guessed each expression. I then asked her to show me several faces and she did the right expression.. but the teachers comments made me obsessed and I became convinced something was up but I couldn't figure out what. I circled around ADHD (she does talk a lot and interrupts constantly) sensory processing and finally landed on ASD.

After reading so much about it I realised that she has a lot of verbal stims.. the meowing like a cat when frustrated, she also barks and makes other noises when shes really frustrated (like when I tie her hair) or when shes really overtired and upset...but also she has delayed echolalia which she uses as a stim.. I notice it happen most often either when shes tired or when shes relaxing she will repeat certain words.. current favourite is Hulks..she will stretch that one out hullllksssssss (after HULK the superhero of course as they're a current toy hit).

I noticed once she stopped smelling toys she developed a hand mannerism where she lifts her hand whenever she talks..it doesnt matter if shes excited, stressed or serious the hand goes up a little..sort like when someone is frustrated and goes HEY!...but I also noticed when shes over tired and stressed and always at night the hand stays up a little and the fingers move(possible stim).
Finally.. her obsessions.. MY GOD how have we missed those. At 2 she was obsessed with Christmas trees and trees/shrubs in general. She would talk to them, give them names. Theres one particular tree called CROBERT she still points out (Look mom there is Crobert). For the longest of time she would always ask us the same question :what's that? If its a Christmas tree. She knew it was unreasonable because even at 3 she would say "Just once more and I won't ask it again".

Right now her obsession is driving me a lil bonkers but I told her we can talk about it every drive home as long as she doesnt. mention it elsewhere. Its to do with McDonalds and our bird..and how if i we were to let him out he would fly to mcdonalds. She only mentions it on the drive home though funnily enough, never outside.. Its not that I dont want to talk about the potential of our budgie flying to Mcdonalds ... but I do want to teach her to try and "save certain people/and time" for her obsessive thoughts. Shes flexible-ish with play, like she will play hide and seek and chasing ..she seems to always make friends at playground and I have had other kinder kids come up to me to tell me they played with her today...but when I play with her.. there is still some lack of flexibility in play..her favourite at the moment is someone doing something bad and either getting into time out or if they're superheroes its a rescue mission..she likes to also play out her life scenarios...things shes afraid of..things that happen.

I think her communication is ok, although I do think she struggles sometimes with how she communicates. Her imagination is wild, she can pretend a tomato is a Pinguin and everything is not what it is. It took me a while to teach her when communicating with other kids to say "Its x but lets pretend its Y"..because even 4 year olds were giving her weird looks when shed yell "Its a panda" while holding a ball.

Now that I have finally had this AHA moment (over the last few weeks), my mission has been to:
1. Delay school for next year so she repeats kinder.
2. Obtain a diagnosis this year and use disability funding to get a therapist to visit her kinder
3. Get her into intensive school readiness programs next year.

From what I have read, a mainstream school is a better option but a school with either a support unit or "knowledge/understanding of ASD/similar". But I feel like there is still so much I dont know. I am reading about this stuff every single night because I feel like I have wasted so much time to finally see it. If I hadn't seen it, nobody else in the family would have.

Shes clever and has an excellent memory..she is probably ready to start school next year academically..but I know that holding her back will be better for her on a social/emotional level.

Anyway, I have typed a lot. Id like any advice anyone can think of.. is there anything that I can do to help her further?

I get so sad when I read stories of ASD people with depression.. who have struggled socially through out their school years. It makes me sad because I know she loves kids and she has always been so open and social and I am terrified they will crush her confidence and desire like most of the other ASD stories I have read. I dont want her to grow up anxious and depressed and lonely. I want to give her a life of adventure, fun and joy. How can I do that?

I'll also add some struggles that we are having as a family with her are :

1. She co sleeps with me (all good, shes anxious) but she wakes me up a lot so I am often tired.
2. She constantly interrupts her dad and I in discussion and she will say "sorry to interrupt you"..and when we say yes she doesnt even know what she wants to say.
3. When she gets angry she tries to do everything she knows we dont like and she will vocalise it "fine ill spit. Ill be naughty at kinder and ill push other kids. Im going to whinge now and starts whinging". Its like she gets very angry over us being angry and then has a problem regulating that emotion.

I dont know if point 2 and 3 are related to her ASD or me being too relaxed with consistently providing a consequence.

Keeping her in public school will be tough on her. It sounds like she has a sort of resilient spirit that would probably survive. Those who are different (autistic, artistic, too smart, too dumb, those who stutter, those who are less attractive, etc.) can face brutal challenges in public school.

Home school may be a safer choice. Tony Attwood lives in Australia. He has some good youtube videos. The free pdf booklet Aspergers - An Intentional Life can be a good reference as well.

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf

Hello! Your daughter sounds absolutely darling and like she has so many strengths. As a parent, I always try to keep my kids' strengths in the forefront of my mind, because while they have weaknesses they have to overcome (like everyone!) it's their strengths that will really carry them through life.

We delayed my son a year before starting school because he was emotionally immature. I've always said he is 2 years ahead academically, and two years behind emotionally. Puts him in a bit of a bind with school, doesn't it? Like your daughter, my son coooonstantly interrupts (but he is not as social--you are really lucky there!) He also has obsessions and meltdowns. This is where I find it useful to introduce particular rules, as it sounds like you've already begun. I think of it as trying to provide my son with mental scripts that will help him recognize his behaviors and take control of them. For example, when he starts getting angry, I tell him to go hug his favorite toy, and he will. This is a new thing I've been trying for the past 2 weeks. I'm trying to use the positive experience of hugging the toy to interrupt his anger before it gets to meltdown levels. I'll, uh, post here later if it works.

With questions, I implemented a 3 question rule ages ago, because otherwise he will ask and ask and ask. Often they aren't real questions so much as his way of expressing that he is upset about something. Occasionally I have to make entire topics off-limits because otherwise he will obsess about them for hours and start screaming when I get tired of answering. I think your strategy of corralling her obsession and limiting it to car-time is good. It gives her a time when she can express it, so the rest of her time she can focus on other things.

My son repeats words and sounds (he has tourette's) but that doesn't bother me. He's not hurting anyone.

I recently read the book Eikona Bridge, (https://www.eikonabridge.com/) which was written by one of our fellow Wrong Planet denizens, and found it very good. The author talks mainly about strategies he developed for communicating with his own (then) non-verbal children, but I like the way he thinks and have been using some of his ideas with my own very verbal kid. (Again, we'll see if it works.)

School did not work for my kiddo and now we homeschool, but remember that every child is unique and yours may thrive in school due to her playful and social nature. May I ask more specifically which skills you want her to catch up on while repeating kindergarten?

Good luck!

Thanks for your replies.

We have some good schools where we live (In Australia) which offer support to kids with special needs and accomodations. They're called inclusion schools and kids with special needs can either go to one of these mainstream inclusion schools and have flexibilities or to a special school where all the kids have special high needs.

I will home school her only if I need to

I feel like I want to try and if its not working, I can always make changes. The thing is, sometimes the only way to develop is to go in the deep end and then swim back if you need to. If you start out in the shallow end you might never reach the deep waters. I know this isn't a popular belief in the ASD community.

She seems to be doing well in mainstream kinder, follows the routine and participates.

I have also watched her with school kids and she's played really well with the ones who take the lead to suggest games etc. She loves kids and is loud and extroverted.

What will I do in the extra year of kinder?

I will teach her myself. I have taken on the role of her therapist. Everyday we practise conversations, everyday.. I take the role of a kid, of a teacher, of someone else. We read books, I write her social stories using pictures off the internet and I see the improvement in her social skills. For the first time ever, I will also engage her in external therapies and programs.

Next year I will be enrolling her into martial arts too and paying for private lessons as well to get. her as competent in self defence as quickly as I can.

This year I put her into gymnastics, it has really helped her with turn taking and waiting.

I observe where she needs help and I teach her...I am her best therapist. So for an example I noticed when playing with others if they were in her way she would just push them over. I taught her to say excuse me can you please move. I also taught her to say sorry it was an accident if she does anything wrong accidentally. I have taught her to always ask questions back when communicating so when someone asks her "how are you today" She now asks the question back. We role play scenarios everyday through play therapy and shes learning well this way.

This is more then other NT 4 yos are doing at this stage, most of them say random stuff and aren't asking questions back. Obviously it will get more complex but so will my teaching and so will her understanding. The other day she was trying to engage a NT boy who wasn't talkative. She asked him if he liked goo jit zus (toys) and then she asked him "How was your weekend" LOL..so I know shes memorising stuff and its coming off a bit unnatural but we all get there. Maybe I am teaching her too ahead.

Last year she was a little behind in motor skills

Everyday I took her to a different playground and we practised. I drew a hop scotch and played with her until she could jump on one leg. Everything is fun if I am playing it too so I take on the role of her playmate and help her in areas where I see shes struggling.

I enrolled her into gymnastics for this reason too.

You could probably say shes now average in her motor skills where as before she was a bit behind.