Out of obligation?

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Hi:

This upcoming Saturday, a good friend of mine is going to celebrate his birthday. We are going to see a movie and then go out for pizza for supper. Among his guests, who are attending, is an autistic woman who is on the moderate end of the spectrum and her mom.

That being said, be autistic friend and her mom moved to another part of the city which is a 40 minute drive away from where most of us live. They moved up there in the end of 2016 and have since met other people as well as connecting with their family. Therefore, they have seemed to drift apart from my good friend and seem to keep brushing him off.

For example, he has been inviting them to things but most of the time, they have seemed to keep giving him excuses as to why they can't make it. Does autistic friend has also not really been volunteering information as to what's going on in their lives anymore.

Well, he invited them to see the movie and then go out for pizza for dinner. And yes they are coming but it sounds like they are only coming for the movie and then they are leaving to go catch up with her family. I feel that this is out of obligation because if they really wanted to be there then they would have made more of an effort to meet us for the dinner so we could connect rather than catch a movie.

However, what are your thoughts?

What ever the reason may be for not going to dinner after the movie, they are coming to celebrate the birthday. They aren't obligated to do either. Its not polite to inquire the reason or for them to justify it. It may be any number of reasons, but they aren't required to justify them.

I think it's the forty minutes drive.

[quote="DanielW"]What ever the reason may be for not going to dinner after the movie, they are coming to celebrate the birthday. They aren't obligated to do either. Its not polite to inquire the reason or for them to justify it. It may be any number of reasons, but they aren't required to justify them.

Hi, I didn't bring it up my friend did he explained to me that she was only going to the movie and that was it. I just really feel that they hadn't seen each other in over a year in person that is they only have time for the movie and not the dinner.

I also really feel like they're coming because they have to and not because they want to.

Yes. Sounds like it. They only come out of obligation. It is sad but people move on. They don't have the close feeling that they used to have. You can't change the way other people feel. Whatever it is, your friend has to accept it, let them go, and he himself can also move on. He has other friends like you who care.

Yes, I was thinking that too, however, he had an event in an area that was only 20 minutes away. This was back in November, but this autistic friend didn't talk to my friend and all. Instead, her mom talked to him for her and she told him that she was going to have surgery next week so she wasn't able to drive out. Yep that was an excuse,

Oh sounds like they have just decided to end it, just emotionally cut off.

Probably for the distance reason, the closer event was probably not attended due to them not wanting to drive out to the friend at a later date.

Why are they going to his birthday just to see a movie when they know the drive is 40 minutes? Then turn around and go home just to connect with their family members?

I suppose it might be the same as when you post happy birthday on Facebook to someone you haven't seen for years. Just politeness and obligation, maybe cos it's just once a year they don't mind doing that. But then going home immediately shows just a lack of caring.

I have a feeling they might bail on the event.

Well guess what? They did bail on my friend

Yeah they've just emotionally cut off due to inconvenience
It's happened to me. Even people who I thought were close. I think I've done it

Yep me too.

Anyway, I think they said they were coming because it probably felt good at the time. Then reality got in the way

1. The long drive
2. Then just going down for one movie and nothing else.
3.Then their family

Yeah they probably discussed it:

A-Are we really going to drive down there watch a movie then come straight back?
B-Well, I already said we were going.
A-We could just not turn up!
B-deal

Therefore, the autistic woman bailed on my friend and said she was not coming.