Not sure what I am. Probibly gay, but maybe Asexual?

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I almost posted in the Asexual thread, but I thought maybe I should start my own thread because of what I'm getting into. I apologize if that was a bad call.

I have wondered about this for a while. I have identified as Gay since I was 15, but I wonder sometimes if that's really the case.

When I was a younger kid I had a couple girl crushes, but I don't know that I really found them cute or anything, I don't really remember.

What really made me question/think I was gay... was anime. Finding anime and thinking the guys were hot. One of the two friends still have tells me "Anime guys are girly" but not the ones I'm thinking of, or at least, not to me.

(Hope this is okay to talk about here) But I eventually found Yaoi (Gay hentai) and that's what really made me feel that way. When it came to guys IRL though... it's been rare my whole life I've been attracted to any at first sight. Sometimes after I got to know the person more. And as much as I loved/still love Yaoi, real life porn has rarely done anything for me, and I haven't even looked in years.

Even my boyfriend that I just broke up with after 13 years... I feel bad saying it, but I honestly don't think I would have thought he was cute if we hadn't met online and I wouldn't have fell in love with his personality before I knew what he looked like - and he's not ugly or anything. He could have any guy I think. But I just don't think I would have had that reaction.

And then... (I really hope this isn't TMI, I'm going to word it as clean as I can...) (We were an online relationship and only met irl a couple times a year)

When it came to sex... ... the 'main thing gay men do'... I had 0 interest in. We tried it a couple times, but it didn't go far. The main 'other' thing they can do.... didn't do much for me either. Even though in Yaoi that's the thing I like the most.

At the end of the day, the only thing I REALLY enjoyed doing with him was... something I could do by myself. (Though it was better when it was him...)

Even during the relationship I kind of wondered if.... having aspergers and obsessing about having a best friend, made me "In love with having a best friend"? And I that I could have really been asexual. I don't know. Do asexuals still want relationships and hug and kiss? Or no?

I really really hope none of this was TMI (I saw one other topic that talked about sex a little so hopefully it's okay.)

There's something called "the asexuality spectrum." There are different types of asexuality. One could, for example, be asexual yet wanting romance.

It's not "all or nothing."

You mentioned "girl crushes." Have you ever had a desire to be intimate with a woman? Or maybe just cuddle with a woman? I hope I'm not being too inquisitive.

Before I was about 14, I used to like to cuddle up with girls----but I didn't have a desire to have an intimate relationship with a girl until I was 15.

I still sometimes like cuddling better than making love.

I dig sex myself....but I feel there's too much of an emphasis on it in our society.

I hope you find what you want. There are people who would be content with cuddles, and not much more after that.

It took me decades to completely understand my sexuality.

It took me a day or so.....

I pretty much knew my sexuality from the time I realized I was a person.

5 years old…..I knew the “basics.”

During my middle school years, a pair of bullies accused me of being gay just because
I wasn't one of the "popular kids." But during my high school years, I thought LGBTQ+ people were really weird
and gross, but an openly gay faculty member helped me realize LGBTQ+ people were no different from straight people and to him I'll always be forever grateful to.

I identify as straight, but am still accused of being gay with a recent accusation from my mom.
She enjoys being a raging homophobe and even threatened to put me in a mental hospital just because I've met
many LGBTQ+ people over the course of time.

My NT sister is openly asexual, but sometimes has problems convincing our bigoted uncles
that asexuality is "real" and not a concept she "made up."