How to share a new ASD dx

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New to this diagnosis and forum so bear with me. My son is 11, in 6th grade. Had his first neuropsych exam at 6 after having explosive meltdowns that lasted hours. That revealed diagnoses of anxiety, adhd, and giftedness. Fast forward to now, pysch recommended an updated eval and we added a diagnosis of ASD-1. As he’s super smart, he’s aware he’s different from him peers and he doesn’t like it. He’s a perfectionist and has a lot of negative self thoughts and talk. How do we share an additional diagnosis that may make him feel even more different from his friends and trigger those negative thoughts? We talk about how amazing his brain is and point out all the things he can do that others his age can’t (great musical abilities, only kid in his grade that got promoted to a new instrument, he can fix anything electric and has an understanding of circuits and computers that surpassed mine years ago, etc) but he only sees the negative. I want him to know his diagnosis and work on advocating for himself as he gets older but am stuck at how to approach it.

I wouldn't make too much of a diagnosis. The categorization opinion of someone has little value unless it opens the door to needed services. What is more important is to identify what skills need to be developed or improved so that the highest degree of function can be obtained.

There are going to be some limits. For example I once worked someplace that hired a guy who carried a loaded pistol in his briefcase. I asked him if there was something about the job that they told him and didn't tell me. He said he had been in military intelligence. At a customer site I was told he was going to be my new boss. I said no he wasn't and quit right them. While others can function in strange circumstances, I know myself well enough to know what would be too much.

Your son will also face some limits as to what he is willing to endure to achieve some particular goal. Each person has to make their own assessments. Being 11, he will find that he can develop more coping skills and strategies than he can now imagine.

He can be tested by Mensa at age 14. However, Mensa will take IQ measurements done by a psychologist they require the upper 2% for membership. I joined when I was 30 and observed socially awkward people who had avoided social skill development during adolescence only to try it in their 20s and 30s. He might find that environment more accepting of differences.

I prefer the neurological variant model of Aspergers as opposed to the brain defect model of ASD. There is a free pdf booklet that you might find of interest called Aspergers - An Intentional Life

http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf