Subtle bullying

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Hey guys, I'm new to this forum/website, but I was just wondering if the other autistic folk have noticed a type of bullying where people act like they want to be friends with you and are nice to you but try to make you look stupid and you can't tell whether their laughing with you or at you.

Is this something that people mostly do to bully us Autistics? Or is it normal for most unpopular kids?

"frenemies." NTs of differing social status [alpha/beta/gamma/delta/omega] do that to one another also.

Yes I've experienced that. People who will try to point out that you are different either for personal amusement and the entertainment of others or out of spite.

Someone accused me of covert bullying, and even tried to get me in trouble for it. But he was never able to define what covert bullying was, and he never explicitly spelled out exactly what allegedly covert acts I was doing. He finally gave up and left the social group we were in.

Welcome to WP Smiley123. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. Social bullying can be very subtle and it takes many forms. Unfortunately, Autistic people tend to have a giant bullseye painted on us that attracts these kinds of people who are so insecure that they have to treat us this way. Because we don't have the social sophistication, what people like to refer to as "social awareness," so see it coming and to defend ourselves in the moment, we are prime targets for these kinds of people. What you are describing is definitely a form of social bullying.

Just insult them when they do it again, but in a sort of friendly way. If they get angry because of it, they're not your friends. Only male friends are allowed to insult male friends. The insult is an expression of affection, as it would be "gay" to say "I like you" to a male.

Yes, subtle bullying is one of the cloudiest issues I've ever seen. Some people have this thing where they'll look for all the world like they're being offensive and denigratory when it's actually meant (and may be taken) as being very friendly. Other times people will say apparently friendly things but the intention is quite the opposite.

I think it's often impossible to know the difference immediately. With a bit of luck, over time it can become clearer which it is. It's rare that anybody will admit to subtle, unprovoked aggression, so all we have is our instincts, diligent observation and reasoning.

I used to yank people's chains a lot when I was younger. I was never aware I was doing it until they lost their tempers, and even then I was often quite bewildered and couldn't see how what I'd said could have that effect. But when I looked back a few years later I could see it more clearly, and so I became more careful, more courteous. I still hand out the occasional dig, but mostly I reserve it for people I'm pretty sure won't take offense. Sometimes I use it on people who have dished it out. I think I'm fairly safe to do that because if they were just trying to be friendly then they'll probably like it, while if their motives are hostile, giving them a taste of their own medicine might teach them a bit of respect.

I used to not be able to tell if I was being "bullied subtly." I was being bullied overtly enough as it was!

Later on, I learned to discern the "signs," and react accordingly.

I still get "bullied subtly" on somewhat of a regular basis.