New diagnosis imposter syndrome

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My GP warned me that even after a DX I still wouldn't know for sure. But the balance of probabilities shifted quite a lot, and even more so when my past and present behaviour started to make more sense in the light of ASD. So I still don't know, but the doubt feels negligible. It'll certainly do for a strong working theory. Like the working theory that I'm not dreaming right now.

Thanks for all the replies, it’s definitely reassuring to hear other people’s experiences following diagnosis.

I also think I didn’t express myself particularly well and came off like I was saying that you couldn’t be successful with ASD. That’s definitely not what I was trying to convey, I was trying to express the lack of representation of people with ASD in positions like mine in the literature that I’ve read; however, it’s clear that is unfounded and the responses here help to prove that.

Certainly the discussion about masking behaviours has been helpful too. The move to much more home working since Covid has been particularly beneficial for me, and when I’m not presented with situations I find challenging as regularly because I’m at home in my study, I think my doubts about my diagnosis come to the fore.

During the process of diagnosis I expressed my concerns about fixing the system to the assessors and deliberately avoided reading about the condition for the 2 years before my assessment for that reason. So I know I’m being irrational… not that that stops the thoughts!

What is your profession?

Imagine if Autism Spectrum Disorder had more objective criteria?

It doesn't----so the diagnosis will always be imperfect. There's nothing we could do about that until the criteria become more objective.

Interesting.

I recently moved into Financial Services. I data mine, which also provides SME-dom. I am successful (although I remain wracked by insecurity as are many "achievers"). Wholistically I am as successful as my peers, although intersectionality lessened my professional ... everything.

In my old company I masked heavily as that was the culture - toxic as all. In my new company, I a more often explain in advance (I am the gatherer of extraordinary amounts of information) or make light fun of/repair a misunderstanding or mistake (when I introduce myself to you the fourth time...). To a few close coworkers, I have mentioned that I am neurodivergent (but not what type... yet).

Welcome on this part of the journey with yet another perspective...

To the OP:

I've felt the same way, though I referred to it as "not feeling autistic enough."

I got my dx 10 months ago. I've had only one meltdown: preschool age in response to noise. I've never had a shutdown. I've never had a burnout (because apparently, risk of burnout has a linear association to extent of masking -- and I've never masked beyond just slightly).

I also keep thinking that some of my traits were developed in response to the environment I grew up in.

But I have to keep reassuring myself that I AM autistic -- by using some tricks up my sleeve -- and perhaps they will help you.

1) What traits or features do you have that ONLY autism can explain? In my case it's stimming (a LOT including rocking), hyperfixated interests, avoidance of small-talk, tendency towards literal thinking, extensive (and I' mean EXTENSIVE) rehearsing in my head of anticipated interactions with people, which include the use of imaginary or "sample" people), preference for sameness, need to always plan, odd AF sensory issues. No other diagnosis explains all of these. Neither does being picked on by teachers in high school or made fun of by classmates in grade school and high school.

2) Invest in insight therapy. Have a list of questions ready. I had teleconferences with a psych who was with the clinic I got my dx from. I asked her straight out what about me, as we interacted, might indicate autism. She said that whenever we began our sessions, I never engaged in small-talk, and instead I dove right in. She also said that I was pretty matter-of-fact with everything and almost had a flat affect.

Autism is not one single condition. It is a broad category. Autism is just a modern label for a set of particular kinds of traits. The exact definition is arbitrary and somewhat subjective.

So I would suggest not worrying too much about the technicalities. The important question is whether it helps you make sense of your life.

I can't comment on whether your diagnosis is accurate or not. But I do believe that it's normal for a person who doesn't have severe symptoms to feel a little out of place saying that he or she has autism, knowing that it's so much more severe in many cases. But that's true of many disorders. I have cancer. Yet my chances of dying of it are minimal, according to my doctors. I suspect you have a real disorder simply because you were so diagnosed.

When one's life is structured in such a way they may not feel or appear Autistic. Take away those supports and ah-ha - Autistic!! !! ! For example a person working with their special interest (e.g. data) without children or with another person as primary caregiver for their children versus a person in a profession with multiple or social demands or the primary caregiver for their children. I am "not" Autistic when I am at the Bank doing my spreadsheets, but I am Autistic taking my two children to the city with their friends for outdoor ice skating.

When you received your diagnosis, did you think, wow, that explains everything?

That was my experience and the experience of many people who receive a diagnosis of ASD as an adult.