I've probably explained before about my frustration about having few friends and about where to go to meet new people. But I seem to think I find myself to not wanting to go to some of these places (such as pubs, charity shops, community hubs etc) because quite a lot of the people there are either much older than I am, much younger than I am, have a more severe disability than me, etc. I feel bad because its as though I am being quite discriminatory.
This may seem a bit rich because I work with people who are much older than me but I don't seem like I have a choice as if I want to work and get paid I can't choose who works there and have to get used to the people who work there whether or not they are older, younger or whatever and I get on really well with the people work with but I still won't ask to socialise with them in my spare time because a few of them are married and have kids and again because of the age gap between them and me, it makes me not really want to hang out with them in my own leisure time.
I seem to feel as though I have always aspired to socialise with new people who are my age or a bit younger than me and probably are not autistic or have aspergers but the problem is I have hardly seen much of those people in places like charity shops and I seem to think the most likely places I'll meet people in that age group would probably be in gyms, sports places, some pubs, bars or clubs on the weekend etc and those are places I don't really want to go to. I seem to think there must be something wrong with me that I am not willing to engage more again with other people like me with autism/aspergers. I don't know if its because I felt the need to move on after years of being at special schools with other autistic people and start meeting new people who were not autistic because I didn't seem as severe as my fellow pupils and was able to engage in conversations with people and make eye contact.
If I am able to do those things that some other people like me can't do then how come I am still left with few friends ? Is it because unlike ''normal'' people I won't always go to some of the places they go to socialise and that's why I end up still being a bit of a loner ? Is there still some other problem with social ques I have ? Are people unwilling to befriend me because they can somehow see how I behave or how I look ?. The other thing is as well is that I can't really walk up to someone I don't know in the street that I like and ask them to befriend me as that would be rather socially awkward and come across as ''weird'' and ''desperate''. The reason I get frustrated about this issue is because I feel that without a group of friends to socialise and hang out with quite regularly it seems as though I am missing out on life and the frustration was made worse when I see selfies of ''friends'' on social media at parties, holidays abroad etc.
03 Mar 2023, 11:07 am
