Natural Childbirth

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Almost a half century ago, I married my wife. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I didn't know it at the time but I do now. I am an extreme introvert and my wife is an extreme extrovert. I am an ND and my wife is an NT. Together this combination works and works well.

Over the years we had two daughters and now they are both married and we have 5 grandchildren. But when we had our children which was back in the 1970s we did things a little differently. We had our children naturally. There were three methods available at the time. They were called the Lamaze, Bradley Method, and the Leboyer methods. These methods are very different methods. We used the Bradley Method, which also goes by the name Husband Coached Natural Childbirth.

There is something very interesting about childbirth, the process of childbirth. It is almost magical. If done properly it creates a type of bonding experience. At the time of birth, if the process is done normally (without drugs), a special bonding takes place. It bounds a mother to her newly born child and also a father to his child. After birth, you could take my child and put it in a room with a thousand other newborns and I could immediately find the one child that was mine. My wife could do the same. Somehow our internal characteristics were fused together. It is one of the strangest, most unusual experiences I have ever felt.

Unfortunately in today's society, most men rarely are present during the entire birth of their children. And the other part of the problems is that most women are so drugged out by the medication that is given them during childbirth, that they do not even realize what they have lost. It is a special bonding that joins parents to their children. It is an extreme binding process.

i had a natural birth but it wasnt very nice

i wasnt planning on having any babies but i got raped and decided to keep it.i never had any more.

but i took the due date very literally and thought it was definitely going to arrive on that exact day so when i went into labour a week earlier than due date i didnt know it was labour for some reason because of thinking it wont come until the due date

so i was all alone in my apartment when i gave birth and my dad was out at work
i gave birth on the kitchen floor on my hands and knees like a wild animal
then i called my dad at work and he called a ambulance for me and came home

then after my boy was born i had difficulty bonding with him.i loved him and hated him at the same time
his crying was a sensory nightmare for me but no matter how frustrated i got i never hurt him

then my bond started to develop

he is 17 now and he is basicaly my favourite human being on this planet (my dad died when my son was a kid and iv never been that close to my mum or sister.

Caz72, I am glad to hear that everything turned out O.K. for you in the end.

I am so sorry that he had to come in such a traumatic way but what a blessing in the end. So glad you kept him and I am so happy for you for the bond that you did develop. I pray that the bond between you will only strengthen. Love is such a powerful thing. Blessings to both of you.

What a magnificent experience and for you to feel such fondness for it almost 50 years later says it all.

It is a form of bonding. I think within the human body, at the time of birth, a series of chemicals are released within the human body, that bonds mothers with a newborn child and if the father is also present, it also bonds the father. It is a very strong force.

My husband was present for both
I went to breathing classes beforehand
I can't remember if they were Lamaze or Bradley
Baby 1 - Epidural, Back labour, forceps and vacuum
Baby 2 - Au natural, a bit of laughing gas, preemie
Complications after Baby 2

All bonded no problems
Breastfeeding helps too, when possible

Father, bonded? LMAO - Not on your life
I won't even tell you the horrible things he did / said to his child

I was present for the entire birth. It was horrific and traumatic - and I wasn't even the one giving birth. I was completely powerless to relieve my partner of the intense agony she was in for hours, despite epidurals. She was hallucinating and begging to be allowed to die by the end. I'd have given anything to be able to take that pain for her. It ended in emergency C-section. Who's to say if mother and child would be any better bonded if things had been different?

I've been told stories by women who have found the process of childbirth actually quite pleasurable, so I'm there's a broad range of experiences from the starchildren who slip out on a rainbow to those who have to be dug out with hard metal implements. And I don't know what determines what sort of experience any one person will have - technique? genetics? physical stature? physical strength?

I do know that if we had chosen a natural childbirth either mother, child or both may well not have survived. I tend to think that if all goes well, the natural approach is probably much nicer for all involved, but so many deliveries don't go well and the advances we've made in medicine should be applauded.



E and W is England and Wales btw.

That's a lot of women who didn't die because they had medical attention during childbirth. And that's before we get on to the babies. Maybe we do give up something precious to have those sorts of low figures. I wonder what most women would choose?

During labor, my birthing room felt like a torture chamber. That’s exactly how I thought of it at the time due to the extreme pain, shadows on the wall, terror (due to scary moments - like when they lost my son’s heartbeat), and sinister-looking medical tools. Both of us almost died. We had to spend a couple weeks in the hospital afterwards.

I did birthing classes. My labor had to be induced due to pregnancy complications. I got an epidural, but it didn’t seem to help much with the pain.

There were no problems with bonding. It was an immediate, strong connection - the strongest feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. After he was born, the room suddenly became Heaven.

Do you see this as an evolutionary "quirk"?

A bond based on a chemical reaction in the brain.
How do you reconcile that?

Just because a feeling is due to a chemical reaction in the brain does not make it any less valid, strong, or special.

Apparently, I need to qualify my question/position.

Jimmy m, I am not saying what you feel is wrong.
This is NOT an attack on you.
I simply want to hear YOUR position on this.
As you know, I respect you greatly and consider you one of the most intelligent ppl on this website.

Personally, I find this chase for happiness/bliss rather odd.
I have said this in the past. A simple search of my posts can verify this.

No doubt, there is a psychiatrist or psychologist who might think I am showing some form of psychological damage/illness due to my being ritually abused as a child.
I would disagree and see it simply as my being rational.
After all, there ARE philosophies that "preach" the transcending of the desire to procreate (Buddhism, I believe, and there is even a section in the new testament that says the same, IIRC.)

I see this as a chemical reaction that takes place at birth. The birth process is almost a magical experience. In both cases when my children were born, there were problems. In the case of our first child, my wife was one month over her due date. She was in shambles because her doctor had given her a due date and she was over the due date by a long margin. A friend of ours would come and visit daily and they would comment about SOMETHING WAS WRONG. This sent her into a lot of stress. I tried to tell her that the baby would come when the baby would come and not to worry. But she was still under a lot of stress. Finally when the time arrived, she said TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL. It was in the morning. Apparently she started feeling the need earlier during the night but she waited until morning to let me know. So I drove her to the hospital and we checked in. I had a list prepared and signed by my doctor detailing how the birth was to be performed. It was to be a very natural childbirth. The doctor agreed to all the items on the list except one. So when we arrived at the hospital, the first nurse read the list. She read the list and her eyes opened. She stared at the detailed list and then went and found the head nurse who then read the written list. They were all amazed. But because the list was signed by my doctor, they complied to the requirements. The birth process went well until we approached the end. Then their medical machines indicated that the child blood flow was blocked and she was dying. I thought for a second and then had my wife change position to the side and the child's heart rate came back to normal and she was born. It was a truly wonderful experience and immediately a strong bonding effect was felt. Not only for my wife but I felt it also. It was almost like magic. She was lying in the delivery room and one of the doctors asked her if she would like to walk back to her room. (I think they asked her this as a joke but she said YES and immediately walked back to her hospital room.) That night she heard the other nurses talking among themselves. They said, "If I ever have a child, I am going to do it the way she did it, naturally." My wife only spend one night in the hospital and we came home the next day.

One of the things that happened that night was that a younger woman gave birth. It was horrible. No preparations. In the end they had to pull the placenta out of her. It was horribly painful.

The birth of our second child was also interesting. It was a long delivery, I think it took over 24 hours. Our child was born but did not move. The doctor went through all the steps but from all appearances, the child was dead. I could see the fear the he was feeling. I think two minutes passes, maybe three since the birth. But then almost like magic, the child came to life and took her first breath.

So my children have grown and married and have children of their own. All naturally. Husbands present at birth standing by their side during the birth process. Very strong bonding experience.

So yes, I see this as A bond based on a chemical reaction in the brain. Women will generally experience this reaction but men can also if they are present at the time of birth and participate fully in the birthing process. It can bind the father to his child.

Interesting.
Thank you for relating your experience.

The birth of my second daughter also brought to mind earlier experiences - events I found I could not explain. When I was a young man around age 15, I worked a part time job at a store called "A Five and Ten". The store got its name because many things were sold for a nickel (5 cents) or a dime (10 cent) coins. I worked there after school and earned a little bit of money. It was one of my first jobs.

One day as we approached Easter, something very interesting happened, something unexplained. The store where I worked would sell small rabbits (real Easter bunnies). The store would receive a shipment in and then the store would sell them. But one day something very strange happened. One of these small rabbits arrived DEAD. So the workers did not know what to do. They were very confused and stressed. I walked up to where the rabbit was lying and picked it up. Yes, it appeared to be dead. But instead of dropping it back into the box, I placed it on my lap and petted it. I did this for a minute or two. Then the rabbit came back to life. Everyone was amazed. They alerted the store owner. Even he did not know what to do next. Somehow they couldn't figure out what to do next. So the owner gave me the rabbit as a gift to take home. Which I did.

So I see a connection between the birth of my youngest daughter and the rebirth of this small rabbit. it is like death has many variables.

Then I relate this to my earliest childhood when I died. I was attacked by a large bull. It weighted over 1000 pounds and I weighted probably less than 20 pounds at the time around age 3 or 4. It was like being attacked by a dinosaur. I died from the attack. A voice spoke out. I do not know from where. But it said "Live or Die, Your Choice". I was off to one side. I could see my dead body. I could see my parents and their utter horror. So I said Live. I came back but as a very different person. It was my being that existed on the right side of my skull, the being that normally exist in our sleep state. That is the one that came back. The left side brain, my daytime brain, had died and my right side was given a choice to live or die. That then produced a brain flip. When the left side recovered eventually, it became my nighttime brain.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures that have ever existed. Life is so strange.