It's hard for me to say. I spent the majority of my life not knowing what was wrong with me, I only knew that I was struggling with something. When I was young and in social settings I was mostly 'off the chain,' hyper, a distraction to others, etc... I believe I was experiencing some rejection as I mostly went to private schools (my family's attempt to deal with whatever 'it' was that made me different), but I don't know that I saw it as rejection.
As I aged, I got a little better, but not much. I watched others for cues on how to conduct myself and tried to do what they did. It didn't tire me out the way it did as I got older.
The older I grew, the less tolerance I had for restaurants, shopping malls, church, anything social. I struggled at work too, but I didn't view work as social but a means to an end. And I learned to block out the extra. I'm much better at tolerating people since having a diagnosis. I pick and choose who I engage with and basically don't give two s**ts anymore about who does or does not accept me as I am. I will say that by the time Friday rolls around, I'm exhausted. So, I'm still masking and that will probably never leave me. I did it for too long to just stop. I sleep the entire day on Saturdays. It's how I heal from people exposure.
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Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.