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What's the point in going to a gym just to look attractive ?

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chris1989
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26 Apr 2023, 2:24 pm

I've heard and read from other people's experiences of having gone to a gym and felt like not wanting to go anymore, found it boring, found it an intimidating environment, and trying to achieve something and not getting anywhere with it and so end up quitting it because they just want to look more attractive. As I may have said in a previous thread, I understand a gym is ideal if someone wants to lose weight and get in better shape with their health, but I seem to think that doing it just simply to look more attractive I feel isn't really always necessary. I mean surely really beauty is in the eye of the beholder whether or not has a lot of muscle or less muscle.

I don't why we keep pushing this idea in men that ''I order to look more attractive and feel better about yourself is to always hit the gym look all muscular like me.'' For us men we seem to keep pushing forward this idea that the ''ideal man'' must look like the one I just mentioned, the muscular type and that by doing that you'll get flocks of people from the opposite sex running towards you and you'll become the most likable person in town.

I also seem to think that those guys who hit the gym are afterwards somehow ''cured'' of their insecurities, are free of anxiety and stress in their lives and from then on, have a perfect life with a lot more friends and boy/girlfriends just because they went to the gym whereas before all of that they had few friends. I have heard of some men who have hit the gym and still don't get as much attention. I remember in a video for dating tips, someone was asking girls and young women in public about finding muscly men attractive and a number of women didn't always find it attractive and one even said that someone who obsesses about looking good and going to the gym a lot obsessively is unattractive and isn't allowing much time for the relationship.



ProfessorJohn
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27 Apr 2023, 12:02 am

It will certainly make you more attractive than someone who sits in the basement all day playing video games and eating junk food. If nothing else, because it shows that you are trying to improve yourself.



Kaioken
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27 Apr 2023, 7:09 am

It’s best, if possible, to exercise/go the gym mainly for health reasons such as:
- Increasing strength
- improving mobility
- Improving mental health and mood

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the process of looking better too though. But, I know for me, focusing too much on aesthetics creates a lot of mental health problems. It’s also likely to make me burn out, and stop exercising completely, which is not good from a health and fitness point of view.



chris1989
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27 Apr 2023, 10:06 am

The thing is I have always been quite a thin person and probably still 10 stone or more in weight. I don't feel very keen on wanting to put on a lot of weight. I seem to think that I must have to put on some weight in order to turn it into muscle. I seem to feel glad that I'm not overweight and that if I was I would be wanting to lose it because I wouldn't want to dig myself into a early grave from getting things like diabetes, heart problems etc.



ProfessorJohn
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27 Apr 2023, 10:31 am

I am rather thin right now-5'7" and about 130 pounds-not sure what that is in stone or KGs. I have been lifting very regularly over the past 6 weeks or so trying to tone up the muscle I have, and get more cut so it does stand out. Also turn what fat I have left into muscle or just rid myself of it. I don't eat enough protein daily to really bulk up. I have noticed some muscle growth and definition on the pretty limited diet I eat and have lost some weight also. I think I look better physically than I did back in January when I was recovering from surgery and couldn't do much.



racheypie666
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27 Apr 2023, 11:07 am

If you don't want to go, don't go - especially if you don't care for the aesthetic.

I would say most people who lift to the point where they look muscular also come to enjoy lifting, which means they're doing it for pleasure as well as to look good.

chris1989 wrote:
I also seem to think that those guys who hit the gym are afterwards somehow ''cured'' of their insecurities, are free of anxiety and stress in their lives and from then on, have a perfect life with a lot more friends and boy/girlfriends just because they went to the gym whereas before all of that they had few friends. I have heard of some men who have hit the gym and still don't get as much attention. I remember in a video for dating tips, someone was asking girls and young women in public about finding muscly men attractive and a number of women didn't always find it attractive and one even said that someone who obsesses about looking good and going to the gym a lot obsessively is unattractive and isn't allowing much time for the relationship.


People who go to the gym are still human beings - you'll get some who feel better for it, some who are terminally insecure, and everything inbetween. I think what you're seeing in the people who feel "cured" might be less to do with the actual results of lifting, and more to do with the character-building that happens along the way. It teaches discipline, self-motivation, it lets you set small goals and see those goals fulfilled, and it gets you to focus time on yourself in a constructive way. Basically it's good for the self esteem, not only because you are muscular, but because of all the work it took to get there. It's a physical manifestation of you valuing your own body.

As for women, lots of women say they don't like overly muscular guys or care about muscles on a guy either way. IMO most people in the general population don't lift and aren't familiar with it, so it takes only a small amount of work to look strong or fit to most people. Women tend to value big/strong arms the most, and a lot of people see visible abs as the ultimate measure of fitness because they don't understand body fat percentages lol, but abs aren't really necessary. If your main aim in lifting is to get women, you wouldn't have to get bodybuilder levels of big to improve your chances.


IDK man, it seems like you just don't want to go to the gym in which case, don't stress over it. You don't have to go.



chris1989
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27 Apr 2023, 11:37 am

racheypie666 wrote:
If you don't want to go, don't go - especially if you don't care for the aesthetic.

I would say most people who lift to the point where they look muscular also come to enjoy lifting, which means they're doing it for pleasure as well as to look good.

chris1989 wrote:
I also seem to think that those guys who hit the gym are afterwards somehow ''cured'' of their insecurities, are free of anxiety and stress in their lives and from then on, have a perfect life with a lot more friends and boy/girlfriends just because they went to the gym whereas before all of that they had few friends. I have heard of some men who have hit the gym and still don't get as much attention. I remember in a video for dating tips, someone was asking girls and young women in public about finding muscly men attractive and a number of women didn't always find it attractive and one even said that someone who obsesses about looking good and going to the gym a lot obsessively is unattractive and isn't allowing much time for the relationship.


People who go to the gym are still human beings - you'll get some who feel better for it, some who are terminally insecure, and everything inbetween. I think what you're seeing in the people who feel "cured" might be less to do with the actual results of lifting, and more to do with the character-building that happens along the way. It teaches discipline, self-motivation, it lets you set small goals and see those goals fulfilled, and it gets you to focus time on yourself in a constructive way. Basically it's good for the self esteem, not only because you are muscular, but because of all the work it took to get there. It's a physical manifestation of you valuing your own body.

As for women, lots of women say they don't like overly muscular guys or care about muscles on a guy either way. IMO most people in the general population don't lift and aren't familiar with it, so it takes only a small amount of work to look strong or fit to most people. Women tend to value big/strong arms the most, and a lot of people see visible abs as the ultimate measure of fitness because they don't understand body fat percentages lol, but abs aren't really necessary. If your main aim in lifting is to get women, you wouldn't have to get bodybuilder levels of big to improve your chances.


IDK man, it seems like you just don't want to go to the gym in which case, don't stress over it. You don't have to go.


I must therefore be unlikable to people of the opposite sex just because I am quite thin and medium built and have some muscle on my arms but don't have muscular body-builder like arms. Does that explain as one of the reasons then as to why I have few friends and no experience of a long term relationship?



ProfessorJohn
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27 Apr 2023, 12:25 pm

chris1989 wrote:

I must therefore be unlikable to people of the opposite sex just because I am quite thin and medium built and have some muscle on my arms but don't have muscular body-builder like arms. Does that explain as one of the reasons then as to why I have few friends and no experience of a long term relationship?


Do you have Asperger's or ASD?



racheypie666
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27 Apr 2023, 12:32 pm

chris1989 wrote:

I must therefore be unlikable to people of the opposite sex just because I am quite thin and medium built and have some muscle on my arms but don't have muscular body-builder like arms. Does that explain as one of the reasons then as to why I have few friends and no experience of a long term relationship?


racheypie666 wrote:
As for women, lots of women say they don't like overly muscular guys or care about muscles on a guy either way... If your main aim in lifting is to get women, you wouldn't have to get bodybuilder levels of big to improve your chances.


I said you don't have to look like a bodybuilder and that most women will think a bit of muscle on the arms is enough to seem attractive. You seem to have just projected your own views onto it and taken it completely the opposite way. If you want to maintain your perspective so you can keep feeling the injustice of it, that's fine, but that's not what I said.

I'd say the fact you're autistic is more likely to be the cause of few friends and no experience of a long term relationship, wouldn't you say? It's a disorder that impairs us socially, after all. That doesn't mean you can't get a girl or friends, btw, just that it inherently makes it harder.

Look at couples when you're out and about in the world - it's not just jacked men walking around with girlfriends and social lives. While women might crush on Chris Hemsworth or whatever, they're generally much more realistic in real life, in the same way that men like celebrity women but end up marrying an averagely pretty woman from their hometown.



chris1989
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27 Apr 2023, 12:46 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
chris1989 wrote:

I must therefore be unlikable to people of the opposite sex just because I am quite thin and medium built and have some muscle on my arms but don't have muscular body-builder like arms. Does that explain as one of the reasons then as to why I have few friends and no experience of a long term relationship?


Do you have Asperger's or ASD?


Yes I have Asperger's Syndrome.



ProfessorJohn
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27 Apr 2023, 1:18 pm

Asperger's explains it more, most likely. How many guys on this board seem to be very successful with women? We can use every advantage we can get. If lifting will help some, go for it.

As a previous poster said also, I almost always feel better after a workout session. I jam to some tunes (AC/DC, Black Sabbath, or the Scorpions are good lifting music) or listen to a podcast, and go at it. I walk away knowing I am doing what I can to improve myself.