I have a problem keeping contact online.

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Niktereuto
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 65
Location: Mexico

06 Apr 2023, 6:08 pm

I have read that is better for autistic people to have friends online, and some prefer texting to talking in person.
I'm Gen Z. It's supposed that social networks should be something I excel at. But I'm not good at chatting. When I was in high school, I tried hard to connect and make friends on Facebook. That was how my neurotypical peers made new friends. My conversations with others were something like this:

I: Hi.
Others: Hi.
I: How are you?
Others: Fine, and you?
I: Fine too. What are you doing?
... (repeat in a loop days after)

I never knew how to develop a conversation with others.

Now as an adult, I don't like chatting. I don't know how to start and keep a conversation online. I don't like being on my phone for hours thinking about what to reply to. I don't reply to most of the messages I receive.
I have known many people in person, but I don't develop a friendship because I'm not capable of keep talking in a chat.

I prefer to talk in person because that's a way I can force myself to talk with others. In person, I can't escape easily. In person, I feel the obligation to keep the interaction until both of us agree to leave. But in-person relationships are exhausting.
It seems that I want to have friends, but I don't want to deal with them.


_________________
「何色になりたい?」
ー椎名ましろ
I'm a diagnosed Aspie and ADHDer.


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 30,023
Location: Right over your left shoulder

06 Apr 2023, 7:14 pm

I also have this trouble. :oops:


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,894
Location: Hell

06 Apr 2023, 7:40 pm

I have a MUCH easier time talking online than in person. Sometimes it can be harder to read the other person, though, which can make it tricky to gauge interest.



DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,873
Location: PNW USA

06 Apr 2023, 7:47 pm

Most neurodiverse people have trouble with or don't like small-talk. You might find it easier if you talk about things you want to talk about. Asking other people questions about things that are interesting to you might help. Because the people who answer you will probably have the same interest and enthusiasm you do on that subject. That sort of helps you skip the small-talk while still getting to know someone.

In-person conversations can be harder for sure, but forcing yourself to do that exclusively can really drain your social batteries (and lead to some less than positive interactions)



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,455
Location: New York City (Queens)

07 Apr 2023, 10:13 pm

Niktereuto wrote:
I: Hi.
Others: Hi.
I: How are you?
Others: Fine, and you?
I: Fine too. What are you doing?
... (repeat in a loop days after)

I never knew how to develop a conversation with others.

Who have you been trying to talk to? Just random people, or people with whom you have specific interests in common?

If you have specific interests in common, you can exchange info and ideas about your common interests.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.


Niktereuto
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 65
Location: Mexico

08 Apr 2023, 9:33 am

At the time I was interested in actively trying to make friends, yes, I chatted with random people. That was in high school, so these random people were classmates and classmates' friends from other schools.

Currently, I have made friends with people with similar interests. The last friend I did in this way was three years ago on Facebook. The problem is that my interest which relates to him is gone. I'm not interested in that anymore. Also, he has his interests which I don't know much to want to keep a conversation.


_________________
「何色になりたい?」
ー椎名ましろ
I'm a diagnosed Aspie and ADHDer.


banjovamp
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2023
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 107
Location: Georgia, USA

11 Apr 2023, 9:47 pm

Typically if someone does not initiate more than asking how are you or what's up, I won't engage with them either.
9/10 times the conversation runs dry, and it's such a pattern that I don't even want to continue putting my energy into the exchange.



Winters Gate
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Apr 2023
Gender: Female
Posts: 713
Location: Scenic over there

28 Apr 2023, 3:18 pm

I have the same issue.

It feels like the issues I have talking to people in person (people I don't really know)
come up for me online also. Especially when people want to only engage in small talk.
I hit the end of my script for that and I'm sitting there wondering what to say. Though I have issues trying to join conversations also. I just don't always have words. Or I get overwhelmed if someone is talking me directly and don't know what to do. It's embarrassing really.

It is easier for me to talk to people one on one. Well people I know anyway.

I was told making friends online would be easier but it sure hasn't been.