I May Have Been Outed.

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Your parents are probably around my age, when we grew up any "mental illness" carried a lot of stigmas.

Also, American culture is very extraverted and looks suspiciously upon those who are not "people persons".

I know exactly what you mean. It would be more ammunition for unscrupulous people to throw at you.

Coincidentally, me and my daughter were diagnosed at the same time. Because she was a child, we obviously had to tell her school and college, and my husband for some reason told his sister. I don't know why he did that. But our daughter doesn't seem to mind. She is also more obviously autistic than me, I presume because she never learned to mask or be ashamed of it. I don't think she cares who knows.

I told my only two local friends about me. They both basically said, 'so what, you're just you, we still like you.' However one of them dumped me last year, I doubt it was connected to autism. I don't know the reason but I'm tired of wondering why people dump me so I don't care anymore.

I've told some close email friends, who said the same, and now they know why I get confused sometimes and need things explaining.

I did NOT tell my mother. She would crow, 'I always knew there was something wrong with you! That explains why you've always been so weird.'

She is the only family I have so I haven't got the dilemma of worrying about hordes of relatives judging me.

Oh yes Edna! Soooo true. The number of work meetings I used to be in where I gave an idea, no one listened, then someone repeated my idea and got celebrated and congratulated.

It's like I'm invisible. I'm sure you know the feeling! We all do.

How did I miss that? That is hilarious!! ! Great photo shop.

I am extroverted and a "people person" and still invoke suspicion. It's seems to be the ASD intensity. Too introverted or too extraverted. Of course me dancing up and down at 50 saying "I like people" as if they are cats probably doesn't help.


In a group of women and men? My team had Autistic men and that still that happened to me (not them), so I attributed it mostly to gender there.

I know the feeling of having all the attention, controlling the crowd and the whole room with glee.

I also know the feeling of feeling ignored, insignificant and silence.

I also know the unintentional discomfort under the spotlight, not wanting attention.

I also know the feeling of the relief that I'm beneath notice.


In essence, yes.

In my family, I'm this... Elder child who acts like the youngest child.

In my culture, the eldest child takes care of many serious decision making matters and responsibilities.
And, chipping in after the elders; parents, aunts, uncles, etc.

But no.
In my family, I'm one of the 'kids'. Because I cannot uphold an elder child's duty. My NT sister does that instead.
I apparently do not belong to serious discussion related to legal matters except as a beneficiary... Or as a problem to worry about.

And this is why I tried so hard to make a life outside my family.

Anyone who actually needs a family would probably envy me -- having a whole family, ready to assist, and never abandoning you, no strings attached?

Sure they will listen, but how much do they understand?

Why not just accept? Why just be ungrateful?

Because I want an equal. I never had an equal in real life. There is no one.
So in any dynamic I ended up into, I just don't feel like putting up with it.

Even if I'm the one who's putting it together, even if I'm the leader or the voice, even if the leader or the senior between the relationship -- if it's not an equal, it didn't matter because either both sides of unequals makes me feel used.

In real life, I would never disclose to a non-equal.
But those who knew are not my equals -- not my true peers in a sense.

Most of it are superiors/seniors/nurturers like my mom who tells and discloses it to everyone -- because I'm their responsibility. And because I'm someone's responsibility.
And it's not my choice, my consent. A luxury I do not have as someone who isn't diagnosed as an adult.

So if I were tricked instead...
Yeah I'd be very vexed.

Yes funnily enough 99% of the time it was a man who overheard my idea and repeated it. No idea who was autistic or who wasn't, this was many years ago. Autism wasn't on my radar back then.

A gay male friend told me once that he'd noticed men doing this to women in places he'd worked, too. I suppose it could have been because men's voices are louder but they still had to hear me in the first place to steal my idea.

I've noticed on panel shows that women's voices often get overwhelmed by men's voices. If the panel guests are nice, they point this out: 'Laura just gave that answer a minute ago before you did!'

e.g. I noticed this with Jo Brand on Would I Lie To You recently. Lee and Bobby just talked over her, then Rob pointed this out.