"Likeability" Test

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No you did exactly the right thing there! I've learned that if I take the side of person A, they will run to person B telling tales of what I said, as if I just came out with it with no other reference. And the same if I take the side of person B.

It's best to just sympathise with people and don't commit yourself IMO.

I don't know what is wrong with British people. When they see someone having an emotion, they don't know what to do and tell them to stop having it. We can't. We are human.

Italians and Spaniards don't care about people showing emotions, they just accept them. If you were Italian or Spanish, Joe, your colleagues wouldn't care if you showed an emotion.

Yes, and even if people don't believe you're really on their side they'll still like the fact that you preferred being nice than disagreeable. Sometimes honesty isn't always the best policy.

I got fat and I knew I was fat and so wasn't ready to be offended if someone pointed out to me. Like when I hadn't seen my dad for a few weeks then when I saw him again and hugged him he yelled out how fat I'd got. I laughed, because it was TRUE (my dad can be blunt like that but not intending to upset you though). I just said "yeah, I know, I'm going to start dieting come the spring." Then when I started dieting and lost a lot of weight I wanted honest answers from people, and my cousin said I'd lost weight but then added "not that you were fat before really..." But I said "you don't need to add that. I was fat, which was why I dieted." I didn't need people telling me I'm not fat or wasn't fat. I was fat. Just like my eyes are blue. *Shrug*

I do get sensitive and self-conscious about myself, which is why I wanted to lose weight, because I didn't like looking fat. But being told I was fat didn't upset me. If someone said I was fat now I'd just say "you're just saying that to upset me, because I know I'm not fat any more, I'm happy with my weight and how much I've lost."

Yes, I'm weird.

Being in public places is the hardest for me because the hidden rule is to not show any emotions if you're by yourself, and if you're with other people you can show emotions but they have to be positive and limited to 'calm and cool'. As an ADHD person being calm and cool requires a lot of mental effort. I just wish strangers in public minded their own business and didn't give a crap what other people were doing. That's what I thought it was like when I was a child and a teenager - I had it in my head that if a person doesn't know you they automatically won't judge you so you can behave how you like. I learnt the hard way that is not the case (I learnt this in my mid-teens, while most NTs learn this at around 5-6 years old, some earlier, some a bit later but not usually as late as 15-16). Now it's kind of gone the opposite for me - I worry more about what strangers think of me than my own friends, family, colleagues, etc. I think it's because people who know you well just get used to you, while strangers only see you from their own eyes and are quick to judge.

Yes, there's all these stupid rules in Britain about emotions aren't there Positive emotions are the only ones allowed. This is not true in many other countries.

We badly need emotional education in Britain. In schools and colleges. We need to learn from childhood what emotions are and how to cope with our own and other people's.

That bit I underlined is EXACTLY the problem with the world today. We don't have communities anymore, so most people are strangers and don't understand each other. That's why there is so much conflict.

When we live in communities, people get to know each other and get used to our idiosyncrasies and see our good points too.

Numerous times people have said to me 'Oh! You're kind aren't you!' 'Oh! You're so nice now I've got to know you! You seemed cold at first!'

As Duckhairback said, once people spend time with us, they get to realise we're nice. It's just that no one spends time with each other anymore, they quickly judge at first impression and move on.

The world is too fast moving for autistic people now...