17 May 2023, 9:54 am
17 May 2023, 2:20 pm
18 May 2023, 3:32 am
18 May 2023, 3:40 am
MuddRM
Velociraptor
Joined: 2 Sep 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 467
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township, PA
18 May 2023, 4:14 am
18 May 2023, 9:23 am
Fnord wrote:
@All: There is a difference between 'Unsafe' and 'Unpleasant'.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
Yes exactly. And autistic people are mistaken for unsafe when we might only be unpleasant
I'm talking about people who are actually harmful to others. Or I was trying to, anyway.
18 May 2023, 9:26 am
18 May 2023, 9:33 am
19 May 2023, 7:16 am
19 May 2023, 9:29 am
23 Jul 2023, 6:12 pm
KitLily wrote:
Fnord wrote:
@All: There is a difference between 'Unsafe' and 'Unpleasant'.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
Yes exactly. And autistic people are mistaken for unsafe when we might only be unpleasant
I'm talking about people who are actually harmful to others. Or I was trying to, anyway.
This comes close to what went through my head reading the post that started this thread. My wife sometimes gets outraged by others, without considering their point of view at all, and gets similarly annoyed with me if she feels I am not sufficiently taking her side. To her, that means I am being insensitive and disloyal. But I am a temperamental optimist with a very strong sense of fairness, and would certainly want someone to tell me if they thought I was judging someone else unfairly.
To me, always having someone's back does not require agreeing with everything they say or do. We can question a loved one's particular words or deeds without that being any kind of attack on their character -- even though they may mistake the one for the other. I want people to do that for me if they feel it is warranted.
23 Jul 2023, 11:44 pm
notSpock wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Fnord wrote:
@All: There is a difference between 'Unsafe' and 'Unpleasant'.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
A person with only poor social or verbal skills is unpleasant.
A person who also abuses, exploits, or threatens others is unsafe.
Yes exactly. And autistic people are mistaken for unsafe when we might only be unpleasant
I'm talking about people who are actually harmful to others. Or I was trying to, anyway.
This comes close to what went through my head reading the post that started this thread. My wife sometimes gets outraged by others, without considering their point of view at all, and gets similarly annoyed with me if she feels I am not sufficiently taking her side. To her, that means I am being insensitive and disloyal. But I am a temperamental optimist with a very strong sense of fairness, and would certainly want someone to tell me if they thought I was judging someone else unfairly.
To me, always having someone's back does not require agreeing with everything they say or do. We can question a loved one's particular words or deeds without that being any kind of attack on their character -- even though they may mistake the one for the other. I want people to do that for me if they feel it is warranted.
I think there's a way to do it so that the person who is close to you feels supported and you can still let them know they were wrong in some way. I would start by saying something supportive first, not untrue, but just an affirmation that you are on their side. And then, once they feel safe and supported, you can go on to point out whatever you feel was incorrect about what they did or said. (But still do it tactfully, though for me that's easier said than done.)
24 Jul 2023, 3:45 am
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