what was your diagnosis journey like?

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Or, how did you come to realize you might be autistic?

All of the signs in my childhood went by either unnoticed or were attributed to something else. I didn't really suspect I had anything going on until my early 20s, where I felt like the entire world was moving on without me. Friends were going to college, getting married, moving away, etc. And I was stuck and unable to move forward seemingly. For years this went on, and I wondered.... what's wrong with me? Something must be wrong with me. Why can't I do the things other people are doing with seemingly no issues.

I eventually decided to google stuff, and learned about ADHD. I figured that had to be it.
I eventually went to a local state-funded clinic for help. They helped me address the barriers I was facing, and with their help I was able to get myself together enough to get a proper job.

It wasn't until this year that I considered autism to be an option, even though a few people had brought it up to me in the past. I think largely because the diagnostic criteria often describes autism as it affects allistic people, and not how we actually experience it. I'd google autism symptoms and they'd all say stuff like "no empathy, violent, angry", etc, and I'd be like, well, that doesn't describe me.

My parents had me evaluated for ADHD when I was in middle school. I was diagnosed pretty quickly. I remember being really mad about it at the time. Until then my world was full of adults who were mad at me for reasons I usually didn't understand, even when I was trying to do something nice. I think I had gotten by in life up until then with a very "I'm not the problem, you're the problem" attitude. From my point of view a diagnosis challenged that assumption.

There were always some things I didn't talk about though, things I hid from other because I knew they weren't normal and I didn't want to be made to feel even more strange. For one, I am not great with faces. I can tell you in any given week a situation where I didn't recognize someone I know or work with because they were dressed differently or I saw them in an unexpected place. I've always made excuses for it, and I think maybe people think I don't like them sometimes, but I just have no idea who they are. Another one is sensory issues. I don't like the feel of certain fabrics or loud sounds in general. Sometimes it feels like when I'm at a dinner party my eardrums are exploding. Connecting with a local adults-with-autism meetup group helped me figure out some strategies for improving my quality of life. Last year I went ahead and was evaluated and was diagnosed with ASD Level 1. My life is mostly the same since then. I don't disclose to most people, since it's frankly none of their business. However, knowing more about myself has helped me to stop my negative internal monologue of "Why did you say that!?" or "How could you forget this!?" I've gotten better at accepting that this is just who I am and I need to cut myself some slack sometimes.

That about sums it up. In terms of a diagnosis journey, I am privileged to not be underemployed, although whether I am overemployed is a whole other discussion . Anyway, I have good insurance and a decent-paying job, so for me, getting assessed was as easy as walking in the door and making an appointment. I just had to get up the courage to do it. Oddly, that's the part that took me 36 years.