Frustration when engaged in your interest?

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I am a person who is very interested in poetry. I sing and recite peotry.
One could say that it is my special interest but I am not so sure one should use that term in my case.

Special interests seems to be a lot about the state of flow and being happy when being engaged in it.
Trying to be in a state of flow is bad for me. It gives me more frustration.

I do feel happy at times but I also get frustrated a lot. I get frustrated a lot because things can be so difficult at times.
I wish I could be like you guys and just enjoy the interest.

I feel that it is mostly about struggles and difficulties that I need to overcome. That sounds very negative. It really does. But I have times when I experience how good I am at it.

What are your experiences?

I'm no expert but it sounds like that may be an OCD rumination or compulsion as opposed to a special interest. You didn't prove enough detail to really say but you may look into that. I've seen a lot of resources that can help with those, but they would be handled differently than a special interest.

A special interest doesn't have to be something you always enjoy everything about 100%, or mean that it's never frustrating or have it's ups and downs. Most of my special interests are frustrating at times. My interest in them exceeds the frustration, and the frustration is usually what drives me to overcome the obstacle. I don't do it cos it's easy. I do it despite being hard. Cos I enjoy it, and want to do it.

I'm often frustrated when all I want to do is engage with my special interests and it feels like the entire universe is conspiring to force me to do literally anything else.

However, I'm also sometimes frustrated while engaging in my special interests. Anything can be frustrating, especially if it requires skill and you have high standards of quality. Many years ago, poetry was my main thing too and I could also become frustrated with it.

One of my special interests is Disneyland. Yes, even being on vacation at a theme park can be frustrating. Once, I tried to take a shorter trip to save on money, so I had limited time. I rushed right to the park without stopping to eat and became over-hungry for most of my trip. At one point, I wanted to cross the park, but there was a parade just then. So I tried to get there on the Disneyland Railroad. The train never came. So I crossed the park the long way around and by the time I rode Space Mountain, I missed the time window for my mobile food order and the park was closed. So I went to have dinner at a nearby Denny's. Denny's was closed. Denny's, the restaurant whose sole claim to fame is always being open, was closed. So I went next door to IHOP. My check said, "Please pay your server." The server never came back. By this time, it was 2AM and I was having a panic attack about having to walk back to my hotel and having to get up in the morning. Finally, I paid at the front, which I guess is what "Pay your server" means? It all sounds silly now, but was I ever frustrated at the time.

I'm frequently frustrated, period. Sometimes it seems like it's my primary emotion.

I agree with this. It's different than things that fall outside of my special interests (most things). When I was homeschooling, I was extremely frustrated with math. My parents, who both enjoyed math in school, said I had the wrong attitude and I should view it as a challenge. But unlike my special interests, it was a challenge I had no interest in undertaking. I knew I wasn't going to be a mathematician, so it seemed pointless to me.

I do not have OCD. Only ASD.


People sometimes say things that can be interpreted as "special interests are something that people do for fun".

Well, in my opinion, nothing can be only fun, ie without frustration and struggles.

It always amazed me that people with special interest could be really great at dealing with difficulties in their interest.
They would be people who felt more calm when engaged in it. For me it can lead to being less calm at times.

Have I missunderstood something?

I hear people, both with and without ASD, talking about how nice it is to engage in an interest they like. They enjoy it so much...and I'm getting bloody frustrated at times.

I'm wondering if these people get very frustrerad at times but are hiding it or better at being honest about their weaknesses and strengths.

What do you think?

Just remembering all the text and melodies can be difficult. It seems that I wasn't given the gift of being very good at memorization that we people with ASD should have. I struggle with what I am supposed to be good at.

What do you mean by high standards of quality?

I think there's more than one type of Special Interest.

There are many special interests that do not require any sort of skill or effort to engage in. There are many special interests where the possibilities for frustration are few and far between.

If one's special interest is the sitcom "Friends", and all that that entails is endlessly watching "Friends" over and over, there's not exactly a whole lot to get frustrated about, aside from not being able to watch "Friends".

If one's special interest is the band Pink Floyd, and the way they enjoy it is "listen to Pink Floyd", there's not a whole lot to get frustrated over, other than not being able to listen to Pink Floyd.

If one's special interest is "reading poetry", and the way they engage in this is by simply reading poetry, then the only things that can really frustrate that are not being able to read poetry, or not being able to find satisfactory poetry to read.

However, if one's special interest is to CREATE a sitcom, like "friends", that's a much more complex undertaking, and far more liable to lead to frustration, due to the sudden arrival of things like "expectations". Same goes for someone who wants to CREATE music like Pink Floyd, or one who wants to WRITE poetry instead of just reading it. Some people are lucky enough to already be good at the things they want to do. Others want to do things they're not good at, and do it despite the struggle.

I work on cars. It's hot and greasy and dirty and sweaty, I smash my fingers and scrape my knuckles, get pinched cut and burned, and things sometimes break. But that's part of the journey, and means very little to me, compared to the fact that I can bring a destroyed V8 back to life, swap an engine, rebuild a transmission, and overhaul a suspension. I don't always feel like working on cars. But I've been doing it for 25 years now, and I still do all of my own car work, because I'd still rather do it myself than take it to a shop.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd wager you don't just want to sing and recite poetry half-assed-ly, but want to be proficient at it, too. Your expectation of yourself seems to include the ability to recall, and accurately sing, a poem from memory. It's much easier to get into a "state of flow" when all one has to do is listen and enjoy. When you're the performer, that "state of flow" only comes with proficiency. Until then, it takes focus and concentration and work to get to that point. It's the moments where your skill and ability shine through, when you can see "how good you are" or how good you can be, that make it worth it.

Quality in art can be subjective, so I guess what I mean to say is, if you have some sort of goal or ambition for how your creative work is going to turn out, it can be frustrating getting it there. Sometimes a creative person can be their own worst critic. (Nowadays, drawing is my special creative interest, rather than poetry.)

I only did readings of my poetry a couple times, but I had the text with me to read from. The rhythm might be a bit trickier, but maybe there's some way to mark it off on the text, kind of like musical notation?

What kind of goals do we need? And whom can help us with setting them goals?



I agree with you!
My interest is a lot about skills.
Most of the time when I practice I find it hard to get into the flow. When perfoming it might happen; only if I really am good at something.

In order to enjoy doing something I must be very good at. I wish I could find out what I am reqlly good at, ie finding out what gifts I have.

I recently started to memorize I specific poem.
When I could recite by heart I had the next issue; how to recite it correctly in a dramatic way?

I am often dissatisfied. But I am not sure that have to be only a negative thing. Aspergers doesn't make it easier!

A lot of people seem to think this way, but I'm not sure it's the right way to go about things. Very few people have "natural gifts" in that sense. Some people may have things going for them that give them an advantage compared to others, but most people with talent don't "have a gift they discovered", so much as they wanted to learn that skill, and put in the time and effort to learn it and get good at it. People tend to be good at whatever they put in the time and patience to learn and get good at. Rather than depending on finding some hypothetical "natural skill" to guide your interests, pick a thing you want to get or be good at, and practice it. That's what most people do.



That's the learning process. Some people may find this process easier than others, but that's still the process. First you memorize the words. Then you learn to say them on tempo. Then you learn to say them with passion. Then you do it so much, you can do it without thinking. That's when you can get "in the zone". Then you do it all over again with the next song or poem. Do it enough times for enough songs / poems, and you get better and faster at hashing out those parts on new songs / poems.

The dissatisfaction is from not being as good as you'd like to be. Understandably, you want to be better at it. If you want to be better, practice. "Gifts" and "natural talent" are a poor substitute for training and practice. People who rely on "gifts" often hit a wall in their ability to grow and improve, cos they're not used to working at it - they're used to, and expect to be, "naturally good" at it. Real ability comes from overcoming the various obstacles one confronts while developing the skills necessary to excel in one's desired field.

That's a good question. I don't think there's any one answer to it. It depends on the person.

My own goals have changed a lot of over the years. I've finished a lot of standalone artwork but I've still yet to finish a really big project. I used to try to write novels and I always dropped them about 3 chapters in. I'm currently very, verrrrrry slowly working on a children's picture book that I hope to finish someday.

What is it that makes the special interest distressing for you? I wouldn't say it's unusual to be distressed by it, the way they tend to occupy our minds can make having a special interest very disruptive even if it's something that also brings joy.

I know you've shot down the OCD idea, but if the distress you're getting refers to something like, say, counting the rhythm of a poem and needing to do that over and over, it could be OCD. My sister has a form of OCD and that's one of her primary symptoms, counting the cadence in people's speech patterns.
It's actually very common to have both OCD and ASD!

For what it's worth, I'm entirely self-diagnosed, but I believe I have both OCD and ASD as well.

Realistic, and incremental.

"I should just have a knack for this!" is not a realistic goal. Expecting to just be good at something, or to be able to pick it up in a matter of days or weeks, is not realistic. As you're noticing, there's a lot that goes into reciting poetry, between getting the rhythm, the intonation, the dramatic flair, memorizing the thing, etc. These are difficult for most people, autistic or otherwise. I've spent over 8 years in college. Most people dislike speaking in front of others, and very few of them are really skilled at it - even among NTs.

Realist incremental goals are similar to the troubles you've encountered so far when reciting poems. First read it. Then read it aloud. Then read it aloud, with tempo. Then read it aloud with tempo, and drama. Then read it aloud with tempo from memory - but not all at once. Divide it up into verses. Do one verse from memory. Then add another verse. Keep adding verse till you remember it all. Then keep reciting the whole things from mem. Then start adding flair and drama. Don't expect these things to be easy, or to happen in a matter of days, or even weeks.

Realistic, in that you're not going from, "read the poem once" to "recite it from memory perfectly with dramatic effect" in a few days. There's several reasonable steps along the way. Incrementally working their way towards the desired outcome.



Professionals.

That's literally their job. I like to sing. If I wanted concrete input on what I could be doing better, and how to do it, I'd make an appointment with a singing coach. That's what they do. Just one visit, get some feedback.

In your case, I might recommend a voice coach that works with stage actors or similar. They can help you figure out what your goals are, how to best split them up into realistic steps to work at, and what how to practice and get better at them.

In the meantime, you could look up voice coaching for poetry or theater on youtube. It's a mixed bag, cos any fool can post their thoughts and give bad or incorrect advice, but you may at least get some ideas. Speaking to a professional coach helps make sure the advice and direction you get is more likely of reasonable quality.