Inability to form friendships

Page 2 of 2 [ 26 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

03 Oct 2023, 7:21 am

blitzkrieg wrote:

I totally agree with this, KitLily. Society is more selfish, in the current day.

Yes and capitalism plays a big part- people are only interested in working and money now days. Unfortunately so does the internet because we can find communities online now for support. But as I said, online friends can't do anything to help physically like come round and help us move house/ babysit/ bring a meal when we're ill etc.

We're all on our own, individual track working towards our own goals. Not community goals anymore.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 115
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,820
Location: The line in the sand

03 Oct 2023, 8:35 am

KitLily wrote:

blitzkrieg wrote:

I totally agree with this, KitLily. Society is more selfish, in the current day.

I totally agree!

Community seems to be a thing of the past for many people. No wonder so many people suffer from mental health issues in the current day.

Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,449
Location: New York City (Queens)

03 Oct 2023, 12:30 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:

Community seems to be a thing of the past for many people.

... which means that those of us who want community need to make a point of helping each other find ways to build it. If there are enough of us, we can build it.

_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.

TT1660
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Apr 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 521

04 Oct 2023, 10:31 pm

Highly_Autistic wrote:

Seriously i dont remember the last time when i had a friend. The only thing i communicate with is my family.

I'm feeling like a socially disabled person. Being 25 years old and not going forward since childhood, damn.

Do i try hard to learn social skills, or is it in my genes and cant change it ? If i cant change it, i'd better move to a mountain top and isolate myself completely

Does it get better or worse with age
Anyone who can speak from experience ?

I hear ya. The OCD in me causes myself to focus on NTs (particularly younger females) as though they are all identical. IE their neutral non-hyperactive way of reacting and speaking, in non life-threatending/tense situations.

I just feel like once you've spoken to one, you've spoken to them all. I've said this several times. But it's true. It's possible that I have no idea what it's like to communicate without being hyperactive. But it gets to me. I am hopeless socially, and I tend to kill interactions very quickly. And if I'm not doing so, then I quickly find a way to circumvent such.

Campingbare
Sea Gull

Joined: 26 Sep 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 220
Location: Central Florida

04 Oct 2023, 11:10 pm

As said above, don't force it. Focus on quality not quantity. I have 2 long-established friends still alive. I have some younger folks I consider friends, but I sort of consider they are probational. I don't rely on them for anything crucial yet. They may prove themselves reliable friends, but if they don't I'm not going to stress over them. I had enough of that when I was young (I'm retired now). I will say that I have shared that I am autistic with them, and it hasn't seemed to change anything about our interactions yet.

_________________
Broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 139 of 200 Your neurotypical score: 60 of 200
Aspie Quiz (v5) 155 of 200 .. AQ 48 . Detailed Aspie Quotient for adults 1,540 out of 2,200 (70%)
RAADS-R Total 192 of 240 Social Problems 91 Circumscribed Interests 42 Language 19 Sensory Motor 40
Meyer-Briggs: INTP Comorbidities: Narcolepsy, NFLE, Alexithemia, Dyspraxia, Prosopagnosia, Anomia, IBS
........................If God meant for us to go around naked, we'd have been born that way........................

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

05 Oct 2023, 4:25 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

blitzkrieg wrote:

Community seems to be a thing of the past for many people.

... which means that those of us who want community need to make a point of helping each other find ways to build it. If there are enough of us, we can build it.

I agree, Mona, but I don't know how. Everyone rejects me in real life wherever I turn, so who should I find?

Although next year we are moving house, away from this village, so hopefully I'll find more accepting people.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,449
Location: New York City (Queens)

05 Oct 2023, 10:34 pm

KitLily wrote:

Everyone rejects me in real life wherever I turn, so who should I find?

Although next year we are moving house, away from this village, so hopefully I'll find more accepting people.

Hopefully, once you move to a decent-sized city, you'll be able to find maybe a local autistic adult support group plus maybe some groups devoted to one or more of your hobbies.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

06 Oct 2023, 1:01 am

Mona Pereth wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Everyone rejects me in real life wherever I turn, so who should I find?

Although next year we are moving house, away from this village, so hopefully I'll find more accepting people.

Hopefully, once you move to a decent-sized city, you'll be able to find maybe a local autistic adult support group plus maybe some groups devoted to one or more of your hobbies.

Well we're going to a town instead of a village, I suppose it's possible there's an autistic group. I'm not sure they really exist in England, but at least there are places like arts centres and theatres.

I'm planning to volunteer backstage at the theatre and the community garden. Even if people aren't autistic there, hopefully they'll appreciate my help.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

JustFoundHere
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Jan 2018
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,152
Location: California

14 Oct 2023, 3:37 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:

Have you looked into Best Buddies International? They do lots of cool things.

As for making friends, there are a few unwritten social rules

1. You can't force yourself on other people
2. People don't like it if you are negative, talk about the same topic over and over again
3. People don't like it when we go into lots of details
4. Most people don't really understand what autism is and nor do they want to

I sense it as favorable to develop friendships with Best Buddies Intl. supporters - that is supporters on the Austim Spectrum, yet NT-like.

Best Buddies Intl. is geared toward developmentally disabled who need support resources - many on the Autism Spectrum require very little support.

KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

15 Oct 2023, 4:20 am

I looked up Best Buddies International, it looks interesting but I've got more of a social disability IMO. I don't understand how to schmooze and say the right thing, suppress my feelings, read between the lines of what people are saying etc. All the things the NT world requires of me.

_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.

Page 2 of 2 [ 26 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Inability to form friendships Post Reply New Topic

Inability to form friendships