Would you miss it?

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{{{ huge hugs }}} and thanks for explaining. That's exactly what I was trying to say. The younger the person is, the more their brain will split because it's still forming. I have some sketchy vibes about my early childhood around age 3, just like you, but I don't know anything concrete. It seems like you have more "definites" than I do from that age range, and more solid proof that something went down. I'm really sorry that happened to you. All I can say is I love the person you've become, and you're helping to make WP a better place when you bring awareness to these sensitive topics.

Thanks again.

Yeah I used to lose full days when I was younger. It was worse in my early 20s. I'd get up in the morning and the next thing I knew it was like 9 o clock at night. I couldn't even tell you what had happened during those ours. I hated it. I had to kind of train myself to remember things. It's just like as if I was asleep. It's weird how you can function as normal and that no one would even know that actually you're completely gone.

It still happens now but not so extreme. Like I can walk to the shop for instance and I'll just kind of wake up there with no recollection of the journey. It is completely black.

The odd thing is though is that when I'm drunk or if I've been on drugs I can recall everything I've done and said.

I think it's why I'm such a control freak in many other areas of my life. I just hate that feeling of being out of control. Like I would really miss my eating disorder just because of the control aspect of it.

I'd like a trial run, first.

I have always laughed a lot, maybe it's a coping mechanism? But, my family and friends say I'm a riot. Being normal would have to be pretty awesome for me to give up my joy. I can always remember laughing, even during the trying times. So, I have trouble giving a definitive answer.

^ a trial run seems like an excellent idea.

I.don't know. Ive.lived my whole life with my conditions. I don't know what its.like not.to have them.

I

I assume I wouldn't miss my depression, but I always get kind of freaked out when I'm happy because I'm not used to it.
I think I would be better off with just one neurodivergence, either ADHD or Autism, not both.
I think with just Autism, I'd be more anxious but smarter, and with just ADHD I'd be funnier and happier, but more scatterbrained.
Intrusive thoughts can go and die for all I care, and my compulsive lying isn't so bad that it'd affect me too much.

It must be awful having depression full time.

My therapist is helping me to get in contact with my feelings and I sometimes feel sad and that's hard but I would hate to feel depressed all the time. It's no wonder you wouldn't miss it.