Dealing with autistic burnout

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My last big one was about a year and a half ago and hit me right in the middle of a work team building day. I tend to shut down rather than meltdown when I'm overcooked.

I was working as middle management in a community service organisation through the first year of the Covid outbreak and had accumulated a fearsome amount of stress and trauma, I could feel it building for a couple of weeks prior... Bang, it decided to turn up properly that day. It was horrible, trying to string a sentence together to try and explain what was going on felt like trying to talk with sawdust in my mouth, my body and brain just didn't want to do it.

What tends to make it worse for me is that I've been told that I look very arrogant, dismissive and uncaring about others when I'm really burnt out as I get very protective of how I spend my energy when I'm in that state, and I don't have any to spare to articulate nice, polite social fluff and I will avoid interacting with others as much as I can get away with. This has probably hurt more than a few relationships over the years. I don't mean to hurt anyone though...

Mine has been since 2001 when I was hospitalised for a clinical nervous breakdown. Sadly I had to keep working full-time for several years after that, so I couldn't give in to my burnout and the exhaustion got worse. I've been on long-term disability now for over a decade and I've yet to feel relaxed or rested despite being at home in my pyjamas almost 24/7. I feel like I've made no improvements in terms of energy, stamina, sensory tolerance, or executive function despite working hundreds of hours with physiotherapy, occupational therapy, psychologists, and even speech therapists.

Many days I'm lucky if I can brush my hair or brush my teeth. I don't have any sort of schedule or routine for more than a day until I give up on it from disorganization and lack of motivation.

I don't expect to recover and frankly I don't want to. I have no interest in joining the rat race again, or even pretending that it interests me. It really doesn't. I can't think of anything social in my entire life, that I actually wanted to do.

Thank you for the replies! I'm so glad I found this place. You all are giving so much joy to me right now.

I am glad when I was going through burnout/breakdown (Whatever it was), I am glad that you and others said I needed to slow down and avoid stress, as my natural tendency to not want to let others down is to keep pushing, and pushing myself until I mentally or physically collapse!

Glad we can help. Is those things that can take years foe us to fathom out (And probably would never fathom out on our own) that can be discussed to enable us to understandourselves and what is, or was happening!

The joy comes in knowing there are others who have had similar things so one does not feel alone and isolated in the experience. Knowing what to do to recover is the other important part. (Which is not easy! The more I tried to reduce all my commitments so I could mentally recover, the more tasks others tried to pile on me because (In their words) "You got to keep going or you will stagnate" (The worst advice to give to someone going through burnout as they hit burnout because they kept going!), and what made it worse foe me is when I eventually said no to them, knowing my mother could not drive and I would have to take her, they would work on her instead and she would be doing the manual tasks for them (Despite her age) and I would have to help her which put more stress my way!

One needs to relax and take a long break from stress. If working and one has holidays, book them. If that does not work, go off sick... (See a doctor and try to explain!) Anything to reduce mental stress.

If one can't do that, at least reduce other outside commitments to others until one has recovered.
The only commitments you should do is to go on relaxing casual outings to unwind the stress.

I drove and drove and drove down many country lanes and roads, as driving relaxes me. (Relaxes me mentally. Physically can be tiring). As long as I stayed out of city or town traffic I would relax.
So I drove and I drove and I drove!

This is me on my bike. I'm going now to pick it up from the shop and plan to pedal for a few hours.

Helping out in a community garden may help.

I've pulled weeds while listening to a famous speaker talk about gardens.
He called me out and said to continue what I was doing.

I hope you have a lovely ride! Bikes may need adjustments to the gears, brakes and wheels after a few rides. This is normal. Wheels need to bed in, and cables stretch slightly (Even if ore-stressed).
Once done, should carry on reliably for a good while! A light oil such as GT85 or similar, and a chain cleaning tool with cleaning fluid makes the chain and the cogs last longer. (Clean first, oil after).