I don't know if what i do is just weird or i have something?

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I have always felt as if I was weird and there was something wrong with me when I was a little kid I would always try to fit in but nobody wanted to play with me and I was pretty fine with that I thought to myself and then when i thought i had made friends it felt weird because these 3 girls who I thought wheir my friends would always bully me and be mean but I thought that was normal and then there was always this one girl who would be mean to me during school but then outside of school she would be so nice to me and we would even hang out and have sleep overs and home life wasn't any better when my parents got divorced when I was very little and at the time I had an older and younger brother at the time so we lived with my mom and maybey spend some time with our dad that's if he even wanted to. With my mom life was ok but whenever we went with our dad he would either be the nicest and coolest person ever or the meanest and hit and berate us for doing something "bad". So when he got an xbox for my older brother I would always want to play with him on it but insted he played games with my little brother and I was left out thats how most of ur childhood was like I was the one left out from most things so I was pretty alone. So having almost no good social skill build up when I went to middle school I tried to make friends I did not do so well. When I tried making freinds I was always the one left out of conversations. Then I was always set to the counselers office because I had done something to make people around me uncomfortable and I always thought what was wrong with me and during middle school there was a lot of abuse in both households and I don't know why but my family would almost always say that "why can't you just be normal" or "your so weird". And now that im in highschool I have to admit my life has gotten better little by little sure I get the casual insults here and there but most of the time I am just ignored and am ok with that. But at school when I try to talk to people they always give me this weird look like "is this weirdo talking to me" and I know they dont look at other people like that cause I have seen them talk with other people. (P.S my older brother has a bit of a learning disability, little brother has ADHD, little sister has learning disability, little brother had severe Autism) All from the same mom but diffrent dads the ADHD brother and learning disability sister same dad. Older brother, me, little brother same dad. Sever autism diffrent dad. Don't know if this means anything.

MAYBEY WIERD THINGS I DO
watch anime
Like animal facts from before dinos - present
Talk a lot and cant really stop once get going
Can't really stay awake when I think something is boring
Shake my leg a lot even when standing up
Make beats to songs with things around me
Getting sick of foods when I eat to much
Having blow ups when im really emotional ( covering my ears, tensing my whole body, scratching my head a lot, making noises, yelling with my teeth clenched)
Like to have music always playing
Having plain foods
Looking around the room always
Always learning about new things then talk about them no stop the talk about something new
Talk to myself too much
Don't like changing my clothes
Don't take off my shoes even if it cost me nothing

Hello. I remember too wel the holding hands on ones ears bit!

Used to feel like torture at break times at school when it was raining and I could not escape from being placed in the hall with lots of noisy kids. I hated that. I would hide outside in the rain and get myself soaking wdt for the rest of the day to avoid that!

Being ignored in "Adult" conversations even though I am now way into my adulthood seems like part of daily life with the exception of my Mum and Mum and I are close, as we both think similar ways though she tihnks in words and I think more in pictures.

Talking to oneself... Haha! Done that but my thoughts go round inside my head BUT when you mentioned not being able to stop talking... That's me! I was dead quiet in school and college and would be told off many times for that. I would try and sit where I could not be seen as hated getting attention or drawing attention to myself... Teachers would try and put me at the front! Didn't like the very back because I knew that both the rougher kids sat there BUT also I fully well worked out how teachers would aim their attantion on the back. Often right at the front one had less attention depending on the teacher! Would work out the best places to sit to avoid attention so I could daydream. I could aven daydream with one part of my brain and record what the teacher said word for word with another part of my brain so when they would ask what they had said, I could tell them word for word, BUT if they pried further to ask further to check I knew what it meant, I was in trouble because the recording side of my brain would just record and give out word for word, so I would need to listen to what I said and quickly try and work it out from there!

But school and college were the very experiences I would never want to repeat... Even though a few teachers were loving and caring, and I did meet some nice people. I am so greatful for a school prefect The first two years that I was in secondary school. I was very shy and had no friends whatsoever, and she would look after me at break and lunch times. She allowed me to stand with her in the corridor while she ensured the other kids were outside... As all kids were supposed to be outside during break and lunch times, unless it was raining when all kids were supposed to be in the hall. So for those first two years I was looked after. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for her. I remember her name but have searched for her on the internet since but not found her. All I know is the little town (More of a village but was called a town as it has a castle in it) where she said she lived. Maybe I can search the internet again? I would love to hear from her and thank her for what she did! She was wonderful!

sounds normal for autism. You are among others who understand! <3

The only thing in your list that doesn't necessarily indicate an issue is watching anime - unless it's very obsessive, that one is pretty normal.


Definitely sounds like you got something going on. You're in good company here though! Lots of us have similar issues.

Welcome aboard.