The Really Bad Advice Thread

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or your mistress ^ ^

^^^ Or Hitler.

if you are pulled over in America, quickly exit your car as soon as the officer gets to the window so they know you're not hiding anything!

alternatively, pull a pistol on them. the officer will recognize your appreciation of the second amendment and will let you off easier.

Opening the gate of a house that holds in it, a very angry dog that probably bites, is a good idea.

Don't run or attempt to defend oneself as the angry dog tears you apart.

Take your afternoon walks on the Freeway, During rush hours ...Good to raise the excitement level ....!
Makes the lungs work harder to breathe ..... maybe polluted but stronger Lungs ,perhaps

Use an anchor as a brake for ones motor car.

Use a motor vehicle for an anchor on one's boat.

Here's how you make methamphetamine. You make it in your garage out of lip gloss, glass cleaner, butane lighter fluid, chocolate milk, used motor oil, and - here's the secret ingredient from the drugstore - Preparation H.
Cook it at 350 degrees Fahrenheit (can't use Celsius so you can't make it in Canada) and voila, viola,
or violin - you got methamphetamine!

I just offer the officer a beer.

You forgot the pseudoephedrine (commonly found in cold medicines) , oh wait that's good advice - scratch that

Unalive the local crime lord but make it look like a suicide, attach a suicide note to the body saying "I didn't unalive myself *your name here* did it' , police are as thick as pigsh*t and will automatically eliminate you from their investigation.

Actually...

Bees are more likely to sting if you get agitated. Of course you don't want to pet them, but being gentle is definitely the way to go.

Start yelling and rushing around, and they'll sense the danger. Swat at them, trying to shoo them away? Bad idea!! You're more likely to trigger a fighting response than get rid of them.

I've had many bees land on me without getting stung because I stayed calm and waited for them to leave on their own. It's the ones I've (accidentally) stepped on barefoot or sat on that got me! Oops.

When bees come around, it's frustrating a.f. when others around me get all freaked out--and it's not safe, either!

go get loaded at a drinkery, walk towards your car as a cop watches you, and if he asks if you really are going to drive home in that condition, say "hell yeah, i'm too GD drunk to walk!"

Go to the cinemas on the first day of a newly released movie and regale the audience with off-the-cuff thoughts and critique of every aspect of the film (preferably negative), add some random non-related trivia and commentary on bodily functions. Make sure to spill a drink on someone too.

make a fashion statement [e.g. punk is the future] by ripping all of the dresses in the wedding dress shop