The Dating Pool Dropouts by Olivia Reingold

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Then I'm imagining your experience with being alone is different to those of us for whom being perpetually alone has caused serious psychological issues, triggers and a degraded quality of life over a long period of time.


Nonetheless, you're addressing someone who has had pretty much no taste of romance despite wanting to for presumably several years. Saying that to individuals in this position is liable to elicit a similar emotional response as telling abuse victims to be grateful that they're not starving children in a third-world country. It just comes across as minimising our issues.

The problem is you make out like you've struggled similarly to many of us here, but then minimise the struggle, and seem reluctant to entertain the notion that men could disproportionately struggle in a particular area of dating (when you correctly assert that there are areas where women experience more adversity). It comes across as you saying that our issues aren't a big deal, and women are the only party who disproportionately experience issues within the context of heterosexual dating.


Just for the record, I've made no assertions about either gender having it easier in dating (not saying you said I did). Both genders have issues in dating that they're disproportionately affected by.

I do not. You are misinterpreting what I'm actually saying. Read what I said carefully as well as the surrounding comments I was responding to over the past three pages. I'd quote them, but I probably shouldn't. I said that "[F]inding a date or partner does not equal success. Sometimes there are worse things than being alone." I stand by that statement 100%. Having a partner won't necessarily make a person happy. It depends on the partner and relationship. For instance, most people wouldn't like partners who screamed at them all day long and hit them.

Yes, I experienced loneliness and depression from being alone for several years (it doesn't matter what one's gender is when it comes to that, especially on an individual basis), but speaking from a personal standpoint, that situation paled in comparison to the trauma that I experienced later - trauma that still gives me nightmares, flashbacks, insomnia, severe anxiety, and daily panic attacks (i.e. PTSD/CPTSD). Obviously, everyone is different and has different experiences.

If people don't want to hear others' experiences in this regard and just want support, they could make a thread in The Haven. I will continue to share my lived experience unless doing so would break the rules in some way. You and others are free to do the same.

I am NOT going to debate this triggering topic further.

This sounds absolutely ridiculous. Nothing can replace the real thing.

For me, it would depend on the partner. Sex with a caring partner would probably be better than VR sex. VR sex would be better than the real thing with my abusive ex.

Yes! Somehow a thread that started out being about "many men giving up on trying to date" is turned into "how hard it is to be a woman". Maybe it's a better idea to start a new thread if that's what one wants to discuss?

The point is that dating is hard for men and women. It doesn’t need to be about which sex supposedly has it worse. There are other sites for that. People of all genders can struggle with dating to the point that they give up altogether. Making it just about men excludes many on WP who face similar challenges.

The point is that's just one thread. Making a thread about one topic doesn't exclude people that wants to discuss other topics. They could start other threads and discuss what's on their mind in those threads instead of changing subject in already existing threads. This was supposed to be a thread about the specific challenges cis men face when dating. Women, trans men, trans women, gay men, gay women all face different gender/sex specific challenges. Autistic people of all sexes and genders also face specific challenges. They are all worthy attention and put focus on but maybe not in this thread.

Last edited by BillyTree on 22 Dec 2023, 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Since “dating pool dropouts” can involve ANY gender - men, women, NB, etc., it IS appropriate to talk about it for any gender here.

If people only want to talk about challenges cis men face, they might want to post in a different forum. The reality is that many of us face the same or similar challenges no matter our gender.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 22 Dec 2023, 3:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The headline is a bit misleading. The subject of the article is actually "the increasing number of young men dropping out".

It’s not a phenomenon limited to men. Many women on WP are in (or have been in) the same boat.

If people solely want to talk about the challenges men face in a topic that affects everyone, they might want to post on a different platform. As it stands, people are allowed to share their experience as long as they aren’t breaking any rules.

We do not need separate threads for each gender and sexual identity in L&D.

Yet there is a Women's section & a LGBT section but no Men's section. If a woman made a post in the Women's section about the specific issues women face with dating & a man started posting in there about the issues men face with dating that would be derailing & probably upset some women. If someone in the LGBT camp posted in the LGBT section about the specific issues they face with dating due to being in the LGBT camp & a cisgender straight person started posting in there about the issues cisgender straight people face with dating that would also be derailing & probably upset some people in the LGBT camp. Equality needs to work both ways instead of some groups getting separate sections but not others.

Women don’t usually post about their dating struggles in the women’s section. It’s often more about female health. Once again, many of us face the same issues when it comes to dating no matter our gender, so there’s no need to make it gender-specific on WP. There are designated sites for that.

Women might be less-inclined to post their related dating struggles because of dismissive comments that have been made at various points in the past as well as experiences with harassment on WP.

There are certainly women here who have given up on dating entirely because of how difficult it is, though.