Doesn't Anybody F**k Any More? — Reddit edition

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Talking to people outside your social circle can be difficult because ultimately you need a way to strike up conversation. Especially in clubs where the music is loud and you can't hear each other. Bars are easier since they tend to have quieter music. Even then though... *internal screaming*

I remember I was on a bench one time and two strangers were having a discussion that was interesting. So I went on my phone and asked my friends 'Do you ever overhear a conversation between strangers and feel sad that you can't join in?' only to be met with the response 'You're weird. Why not just ask to join them?'

Apparently not everyone has such hang ups. It was a discussion about interior design so I'm not sure how I would've gone about doing so. 'Hello strangers, personally I think the second choice of curtains work better. Cool. Goodbye'.

And that's the thing. This is a generalisation of the highest degree, but I don't think many of us (Gen Z) really know how (or if) to make conversation outside of our groups. Not all, mind you, I know a woman my age who seems to have befriended the entire area. I'm a little in awe of her quite frankly. Although I do wish she'd tone down the PDA with her boyfriend. But I digress. I'm happy for her though, they both seem happy.

Being hit on at bars and hitting on others at bars, well, neither is great. My friends have encouraged me to approach women at gay bars but I never do.

I never know how to deal with men hitting on me either. Most of the time I just kind of panic and run away. I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me. I hadn't anticipated this conversation.

Uh yeah, don't be me is all I can say. It's awkward though because you don't know if "Oh, no thank you, I'm not interested" will be enough. Whereas, on the other side of that, when you're approaching someone, you worry 'Oh, what if this is going to make them uncomfortable? What if this was a mistake? What was I thinking? What am I doing here?'

Heck I apologise after flirting on dating apps as a nervous habit. I don't think I'm cut out for all this really and yet I find myself advising my friends on their relationships as if I'm not a disaster myself.

I find the experiment & it's theories kinda interesting but my experiences were very differrerent than the professor's when we were both going to school in the 90s. I graduated high-school in 2001. I kinda avoided groups in general, especially bigger ones. I did have a few friends but very few I was really close to. My close friends were all guys & they seemed to mostly associate with other guys unless they were in a relationship with a girl at school. All the sports related programs were intended by the school to be segregated by gender so that mighta contributed to my classmates sticking to same gender friends. I never tried flirting with any girls at school. I found lots of girls attractive but did not have any major desire to try entering a relationship. When I got home from school on a Friday evening, I wanted to spend the entire weekened watching TV & playing video-games while listening to music. I had no interest in going somewhere & spending time with someone unless we were getting food.

This is not only a small sample, but also a biased sample. Reddit is disproportionately young men. Also, men with relationships (or active dating lives) are less likely to spend time on forums discussing these kinds of topics.

It helps to have a real social life outside and not rely on reddit for dating information.

Most subs on reddit are more toxic than a nuclear waste dump. And just being near other humans can get you very physically and emotionally poisoned. Thank god I no longer have to spend hours each day in a building with dozens of other people. Or people at all.

Never mind who the "typical" Redditor is, I find the comments made by that instructor to be believable.

Some people don't want to believe those comments, because they want to reframe this topic as "young people today are experiencing SA to a far lesser extent than people their age in earlier generations, and so are safer and happier now". However, the comments here make plainly clear the fact there is a real problem. Young people can no longer flirt. They can't even socialize in mixed company, and the young men fear that if they hit on any young woman, however innocently, they'll be condemned for life to the existence of somebody universally recognized as a creep or worse.

Maybe you think loneliness is a good thing. Maybe you'd prefer to masturbate rather than do something intimate with another person. Please be aware that not everybody wants this.

Young people CAN still flirt. They do so all the time.

People typically do believe stuff that supports their preconceived notions/biases. The reality is that this is not valid research. If it was an attempt at research, the sample size is too small to mean anything. There’s no way to know if it happened or if he was really a professor.
You are simplifying and, thus, misrepresenting what people actually said. Some said this may be a factor, not necessarily the whole picture.
If people are worried about being labeled as a creep, maybe talking to women in a friendly way/getting to know them as people should be considered rather than hitting on them. Then, if flirting proceeds, it’s more like a mutual thing than something which could make the other person uncomfortable. Just a thought.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 16 Apr 2024, 12:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Yeah. It helps to not get invested in a particular end result (i.e. them dating you). You don't even know them yet. You don't know if you're a fit for them, or if they're a fit for you.

It helps to have a mindset of "I'd like to get to know them to see if we may have something in common" rather than "I'm going to talk to her because I want her number".

Also:
- Compliment things they choose (i.e. clothing, accessories, haircut, etc) instead of their body or features
- I wouldn't say anything sexual unless she brings it up first. (And even if she does say her sexual preferences, keep in mind she may not want to do all of that right away)


Even if she says she wants to have sex, keep in mind that consent can be revoked at any time, and it's totally fine if she changes her mind. I'd say something like "we can take this at any pace you want; and we don't have to have sex tonight if you don't want to". And I'd regularly ask for consent (is it okay if I touch you here?)

^ That’s really solid advice.

Setting aside for the moment, the fact that it sounds like a made-up story, the fact that how often others fcuk is nobody's goddamn business, and the fact that as a teacher, he should be focused on teaching, not getting his students to hook up - being that obsessed with how often other people have sex is creepy. Being that obsessed with how often other people have sex, when you're supposedly a teacher, is even more creepy. Being that obsessed with whether or not your own students are having as much sex as you think they should be having, is mega creepy. Taking action to try to help the pretty young girl with the waiting and wanting guys is hyper creepy.

Not to mention our supposed teacher just assuming what the young lady was thinking, how she was feeling, what she might want, and acting on her behalf without discussing her needs or even getting consent to act on her behalf in the first place. Nope, professor horny decides it's the right thing to do to just shove people together cos he thinks so.

BOUNDARIES. Y'all don't seem to grasp how they work. And that's why y'all get in trouble. Navigating interactions with the opposite gender isn't treacherous, if you're not a creep who can't respect boundaries. Someone tells y'all "NO", and for some reason, y'all hear it as "NO(t with out an excuse)" and start trying to negotiate, or argue, or gaslight, or anything else other than respecting the "no".

And again, whether or not other people are fcukin', and how often this occurs, is nunya damn business no matter how you slice it. The whole premise is sketchy.

I think it's creepy that he assumes girls can only be included or excluded from groups based on their fkkability.

Beyond the fact he's being highly inappropriate by thinking about sex and his own pecker when looking at students, it shows he's pretty thick. Perhaps it was just probability that she was the last person chosen for a group. We've all been there as men and women regardless of how we look, or *cough* how much we arouse the male gaze. It's also possible that the student might ..... you know ..... not be the smartest or hardest worker of the group regardless of her looks. Maybe she's not friendly and they don't like her for social reasons. Maybe she's shy and didn't indicate which group she'd like to join. Maybe she's super friendly, super smart, and the most extroverted person in the class but hey, that's just the luck of the draw.

It seems clear he doesn't teach Statistics, Psychology, or Soc.

^^ Also, if a women is uncomfortable or creeped out on Reddit, WP, or elsewhere, no one ever seems to care. The poor guy is a victim for making her feel uncomfortable. If people gave a damn about how women feel, they might have more success with them. Seriously.

Thanks! I was just about ready to delete it ( ), but JFC this stuff is irritating. We both have experienced this stuff with triggering remarks and even with the groomer situation to a certain extent. A big reason why I started the Being Groomed thread was to reassure members who seemed more worried about being accused of grooming than about actual victims of abuse.

From my OP in that thread:

I’d imagine that caring about creeping women out/making them uncomfortable would be extremely low on some people’s list of priorities.

I saw this thread when I was off on my break and nearly coughed up a lung. I think I might have mentioned it to you at the time as the only thread that was catching my eye. I'd forgotten to revisit it. I agree with you that there's a significant imbalance in the way empathy is demonstrated to people, or even the way basic logic is applied to social situations.

Gen Z are having plenty of sex. It's oldies like me who are starting to lose interest in sex.

My gen Z peers poke fun of me for my lack of experience. I know it's not mean spirited though.

On the whole not knowing if you should approach someone, I've taken to asking 'Hey, I was wondering, should I keep things friendly between us or are you OK with a little flirtation? Don't wanna misjudge the vibe'.

However, that depends on the context. Sometimes that applies, sometimes it doesn't. I only ask that if I'm feeling bold, which isn't a common occurrence.