It isn't really easy to make friends when Autism

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I can make a friend but the issue is that friendships may not last long because if I get close enough to express myself, opening up about my past struggles, and opening about my info-dump on history stuff, it will bore a neurotypical to death that I may not be seen as interesting simply for my obsession with history stuff. Getting real-life friends for me is an impossible task without having to deal with trust issues because now they may possibly try to "manipulate" me and "corrupt" me.

I had a toxic friendship once which caused my personality to be obnoxious for the reason that I was emotionally beaten up with constant derogatory accusations simply for my non-conformity. I am now 19 and I am angry at how people treat autistic people. Sometimes I wish I wasn't autistic cause maybe then it would allow for friendships to be easier and better seeing the injustice I faced in person has ultimately made me lose faith in humanity for the fact that someone who got close to me and comforted me suddenly became so cold and cruel to me and tried to gaslight me.

Gaslit I was nearly but I still had the consciousness to open up about the toxic friendship and just put it to an end. I swear! If I see one more person try to get close to me only to try to exploit me, I will consider no more future friendships and I will work my way out of this place and find a safe space or create one for myself and others so that I get to have a chance on fighting against the oppression.

I hate when people leave us especially when we need them the most. On the other hand, friendships rely on proximity where the closer you are, the more friends will open up to each other. Most people don't like it if you keep unloading your problems onto them. However, the biggest issue is that it's okay not to disclose when someone did something that bothered you. Instead, being passive-aggressive is way more important.

To be honest, I'm not sure it's easy to make friends for anyone.

Sure, being nuerotypical may help you in terms of being "agreeable" and pleasing others.

But in terms of finding people you have a strong connection with and a lot in common with, it's hard for everyone.

All mine faded away in my 30s, at 44 I've pretty much thrown in the towel. Looking back, I always had to put them before myself anyway. Now for the first time in my life, in the last couple of years I'm putting ME first at long last.