Should You Bring Your Autistic Child to Church?

Post Reply New Topic

Most of my church related problems at church had to do with my mother insisting I dress like a girl. I looked like a wedding cake and I have tactical sensory issues so it hurt...A LOT. I also saw other girls my age dressed the same as the boys and NO ONE batted an eye lash. My special interest at the time was Lion King. Here I am forced to wear this painful cake dress while the boys get to wear blue jeans and T-shirts with my special interest (which probably does not mean as much to them as it does to me). Yes, this for a while made me want to change gender but my ultra conservative parents wouldn't even let me so much as talk about it. If I were a child today, I'd probably identify as non-binary and my parents would either be more laid back or fighting the "liberal" school system.

My other problem with church was mostly because a lot of the same kids who bullied me at school ALSO bullied me at church and the stupid pastor told me to ignore it. I ran into him at a party hosted by some friends of mine and he asked me why I stopped going to church and I basically told him, "Because I've been coming to you for weeks to do something about the bullying and you just turn a blind eye." Oh the expression on his face when I called him out on his own BS in front of everyone. I still never went back either.

Most of the non Catholic churches I went to had a program specifically for children. Maybe Catholics do too I just never went to a Catholic school until my mid teens when my parents decided they wanted to be Catholic again. My dad was a real goofball and was always saying if I ever decided I wanted to be a nun, he'd have no problem taking me to the local convent to get situated. He knew I wanted to be a veterinarian and was one of the few people in my life who actually supported me in it. "You know nuns don't sit around the convent praying 24/7 right? Look at Mother Angelica on EWTN, she's a TV show host. I went to a Catholic school from kindergarten to the 12th grade. Most of my teachers there were nuns. You can still go to veterinary school or veterinary tech school and be a nun too. Maybe you and some of the other nuns could together and start an animal rescue in honor of St. Francis of Assisi?" I actually considered it too.

I just hated the Catholic church because my parents were VERY traditional and insisted I dress in what they considered "feminine". This was a loosing fight but I was threatened to be punished for it. Most traditional femine clothes are painful for me and if there's a dress code for this, this doesn't feel like church, it feels like a CULT. And there's a lady right next to us in blue jeans and a varsity jacket. VERY FEW women at this church dressed they way my parents wanted me too. My mom wore this weird lace thing on her head that looks like those things people have on their coffee and end tables for decoration. She wanted me to wear one too. I tried but I think a knife straight through my head would have been more comfortable. My mother told me to suck it up and suffer through it for an hour because Jesus suffered for hours for us. I'm not Jesus, Mother. Jesus did a lot of things I cannot do. I refused to wear it and she got ANGRY. I saw a Hispanic family one day. The father just had a nice suit on but the mother and daughter were wearing something that looked like what Mary wears in depictions of her. It looked much more comfortable than the lace hat pin thing my mother insisted upon.

Later I asked why I coudn't wear something similar to what the Hispanic women had on and got told that would be "cultural appropriation". Weird, when it comes to other things my mother was one of the MOST anti woke people you would ever meet. And they were dressed just like Mary, who I believe was from the Middle East so technically by her logic, that Hispanic family was just as guilty of "cultural appropriation" too. Middle Eastern women back then dressed like that to protect themselves from heat and sandstorms.

When I started going to church on my own and could choose what I wanted to wear to church, I liked it better. My parents told me some churches kick you out if you don't fit their "dress code". Again, that's not a church, it's a CULT. A church is supposed to be accepting. What if someone wants to come to worship but can't afford a nice suit or dress? I guess they get kicked to the curb too. I never understood the whole "Sunday best" thing or dressing like I'm going to a business job interview to go to church.

I really identified with Rastafarians for a while specifically because they don't go to physical made made churches because they believe their own bodies are temple since God's spirit resides in them. If it hadn't been for the belief Hallie Selassie was Jesus reincarnated, I would have identified as Rasta and gotten dreads years ago.

^I'm sorry to hear all about that.

I understand the aversion to the strict gender roles for clothing, and I'm sorry that the dress hurt you so much.

For me I barely remember what we even wore at church. I think we dressed up a little, but not like you did! I think I definitely still have the idea in my head that wearing jeans and t-shirts to church are inappropriate, for any gender. What a bunch of nonsense.

The funny thing is that some of the most far right churches are lax on clothing nowadays. I don't know if they did that to try to appeal to us young'uns. Very bizarre. Like these hardcore Trump-worshiping, gay-hating churches have women pastors and casual dress codes. (I'm thinking of the Charismatic/Non-Denominational group here, because I have unfortunately had a bit of experience with them recently). I'm glad they have women pastors, because it's nonsense to exclude women, but these churches are just a walking contradiction. You don't get to have your cake and eat it, too. Unfortunately these churches are finding success when so many other churches/denominations are declining.

Oops, tangent! Sorry! I could go off about that subject for hours.

Back to clothing, I was invited to church years ago of a close-friend of mine. She is in a denomination that I think is closely related to Calvinism. The church was in a small shopping strip place and was super casual! I couldn't believe her when she told me to wear just whatever.

Maybe it's becoming more of a thing across many denominations nowadays? I don't know outside of the ones I mentioned above.

Church was torture for me, one of many places I got dragged to as a child and young teen. I found it to be boring and pointless. My own view is, if the kid doesn't want to go don't force them to.

I'm not a parent but if I were, I would never force stuff on my kids they didn't want like church, sports, or what not.

My parents were the ones enforcing the dress code. My mother later realized this was a lost cause and just started insisting I wear clean clothes. Fair. And cover my legs. I have suspected ellher's danos syndrome in my knees and will literally fait if they are touched when unbent. I wanted to wear shorts all the time. Even in winter. I even did for a while when I was over 18 and my mother was no longer worried about CPS stepping in to take me away for the slightest parenting mistake. I got curious about sewing after I had a stuffed animal I needed to repair and wanted to make my own. I went to a fabric store and saw fabric with all kinds of patterns I liked, THEN I started wearing skirts and even preferring them to shorts. Maybe my mother should have just taken me to a fabric store, let me pick out some animal and tropical floral prints...then I'd dress "femine". I grew out of my gender dysphoria when people stopped trying to enforce THEIR idea of how a woman should dress and just made my own skirts and dresses. I never wear skirts to church in the winter because I have to walk but I do in the summer. Ones I made. I usually pair them off with a Lisa Frank T-shirt. I used to wear Rocket Raccoon (special interest) T-shirts to church and felt guilty about it...until the Bengals were potentially going to be in the Superbowl and even the pastor came in decked out in Bengals merch. I did not feel so guilty about how I dressed anymore.