Dad’s Girlfriend said something insensitive

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Couple things to note before going into the story: my dad was an alcoholic during my childhood, addiction (alcohol, nicotine, drugs. Mainly alcoholism) runs in the family so I’ve been around a couple alcoholics growing up. Sue has been told by dad that dad once had a drinking problem.

The other day, me, my sister, and dad’s gf (let’s call her Sue, for convenience) were at the grocery store. Me and my sister saw a gallon jug of Chardonnay, and were joking to ourselves about how we should get it for our wine-loving grandmother. We were joking.

When we came back to Sue’s house, she told my dad about “[me] and [my sister] tried to convince me to buy some alcohol “for their grandmother”, but i don’t trust that’s where it would really go.” Implying that me (16) and my sister (18) would underage drink.
Sue spun a false tale about a joke. We never asked her to buy alcohol, and we never would.
Sue was not intending for her tale to be offensive, her words came off as lighthearted.
She also told this false tale about 3 times in my presence. None of the times did i have an appropriate response at the ready, therefore i sat in silence.

I was very offended by this implication that i might partake in underage drinking. I have been affected by seeing alcoholism in people i love. I have trauma. Trauma i experienced as a child, and remember quite well. This is not a light subject to touch on.

Sue is a very nice woman who’s been dating dad for at least 9 months. Dad has most likely not gone into detail about his previous alcoholism, but she does know he’s sober now (7 years).

I know Sue does not know my or my multiple sisters’ trauma related to alcohol.
I know Sue does not know my experiences.
I know Sue meant no harm.
I know Sue did not know my father at the time he was an alcoholic.
I do not know if Sue has ever known and loved someone who was an alcoholic.

Sue does need to be informed that joking about this topic can be very triggering for me, my sisters, and even my dad. I am wanting to text her about it, but i don’t know how to bring it up, that’s my current issue.

if you’re wondering why i myself can joke about buying alcohol for my grandma and not be affected, it is because grandma is not an alcoholic. She drinks wine in the evening, and responsibly. I am not concerned about her relationship with alcohol.

_________________
AuDHD
Neurofibromatosis Type II (NF2)

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I'm sorry this is happening. I don't think joking about alcohol is ever okay no matter who is there. It's a serious topic that has negatively affected many people's lives. It's like joking about cancer, or car accidents, or something.
My first thought was that Sue is an a$$hole, but people do make mistakes and sometimes those are inappropriate jokes. Since you didn't say anything she probably thinks you're okay with it (not that it's your fault of course--she shouldn't have said it in the first place).
This may not be the best advice but I would just directly tell her that you know she didn't mean to offend anyone (emphasize this part), but it is triggering for you and your family and you would like her to stop. If she's a nice person she will respect this.
To be clear: I am not an expert and this advice is based on my experiences with telling my parents about something that upset me. I do not know if everyone would react the same way.

Thank you for your input.
My plans are to: nicely, but sternly, tell her about this.

_________________
AuDHD
Neurofibromatosis Type II (NF2)

He/him they/them
~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to send me a PM!

I’d say the talk was a success

_________________
AuDHD
Neurofibromatosis Type II (NF2)

He/him they/them
~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to send me a PM!