Hi all,
My name is Matt, I was diagnosed as having PDD-NOS (so ASD now) and also OCD and ADHD. When I was a kid, my old man said that if I didn’t have a routine - I’d get bored out of my mind and flip out but it was very hard to get help for me because I masked well and seemed “normal”. It was very hard to get a diagnosis for what troubled me because I seemed to have a mix of things.
So anyway, I’m 45yo now, and trapped in some sort of nightmarish anxiety cycle and I’m about to lose my job (currently on unpaid leave)
So what happened, was I was on a low dose of SSRI, and I was stable and working for two years doing great. Then I had a panic attack in a car that scared the hell out of me and has sent me down a spiral. This has happened a few times over my life and I can’t pinpoint why or how I get “out” of them, sometimes I just do.
I’m trapped in this nightmare that fluctuates but I seem to be in an anxiety induced dissociation state and I’m constantly focused INWARDS to my mind and I can’t break out, I’ve got racing thoughts (so fast it’s hard to keep a train of thought) and I have the intense desire to logically “know” what’s going on and I don’t - and that scares me. Usually I can distract myself but only in the evening (providing it’s a good evening). So it’s bad in the morning and better in the evening.
Also I seem to be super sensitive to SSRI’s but I may need it function, I’m not sure.
Mostly I’d love to meet others and peers that suffer from a similar strange problem that I can talk to and learn from. I’m hoping I’m in the right place. Thanks in advance.