No longer clean

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It's been months since I last self harmed. Unfortunately I keep making social mistakes and it hurts. Feels like I never learn from my past mistakes. I can't handle such big emotions so I self harm to temper them. Why do I have to be a such a disappointment with both socialization and self harm? I just want to be a better person.

You're not a failure, or a disappointment. Sometimes recovery has its ups and its downs--and it sounds like you are in a down period right now. ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ

I listened to Jeanette McCurdy's memoire, and she mentioned that when she relapsed in her binging/purging eating disorder, she would let that failure turn into a landslide--and she gave up on recovery for a bit. She said when she stopped striving for perfection she started to recover slowly but surely (she is now fully recovered). You can start your recovery back up again tomorrow. If you fail again, then you failed that day, and can start again the next day. Progress is never linear, and doesn't go in a straight line.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way... Hang in there Espeon. Have grace with yourself and your recovery journey

What Moe said. It's a day at a time. Never punish yourself.

As for social mistakes. I still make them all the time, and I'm 60. It's the autism. (Neurotypical people also make social mistakes all the time. I don't know what their excuse is!)

Recovery is difficult, but you are making progress. The fact of having gone months without self harming is proof you can do it again, and is cause for pride in itself.

I know how hard it can be to accept failure, but the fact is that you are in a different time and place, and that you have grown in the time between. You are a different person, one who is able to handle those emotions- by self harming when absolutely necessary, and less and less frequently. Nobody can avoid mistakes. As long as the general trend is an improvement, you’re achieving your goals!

The progress you are making is commendable, and measurable. Time changes us, it always does, and we can only do our best. I’m proud of you, and I hope you can be too.

It's positive that you can realise what you do. Try to go further. Why you consider what you did a failure? Why did it hurt so badly? These reactions are messages that our inner self sends us. Do not just silence them, listen to them, maybe you are trying to do something because you are told to do it but you don't really want it, or you want to do it in a different way.
You are talking about you. You care about you. You are learning. Be proud of that