hyperfixations

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Hyperfixation is a hell of a drug.

As fun as it is.... I've also found it to be debilitating in some manners.

For one, I've actually had hyperfixations in the past turn into legitimate addictions with highs and withdrawals.... my brain becoming dependent on its own happy chemicals. That was a special brand of Hell, and it's where my issues with depression first began.

My current hyperfixation, in particular, has been simultaneously wonderful and disastrous.

When it first started, in February, it honestly was super strong, all consuming in every sense of the word..... it f****d up my work performance badly and made me 10x spacier than normal.

It's calmed down more since, especially since I made efforts to keep it more under control. It's at a more reasonable level now, though.... still very much a hyperfixation.

And with how strong it was in February.... it knocked out my entire support system I had going for combatting executive dysfunction. The ways in which I kept up with hygiene, kept up with household chores, everything.... just took a wrecking ball.

And I've been trying to rebuild ever since. With not much success.

Hperfixations/special interests were and will always be my strongest autistic trait. I can't imagine life without them and if anyone tries to take them away, watch out. My special interests were encouraged when my parents realized I would get suicidal if they tried to take them away or limit how much I was allowed to talk about them. I never understood that. Why am I the only one who has to limit what they talk about? Everyone else talks about the same thing all the time? Those girls at school WILL NOT shut up about N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Hanson but I'm in the wrong for talking about meerkats all the time? Where's the logic in that? I have the same special interests since childhood.

Oh yes hyperfixations can really mess up my brains. When I'm really into something I don't eat or sleep well. That might be OK for a 20 year old but not good for older adults with work and responsibilities. I kinda only indulge in addictive stuff if I'm sick and off duty. They go super well with fever.

Most days I spend some time on my smaller/ordinary special interests. They relax me enough and wouldn't scramble my brains. I'm a special interest chameleon and like to copy other people's interests, even if they seem boring. (i.e. collecting pencil stubs. I freaking love pencils.) They don't last (usually only a few days) but they're enough to entertain me. I have a journal recording my ever changing (sometimes repeating) interests. Reading it later make me happy and in awe of how organized my mind could be when I'm interested in something.

OP, you have us all curious: What is this special interest you speak of? There's always that possibility that one of us has it too.

Meerkats: Well, the difference is that nobody else usually wants to talk a lot about meerkats. Too bad you don't know my niece. I think she likes them enough to chat about them (she's NT but might have ADHD).

I'll tell you what I can't stand: All this news for the past year or two about Taylor Swift. TALK ABOUT AN OBSESSION AMONG NTs, this has got to be the biggest one to date. Why are so many NTs obsessed with her? Unfortunately, her brainwashed fan base is so huge that there's probably some autistics in there as well.

She's in the news constantly. I don't read the content; I only see the headlines as I skim the latest news.

She can barely sing. She writes her songs, but to what extent? Just the lyrics? Or the whole kit and caboodle (i.e., instrumental arrangement)? I think it's mostly lyrics, but ANYONE can write lyrics. Listen to the lyrics of hit songs; many are cheesy and corny.

TS is the product of ingenious marketing. And it certainly helped that she had five-foot-long spider legs when she first burst on the scene.

Being that autism is a spectrum, not every autistic goes extremely overboard with special interests. I think the most I ever went overboard was trespassing in a stranger's yard (I stood on her back patio) to observe a tree cutting operation in the yard behind hers. I was transfixed and didn't even take into consideration I was trespassing until I heard a voice behind me say, "Who are you? Get out of my yard." I was 45 at the time.

My current pfp is a good hint!

Hellaverse, especially Hazbin Hotel

I probably have the worst hyperfixation possible. Two actually. First is video games. I literally cannot go without video games. I go insane. The second, is something my parents wish they never let me try, because I instantly became hyperfixated. Rocket building. I build rockets, most of them powered by explosions, and try to launch them. Theyre not fireworks, they don't explode in the sky, but a decent number have exploded on the ground. And one might have dented the back of my moms car. And possibly broken a few windows. Aaaaaaand might have cost her thousands of dollars in repairs.