Would your life be fixed at all if the destroyer was killed?

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I've been having almost continuous mental issues for over 3 months, now, and I can barely function, but this is the one thing I keep wondering... as, I've seriously no idea why I... never even did what he did to me... which is, obviously, not kill me... although, I'm increasingly wishing that was the case, as I keep feeling like he forgot me, almost... I just feel so depressed, mostly, but also anger, and I keep trying to contact all the people who were in my past, mostly unsuccessfully, so far (oh, after writing this... someone responded, one who was neglectful, but not even as much as the social worker below), but... I find that I keep redirecting my anger there, now, and if I ever manage to talk to them... well, I'll likely explode... now, the issue is... most of these, 'at best', what they did is be neglectful... like, this social worker I found today... apparently all over many sites, too... oh, oh, guess what?! "I love life", he says... goddamn I'll give him an earful of my f*cking love, if we ever talk (hope so... fb, ig, even provides an email, but no number I could find)...

Now, the thing is, as mentioned, at worst he neglected to do the job he was supposed to do... and, no idea if this could have been a factor, but he was, actually, younger than I am now, then, and less than five years out of a uni... just another guy who had a perfectly fine life, I guess... who couldn't care less that mine was utterly being wrecked, at that exact moment... now, he was neglectful, but one time he made this really weird threat (not sure if anyone here cares about what it was, so, I suppose, you can ask me in a private message if you do)... which he didn't follow up on, at least... so... neglectful, with one threat (there was, still, one other guy who... kind of fulfilled the threat, even if he never explicitly threatened it beforehand... who I just can't find anywhere, online, even in pics he could have easily been in... and this happens to be, now, I guess, the 'next in line' of my most hated people, since the primary wrecker of my life shuffled the f*ck off, to hell if only there was one)... now, I've had a kind of insidious thought, and I'm not saying I'm really planning to go ahead with this, or anything, so this is just putting out my mental issues out there (so, I hope I can just write about this, at least), mostly, but... I just found that this neglectful social worker (as it happens it's still his job, so who knows how many of others' lives he doesn't "love"?) - rents on airbnb, so... uh, anyone can guess what my insidious thought was? Hm, yeah, no? I have... a plane crash kind of a wrecked life sort of thing going on... and, whoa, this guy, apparently, is in the 1% on airbnb, or what the hell... so, yes, the thought was, as some might have guessed, if you're still reading, that I rent it out, kill him, and kill myself, I suppose... I was thinking about the latter, but what's the point of not taking with me some "lovers of life"? As I say, this is just some random thought, and, as of now, I'm more likely to just end myself, but even then, I'm procrastinating and hesitating like I did when it came to absolutely anything to do with the primary wrecker of my life, until I could do nothing anymore (apart from, now, wreck his grave, or some nonsense, which is symbolic at best)... of course, there is someone even worse than this neglectful guy, but I can't find him, so far... I, mostly, can't believe I can't do anything about the archvillain... can't revive him and kill him again (oh, by the way, him dying of natural causes... no use at all, I got so much more depressed, actually, so if anyone thinks a natural death makes your life better... well, it actually upended mine, but maybe others' psychology is different), or, even, precisely what he did to me... my mind is so screwed when I think about that... if I only I summoned the courage to do the latter, at least, a decade or so ago, when I had such a chance...