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Would like to date but end up doing other things I like

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chris1989
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31 Jul 2024, 2:23 pm

I seem to have moments when I feel lonesome and would like to date someone and try to remind myself to sign myself up on a dating site but I end up becoming preoccupied doing other things like my hobbies and trying to write one of my books.

Sometimes I feel is it worth me being on some of these sites ? I've been on Zoosk and hardly ever got any messages or replies from people and people's photos never seem to change. I've been on tinder and got a few likes and did chat to someone from there once but lost contact and never spoke again but then I hear that tinder is maybe just a site for people to hookup with someone.

I seem to somehow also feel bad because I am not one of these promiscuous men who has a lot of sexual experience but then I don't feel it's part of my nature and worry that having sex with one person after another might for some leads to mistrust, unwanted children and STIs (sexually transmitted infections) which worry me even though I know common sense says use a condom. But those thoughts and worries don't go away.



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31 Jul 2024, 3:48 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to have moments when I feel lonesome and would like to date someone and try to remind myself to sign myself up on a dating site but I end up becoming preoccupied doing other things like my hobbies and trying to write one of my books.

Sometimes I feel is it worth me being on some of these sites ? I've been on Zoosk and hardly ever got any messages or replies from people and people's photos never seem to change. I've been on tinder and got a few likes and did chat to someone from there once but lost contact and never spoke again but then I hear that tinder is maybe just a site for people to hookup with someone.

I seem to somehow also feel bad because I am not one of these promiscuous men who has a lot of sexual experience but then I don't feel it's part of my nature and worry that having sex with one person after another might for some leads to mistrust, unwanted children and STIs (sexually transmitted infections) which worry me even though I know common sense says use a condom. But those thoughts and worries don't go away.


After COVID, I started getting on the matchmaking sites. But, there is a lot of time-wasting going on. I do not think many people are serious about actually meeting someone. They just want to chat all the time on their phone, forever. So, I quit bothering with that. Does not seem to be an optimal way to spend an evening.

When I did meet up with women, there is usually something goes wrong, it becomes a single date only. So, not much point in me bothering, because there will be something I don't pick up on in time, and that will be that. People make snap judgements, just like that, snap!

I adopted cats instead and really like to play with my cats. I have gotten to where I don't feel lonely and look forward to being alone. I think it is the best possible fate of all. A lot of people in relationships do nothing but complain.



funeralxempire
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31 Jul 2024, 5:17 pm

Maybe you don't really want to date all that much.

If you did, you'd make it a higher priority.


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nick007
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31 Jul 2024, 5:54 pm

OP Are you more interested in the idea of being in a romantic relationship than trying to initiate a relationship & going on various dates till something gets serious :?: Being in a relationship was definitely more appealing to me than the dating steps to get there but very luckily I was able to skip that step in all three of my relationships.


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Mikurotoro92
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01 Aug 2024, 1:26 am

But dating should be treated as a prerequisite to the formation of a romantic relationship, correct?

As slow and time-consuming as it is dating should NEVER be skipped!! !

Would you jump into a video game without doing the tutorial first?

Skipping the tutorial results in missing out on potential information of how to play the game!

The same principles apply to love

If you skip dating and jump into marriage without getting to know someone first...you will be headed to divorce VERY quickly!! !

This is why David and I are waiting to get married & we will co-habitate first to ensure that we do well together in a marriage-type environment before actually tying the knot



nick007
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01 Aug 2024, 5:15 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
But dating should be treated as a prerequisite to the formation of a romantic relationship, correct?

As slow and time-consuming as it is dating should NEVER be skipped!! !

Would you jump into a video game without doing the tutorial first?

Skipping the tutorial results in missing out on potential information of how to play the game!

The same principles apply to love

If you skip dating and jump into marriage without getting to know someone first...you will be headed to divorce VERY quickly!! !

This is why David and I are waiting to get married & we will co-habitate first to ensure that we do well together in a marriage-type environment before actually tying the knot
I tend to read the tutorials after I play the game a bit first because the tutorials make more sense to me after playing the game some. While I agree it's safer not to rush into marriage, people can get into relationships & become serious without doing the dating step like if you meet online & become serious before metting in person or if your best friends before considering a relationship. Typical dating as portrayed by Hollywood is very dependent on superficial fluff like being in a romantic atmosphere or being fun whereas I base my relationships on deeper more meaningfull things.


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Mikurotoro92
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01 Aug 2024, 11:13 am

Even my neighbor Anita still dated her husband Phil before they got married despite knowing each other since they were kids

Dating IS necessary

Maybe less for people who have known each other a long time (like Phil and Anita) but DEFINITELY for people who are just meeting each other for the first time!