Trapped in a toxic marriage

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Today, I tried again to talk to my wife about divorce. Her reaction was mad as the other times, she menaced revenge and a wild fight. A daughter of mine, even if recognises her mother toxic behaviour and is exhausted of our toxic relationships, said that I must understand and stay. I have no reason for a divorce. My wife let them believe that they couldn’t finish university, that I wouldn’t pay their maintenance.
I resisted until they were adults. Now, I can only see a wild war with no winners, or a more definitive exit. And I didn’t find any support for a fight

Divorce is going to suck. There is no question about that. But it is short term pain for long term gain. I hope you find the strength within you to do what you know you have to do.

Yeah you've gotta do what's right

You sound like you know what needs to be done, but you're looking for someone to give you permission. First your wife, then your daughter, now us.

I think, when you've been in a relationship for a long time, particularly as part of a family, you get so used to thinking of yourself as part of that unit, and thinking about what is right and wrong in terms of what is right and wrong for that unit, it's hard to go back to thinking about yourself as an individual and what's right and wrong for you. It feels selfish. It is selfish. But sometimes you need to be selfish.

You're trying to justify this divorce in terms of your family unit. I've never done it, but I don't think it often works that way. It's usually one person jumping out of the boat. As rse92 says, it's going to suck. People are going to be angry with you, at first at least, and maybe they will or won't forgive you at some point.

Objectively, based on what little you've told us about you and your family, it sounds like you're miserable, your kid(s) are old enough to handle it, your wife doesn't like you very much but is terrified of you not being there and in the long run everyone is going to be happier if you get out. So if you want my permission, you have it.

If your children are grown, you will have an adult relationship with them whether or not you are married to their mother. So they don't need to factor into your decision.

Your wife becomes aggressive when you try to talk about divorce, proving your point that you're not truly a team anymore.

You need to put your physical, mental, and emotional safety first. I suggest talking to a divorce lawyer to understand the right steps to take, and in what order, before you ever mention it to a family member again. Get your ducks in a row.