Newly Diagnosed

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I just wanted to introduce myself to this site. I have been handling this new diagnosis completely on my own for too long. There are some specific topics that I am considering getting insight on and commenting on going forward.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers 4 months ago. I had never considered that I was autistic until about a year prior when 2 people close to me accused me of it during very serious fights (which I’ll never forgive either of them for). For “my whole life” I’ve had depression, anxiety and an abstract something else that seemed wrong with me—some hopeless amalgamation of other symptoms and mental struggles which made me feel broken. Now, most of those issues I attribute to Asperger’s. And that is helpful, especially for the future if I ever need to offer someone a succinct reason for why I am the way I am.

However, I wish I had never considered that I might be autistic. I am in a difficult grieving process over this matter, and for a while I’ve been in the Anger state. I am angry at the 2 people close to me. I am angry that it took until I was 26 for someone to suggest it to me (that includes past therapists/psychologists). And then I am aimlessly angry; I simply feel persecuted. I am nowhere near any state of acceptance, peace or opinion that this condition is a benefit to me. I am very grateful that there are communities filled with people who have successfully made it to that place. And I am happy that individuals have made it to that place, or somewhere near it. For myself, I have a long, arduous journey ahead of me to make it to that place.

I am a musician, primarily a guitarist. I’m an avid songwriter. I’ve also written multiple fiction novels. I wish I could dedicate my life entirely to the arts. Ironically though, I love math, but I am begrudgingly a veterinary technician.

I hope you are all doing well.

Hello.

May take a while for inner emotions to be understood.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!
I hope you can find some help here.

recent diagnosis is a lot to sort. It definitely does give us answers to a whole lot of "whys" of the past, and everything we believed and thought we understood is turned upside down. I am almost to my 4th year since I was given diagnosis (at age 68), things are getting better as I understand my own autism struggles and strengths better and I am making self accommodations to avoid the worst struggles and find ways to make daily life easier. Each little adjustment adds up, and one day it just seems like things are beginning to go better.

Take your time, be kind to yourself and others (nobody knew!) as you work through it, and I bet you have lots of "aha" moments where suddenly something begins to make sense after all these years.

Ask lots of questions, there are thousands of pages, youtubes, audio files and podcasts, studies to be found all over the internet. If you see mostly articles and info about kids, remember how it was when you were a kid and you will see how much may apply to your own situation.

be as angry, as frustrated, as disappointed, as vindicated and validated as you like. its ok and pretty normal/usual for us to have whirlwinds of emotions while sorting our recent diagnosis. Eventually things begin to shape themselves into digestible bites that are not so painful and you find new ways to work with that.
You are definitely not alone.

I reached 64 with no inkling of an idea that I might be Autistic. But I was increasingly convinced I was different.

Then in 2018 my Dad happened to meet a little boy thought possibly to be Autistic. And I received reports that several times Dad said the little boy was doing the same "weird" things I used to do. By the way, I was that kid's age in the late 1950s!

There were multiple possible explanations for this but the one that was most plausible was that I was Autistic. My bride and I read about Autism and we both thought it sounded like me. I found AQ and it said I was likely Autistic. So I got a formal Adult Autism Assessment. And it said I was:Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild)
and that I also satisfied the criteria formerly associated with Asperger's Syndrome.

Then I made a mistake. I incorrectly thought I was doing remarkably well in life for an Autistic. Then I made the mistake of searching the Internet for famous Autistics. That really deflated my ego! Compared to those folk I was not doing that great.

Eventually I came to terms with it. I am not as accomplished as them but very, very few people are.

I figure I've been doing OK.

And, when read about Autism it does describe me! If you're going to get a diagnosis you want it to be correct!

By the way, welcome to WP!

dcoll649, Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You wrote that you have Asperger's Syndrome. I have that condition also. I am an Aspie. Realize that even though you have some inabilities, you also have some unique strengths. Music is one of these strengths. Many musicians are probably Aspies. Working as a veterinary is a good career path if music cannot cover the bills. We have a close relationship with animals.

Welcome!

Just as everyone has a different diagnosis, everyone has a different path through life.
It seems to me that you have come pretty far despite the negatives of autism.

Some of us have an easier path, some harder.
It is hard but we all need to do is to figure out what is best for us.
26 isn't a bad age to figure it out. Most of us aren't ready for relationships before are mid 20s no matter what.
It takes longer for Aspies to gain the social skills needed for a good relationship.

For me, getting diagnoses unofficially with Aspergers was just a detour.
Most of my issues were the result of being transgender and falling into the uncanny valley between male and female.
The bright side is that I made out very well financially. That isn't unusual. There are distinct advantages fighting out in the business world as your birth gender and then switching when you have some sort of financial independance.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP