Single Parenting

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Hi HiccupHaddock

Worrybus is the cutest word!

Welcome to the thread if you'd like to join us more often. I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but I keep forgetting to look here for updates (because you know, scatterbrain ...) You mention that you're probably autistic. I'm sure you've heard this before but are you interested in a diagnosis?

Your experiences with an autistic child are very relatable especially pertaining to sensory. My daughter is an adult and I still have misophonia attacks when she's cooking (dear God - kitchen sounds!! !!) or when she's thumping around upstairs cleaning. I'm always on high alert waiting for the next unexpected sound. I also have issues with some of her scented products which can give me migraines or make me throw up. Burnout, lack of stamina, and constant worrying are a concern for me too. I feel like I'm in "Stand By" mode 24/7 and I worry about their problems just as much as they do -- but perhaps even more so.

Thank you so much for your kind words and I hope you have a good weekend with your son and your partner.

Dear IsabellaLinton,
Yes I did think a lot about a diagnosis, but decided in the end that I'd prefer to focus my time and energies on my son. I think going through a diagnosis would take up a lot of emotional energy and thought. Also, I think that reading books like Tony Atwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and books by Aspie adults such as "An Aspie's Guide to Life on Earth" and "Spectrum women", and reading WP forum, have helped me to understand and accept myself and given me many good ideas for coping better, and that getting a diagnosis probably wouldn't make such a big difference and help to me as those books and WP have. I love reading WP and all the interesting people and threads here, it helps me a lot.
Does it make sense?
Did you find it useful getting a diagnosis for you?

I understand your rationale and yes, it makes perfect sense. Everyone needs to do what's best for them. In my case the kids were already adults when I went for an assessment, so I had a little more time for autonomous reflection and self-absorption. I wanted an assessment as part of my recovery from C-PTSD. Without knowing what made me vulnerable to exploitation and abuse I would always blame myself and go through cycles of guilt / shame about trauma. Knowing I was autistic helped me to forgive myself for a lot of bad judgment calls, naive decisions, and poor self-advocacy skills.

My report doesn't just talk about Autism. It's 30 pages long and gives lots of detail about my co-morbids and functioning levels. There was a lot of insight about my development that I'd never even considered. Without the diagnosis I would still be struggling to understand who I was or how I feel. The autism label on its own couldn't fill that void. I needed concrete proof, empirical data, and objective test results to prove the truth to my very stubborn mind. I still need to look at the scores to remind myself it's real, so I don't spiral into a pity party or feel responsible for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life.

Don't get me wrong. I don't use the information to make excuses. I find it very validating but it's also helped me to find appropriate therapists and support groups so that I can be stronger in the future and, therefore, be a better mum.

https://youtu.be/M_JQO55Jemc?si=oww1B8n01BVgGxYa