Carefully curate everything I say

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It feels like participating in normal conversation as an adult even with people I am close to is a constant minefield and I have to pay constant attention to the things I say to make sure I don't just blurt out whatever is on my mind. On the one hand that seems normal, since of course I don't want to say something thoughtless or insensitive, but it's more than that. It's also not saying something that will be misinterpreted or that subtext will be read into.

And it's so exhausting I sometimes don't even want to talk or participate in conversations, even though I crave human contact. Often I just don't know what to say and that too is an act of constant vigilance, to come up with responses or remarks that are relevant to what the other person has said. Having a conversation is just so much effort! Is it like this for everyone? Or is it that the things I think are inappropriate and I have to take special effort to edit myself?

I have had a similar situation and think it is inappropriate and avoidable after a little training

The most recent curate example was yesterday when I saw you post the thread “This too shall pass?” and mentioned your chronic illness and the passing of people around you.I wanted to comfort you and encourage you to face these things in a more positive manner.But I soon gave up the idea because it was ridiculous for a 20-year-old to think that he knew how to face suffering better than a 60-year-old.

One of the common things I can't relate to autistics is the heavily deliberation of socializing.

That I have a very different idea of sociality and approaches in social skills.
So I can't relate to relying on masking, I can't relate to 'acting normal'.

I can't even relate of the idea of relying over the act of social passing as a means to protect myself.



When it came to words and wording, doesn't matter in my case.
Doesn't matter if I go all out or if I be careful. Outcome is more or less the same.

As for my language issues, it's are more likely primarily cognitive than a secondary or consequential of something.

And not something that's solely social related because it doesn't seem to evolve even with any social and emotional knowledge.



As for socialization itself, for me, it's all about me being able to level myself towards others, or make them -- which is very different than just giving what they want, very different than just modifying one's own actions to suit others.

It's the difference between understanding the flows outside from chasing and just copying them blindly.



No.
To resonate meant I never had to rely on words too much, nor had to be too deliberate with any forms of socialization.

I don't know how visible certain abstracts of social and emotional concepts are in other cultures, but where I came from it's visible enough... Or it's visible enough for me that I never had to be vigilant over.

Well, if I have real skills and actually enjoy being with people, I'd probably be someone who can and actually like to persuade others.

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Yes bee, I feel the same way. This is why I seldom speak. Verbal communication in real time is a nightmare for me. I feel like I always make a fool of myself by coming across very aloof/cold, or by infodumping and rambling off-topic. Then I have to ruminate for the rest of my life about what I did wrong or how I was perceived. I don't know how to script so I'm always just free-falling, trying to keep up but feeling myself drown in a mudslide of words.

I might seem eloquent on here but in person, verbally, I'm a trainwreck. I managed in my career because I could carry on about my special interests and use factual information but when I need to be spontaneous or express and respond to emotions, I flounder. It's the hardest part of my relationship hands-down.