Ailing Parent Hallucinating

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TLDR: I hate this hospital.



In today's installment of "My life is fuckkkkked ...."


Where to start.

Mum went in hospital with broken hip on 11th.
48+ hour wait for hip replacement on 13th.
Delirium ever since, but it's getting a bit better.

She moved to Isolation for Covid starting 19th (last Sunday)
No one has rung me since.
I couldn't go in to inquire because I have Covid too since late 20th.
They don't return phone calls.

I have Medical Power of Attorney.
I'm in charge of all medical decisions for her.
They know that.

Regardless, I've had to rely on what mum says.
The hospital doesn't tell me anything.

I've talked to one doctor in two weeks.
It was 20 seconds with the surgeon to say hip surgery went OK.
No doctor since.

-------

Mum told me Friday they moved her out of Isolation to a normal double room.
She said her Covid was gone.
I would have visited her, but I'm still positive for Covid.
My brother went to see her yesterday for the first time, in my place.

Today I found out she's NOT out of Isolation.
She was moved to a two-person Isolation room (??)
Shared ... Isolation???! !!

She and her roommate both have Covid.
She's not doing well either.

My brother was in the Isolation room with two people with Covid.
He just finished having Bronchitis and Salmonella when he went in.
Today he has Covid symptoms.





I haven't been near him so he got it from mum and roommate.

I finally got a nurse on the phone.
I asked WTF - Why didn't we know she was still in Isolation?! !!

Were they planning to tell her, or me?

They never even told me she moved rooms, period.
She told me that herself.

She was told she was leaving Isolation and going back to a double.
They somehow forgot to mention it was double Isolation.

Did they remember she's delirious and might not understand???!

Why did they allow my brother in there without warning or hazmat clothes?!
He didn't even wear a mask because he didn't know he needed one.

Why is the other lady's daughter in there all the time, according to mum?!







To make it all worse mum's Haemoglobin (oxygen) level is dangerously low.
They've been doing back-to-back blood tests.
They will need to do a blood transfusion if she drops 5% lower.

Her iron count is only 3.
She's on I.V. iron now so she won't die from anaemia.

They say the low oxygen / anaemia is because of her Covid.
DUH.

Meanwhile they're keeping her with someone else with Covid?!?!?

Have they done an x-ray for pneumonia?? --- no.
Does she need antibiotics?? --- no idea, they haven't done x-ray.

Are they giving her Covid antivirals?? --- no.
Isn't there a Covid antiviral now?? -- no, just wait it out (!?!?!)

Do they remember her kidneys are only working at 30%????! !
They aren't sure if the doctor knows that, but maybe.

Can I talk to a doctor?
No, there's no one on call today being Sunday.

What kind of doctor is it??
It's a "Hospitalist" -- What the hell is that?!

If she needs a blood transfusion are they getting a Haematologist?
They don't know.


-------

Can I go in??
No, because I have Covid and she's in Isolation ...

But my brother went in ...
The lady's daughter goes in ...

"Oh, we didn't know that ..."


Rinse and repeat.


I hate that hospital so much.
It's the place that killed my dad.
The ambulance took her there when she broke her hip.
We had no say because it was closer.

We aren't allowed to transfer her out.



--------


Meanwhile my own oxygen is now critically low at 88.

I should go to hospital by ambulance and maybe I can be her roommate.
That might solve everything.

{{{Issy}}}

That all sounds awful.

Are you going to the hospital to get yourself checked out?

It's so annoying, not just for my mother's sake but now my brother being ill again?
He's been through enough with his health (also cancer, lost vision, etc.)
Not to mention I need him to help with my mum in hospital or if she goes home.
I'm scared they'll decide her Covid's gone next week, and send her home.

She still can't walk or get up unassisted.
She's still in diapers.
She's still not lucid.
She doesn't want .... a certain housemate of hers to be there when she gets out.

As for me, I feel OK so I'm not rushing to any hospitals.
I have a goopy cough but my fever's gone and I'm otherwise getting better.
It's weird why my oxygen is so low.
I'm not struggling to breathe or anything, but I do get dizzy / tingly.

It would add more chaos for me to leave the pets.
Chances are I wouldn't get to be anywhere near my mum.
I wouldn't even choose to go to that hospital, ideally.

I'm using the air purifier and a fan, or going out back for fresh air.
MD and MR make me check every hour.


Update: Now it's 87, even when I put new batteries.

Who is in charge of medical decisions made about your mom? I had POA and health care POA for my mother as she deteriorated in her mental health, as well as her physical health. She had parkinsons, dementia, was quite autistic but all her "symptoms" were attributed to her dementia at the time ... she had terrible upsetting hallucinations and as time went on I finally told them I didn't care how sedated she was, I did not want her to suffer continually with being so upset over the dementia/hallucinations ... they gave her stuff that made her sleep most of the time. that seemed to me to be more humane than the constant misery and fear of her mental state. If you are in charge of her medications, perhaps this would give her (and your family) some peace. It is so hard to know what is right to do , so many decisions about care to make. Perhaps a family council would give all of you some peace over this. Hope things are leveling out for you and that you can take time for self care .

time to look at finding a care facility for her? Do the hospitals there have social workers who can help you find a place for her or arrange a caretaker situation somewhere for her. Are you expected to be her only care giver? It is OK to tell the others NO, some things are beyond one person's ability to handle. If your mom needs a personal social worker or other "official" representative to find a place for her in the system (health care system, medical and social systems) where you live, now might be a good time to get that into the works.

I'm her Medical and Legal POA, shared with my brother.

The hospital is frustrating me so much I can't even write about it anymore.

I spoke to a nurse on the phone Sunday.
I asked to speak to him again Monday and I heard him say no, he already talked to me.
Then he copped an attitude.

I guess I'm only allowed one question a day?

They still want to do a blood transfusion, so that's the latest drama.

Care homes are $3K / month.
In-home care is $5K / month.

My brother's common-law partner is a licensed geriatric nurse.
She'll do it if we give her a claim on my mother's house as payment.
She's a gold digger who's already using him.

Uhhh, that's not gonna happen.

Mum is already refusing to eat in hospital.
In a care home, she'd starve herself to death.

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 28 May 2024, 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

At this point, it doesn't matter what mom's opinion is, what she wants or doesn't want, or what others want and want to guilt you with. If you are responsible for her care, Find out what the options are for institutional care facilities, get her on a few waiting lists, being released from hospital can't be done if you don't have the facilites to care for her at home, so the hospital will get really active to try to help find a bed for her in a nursing home or care facility. She will get priority over more able individuals and qualify for medicare/ social security assistance that in the USA facilities must accept once her other financial resources are used up. Who has responsibility for Mom's bills and making sure they are paid, etc right now? Lots of details to take care of, but you do not have to bring her home ....

My brother pays all her bills and always has, using her money.
She doesn't know how to use computers so he does it for her.

Her house is worth millions in inheritance.
We aren't going to forfeit that as payment for care.

*Sorry I can't write right now. Will try later.*

If you have a local sr citizens center, help and advice for getting care for disabled seniors is often available, or referral to others who can help might also be available, Senior citizens council on ageing, disability programs may also be available. Its a horrible thing to have to deal with, I know you are distressed and scrambling, for me finding good useful information on what was available and how it all worked was the worst part of the battle.

hope you are able to work it out. Managing an estate worth millions is completely different struggle than the one I encountered. I am sure you will figure it out. best wishes.

Does the hospital have a patients advocate office ?. In the USA pretty much all medical personnel, have to answer to them regarding care. . If you have doubts about your mothers situation. Am So sorry you have been having to deal with these things . It feel Trajic at times ...somedays.

Thank you both. ^^

I hope I didn't make her sound wealthy as she lives on a shoestring budget. It's just that my parents bought the house over 50 years ago in a good neighbourhood and it's appreciated considerably over the years. She doesn't want to leave the house and my brother hopes to live in it someday, so we don't want to liquidate if we can avoid it. That's the only way we'll be able to pay for a carer if we don't do the caring ourselves.

I should add that our hospital care is free unlike in USA so there's no expense where she is despite the crappy communication we've had to endure. They just told me today that they'll likely move her out of Surgical to a Rehab part of the hospital where she can stay also for free for as long as needed. That sounds great and everything but I know from seeing the place that it's not nice. Lots of patients are elderly with post-surgical delirium, screaming out loud, having injuries, etc., and she may need to share a room with up to three others which is always a problem because of her sensory issues (ND / ASD) and her entrenched routines from living alone for so long. Her iron is still an issue and she might still need a blood transfusion but that can be monitored from the new spot, if and when they relocate her. She would also need to test negative for Covid first.

The plan is NOT to leave her there indefinitely, but to work more diligently on her hip PT so she can at least dress herself or get to the toilet. Perhaps up and down a couple of steps, as a long range goal.

My mother and brother have officially snapped.

I'll be away for mental health reasons until this s**t gets settled.



Thanks everyone who has tried to help.

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself.

Please hang in there. .and do not forget your iwn self care...as I have in the past when in extremely stressful times.