ASD GF, neurotypical BF- I need advice

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I am new to this, idk what I am doing. I have never posted on a forum except reddit...and reddit is a little lame imo.
I'll start out with a bit about me: I have Autism *shocker* I was diagnosed at 2yrs old and went under experimental therapy at the time. I went from "she'll never be able to talk, have relationships, be in a normal classroom, or function in society." To graduating with honors, having and losing 11yr friendships, speaking and functioning very well to be honest. I am not here for applause, I absolutely hate it. My mom parades around like it is a miracle, I used to be grateful....but thats all she talks about with me and nothing more, she treats me like crap compared to my brother who she babies
She does it for show, if that makes sense. It's something anyone close to me has seen so it isn't all in my head. If I even mention slightly how I feel, she calls me delusional. I barely visit my family because of it. So, I feel trapped in my current situation:
Now my current situation is my relationship, we are going on 4yrs. We have had ups and downs. His "only issue" with me is that I am disorganized. I try to stay organized but it is so hard. I get forgetful and misplace things. Tbh, he is a "millennial beige mom" and I'm definitely a colorful loving Gen Z....I don't mind mild disorganization...but he gets livid if one thing is out of place. He has never been diagnosed but I feel like he might have ASD or OCD as he is more peculiar about certain things than most NT people I have meet. He could even have some kind of control disorder, and I'll never know because the man won't even go to the doctor, much less a psychologist.
I love him, flaws and all. He means so much and I know my disorganization makes him mad. He has stopped complimenting me or showing me any affection. I try but I don't know how to handle it. My mind is more disorganized than my tiny space. It's not like it is clothes or trash, it's my crafting supplies and nicknaks. I cannot afford a cabinet for it so it's stacked by my desk and on my desk. My desk has my laptop and paints on it, that's it. Yet, that makes him mad. I forget to vacuum sometimes, he gets mad. How can I better remind myself? I have asked him if we could maybe make a honey to do list, he says he shouldn't have to ask. I try telling him, it isn't asking...it is for reminding. He gets mad. He says it just shows how ungrateful I am. I don't understand.
He tells me no man wants a woman who cannot clean. It's not that I cannot, it's that I forget. He says I keep making excuses. I don't think I am, I'm saying why I forget and offering solutions so it doesn't happen again. I just feel so hopeless and useless. I just need advice. I need to know how I can fix myself and make it easier for me to see what bothers him without him going off on me.

Sounds like he needs attitude adjustment.
If you want to keep him, (and you've provided little evidence he's worth it) I'd suggest a cattleprod.
Just the sound of it is enough to bring unruly children and boyfriends into line.
Should he leave, you've just proved he's not prepared to fight for you.

It's only when we fight, we have had a lot of great times and he has been there for me with my mom. It's just he is very immature when it comes to arguments. He claims I never want to admit when I am wrong but I think he's more at fault of that.
I understand what it looks like as I did post this out of a dark place, he isn't bad. I'm not asking fully for advice on my relationship....more on how I can get better organized. I know some people with ASD are very organized, I want to know how to be better at that.
Plus, from my past history...he is honestly one of the better men I have ever meet in my life. He's immature but not the worst person.

Organisation is not something I could help anyone with because i. Don't plan ahea
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I'm going to be blunt about this: I see some red and some yellow flags hovering over your BF.

He's angry about a small amount of clutter in your own personal space, he rejects the fact that you have an organic problem with organizing and remembering a few things, he refuses a perfectly logical and commonly used solution--a list of chores is a great compromise--and continues to aim the blame directly at you. (Is he incapable of vacuuming? Who is he to decide when it's to be done, anyway?) He pouts and gives you the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way. He demeans you and tells you that you should be grateful (for/to him, right?) but leaves you tip-toeing around trying not to trigger his disproportionate anger. Don't let that eggshell-walking continue!

You are not useless, though I can imagine that your mom bragging about you (as if you're not the one who did the work) and discrediting your feelings at the same time--while also favoring your brother all this time--might leave you feeling like crap. You can't understand your boyfriend's bizarre behavior because he's not coherent! He's being irrational, immature, and sexist, really.

Let me emphasize something: this is not your fault. Please take care of yourself. You deserve better.

I'll throw my two cents in here why not.

The red flag I see here is definitely the part involving, "no man wants a woman who cannot clean." Let me tell you, I've been married for like eight years now and my wife is a f*****g slob. Still love her to death. But if he's willing to not only slot you into a stereotype based on your gender but also tell you no one will want you based on some arbitrary criteria, that's no bueno.

But to respond to your actual question, it's possible this guy's love language is to do small things for him. Maybe he doesn't want to be asked what to do and it would help him if things were done without asking. Maybe set an alarm for some arbitrary point in the day and try cleaning something, anything, and see if it helps. If it doesn't? Well then there's probably other issues at play and he's being pissy for other reasons.

P.S. I also use weed on a near-daily basis and I don't think I use it to justify being a dick.