Advice on how to survive upcoming trip?

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I'm so anxious right now. I'm supposed to go see a couple of friends on Monday. Haven't seen them in a long time because we're all adults with our own lives nowadays and we no longer study together. I really want to go see them but there are some major obstacles I need to overcome to actually do this and it's freaking me out.

1. We're supposed to meet at the family summer house of one of my friends. Swedish countryside in summer, nice! However, I have never been there. I have no idea how to get there. I asked for directions and they are very overwhelming. My other friend, who's also travelling there from someplace else, is very excited. All I feel is anxiety. Every time I travel someplace (to visit my family for example), I take the same mode of transportation and the same route around the same time so as to avoid as many unexpected things as possible. I refuse to change trains at train stations I'm not familiar with even if the tickets are cheaper, and I try to plan ahead to get a seat on the train I'm fairly comfortable with. I can't do that this time. I have no idea how to get from point A to point B. There are both trains and buses involved, all to places I'm unfamiliar with. Not only do I have to travel there but I also have to find my way back home the day after.

2. Oh yeah, I'm spending the night. Spending the night in places that are not my home or my parents' home is a big issue. It's always been an issue. Even as a child I was never someone who got excited about sleeping at a friend's house or going to camp etc. I could never relax because things were all different than what I was used to and the rules and routines were different (and unexplained). I'm 33 years old and I still have the same problem.


3. I don't really know what we're going to do when meeting. I don't think we have any specific plans other than to hang out, eat food, have some drinks. What if my friends decide they want to be outdoors a lot? We're in the middle of a heatwave right now and I'm extremely sensitive to heat. I can't stand it and it makes every other sensory sensitivities worse. I swear, it's like the volume of the world increases with several hundred percent when it's hot outside. I guess once the brain is overwhelmed by one thing (heat) it's also more prone to getting overwhelmed by other things (sound/light etc).

4. I feel I can't say no to this trip. I'm always the one who's too depressed or too exhausted or too bad at being spontaneous. It always makes me feel like the worst friend. I have to go. I want to see them. Just wish I could teleport or something.

Any advice on how to survive this? Not sure who else to ask about this because I always feel like I'm a bother or like I'm being childish if I bring stuff like this up. I feel like I should just be able to do a "simple" thing like meeting my friends without it being such a big deal. It saddens me that it's not.

I'd love to help but I really can't think of anything practical. It's just a shame you can't see your friends without it being part of a big trip that's causing you lots of anxiety.

I don't know that there's any way you can possibly feel any different about it.

I think you could give yourself a but of a break about not going, if it's too much. It's okay for it to be too much.

Do your friends know how you feel about staying places you don't know? So they know about your anxiety and your financial situation?

Because if they're friends you should be able to tell them this sort of thing. If they know its not because you don't want to see them, it's just the trip, that would be okay wouldn't it? And wouldn't they try to find an arrangement that worked for you too?

That does sound stressful...ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ It sounds like this trip is out of your comfort zone.

Have you communicated any of your worries with these friends? I wonder if they would be understanding, or willing to talk you through the plans for the trip. Maybe communicate that you have sensory issues and may need to sit out on some of the intense outdoor activities. If they aren't willing to hear you out, or be patient with your anxieties, then you may need to rethink going on the trip.

As for the drive to the summer house, I wonder if you could ask to carpool? If that isn't an option, then I'd say have multiple different navigation options. Does Google Maps work for this place, or is it like cardinal directions (go south on this road and then east on this road, etc.)? I suck at navigation, and get super super anxious about driving to new places (especially if they are far away). I am that person who leaves 30 minutes early for an appointment that is 10 minutes away. Just know that you can survive the drive, and if you get lost, you have resources to use to get back home.

I am similar to you, and like everything (my drive to work, my walking routes, etc.) to be familiar--it's comfortable! I also like to be aware of the details and plans. I hate when a trip itinerary is decided for me, and I'm not aware of what is going to happen. For the most part, the people that matter the most to me have been willing to work with me--even if it is annoying that I need to ask about the exact time we are leaving, how long we will be out for, what we are doing afterwards, etc.

I also do this fun little thing where I work myself up over plans. I dread the plan for weeks prior, and then go out and actually end up enjoying myself--this might happen with you! You might enjoy your time with these old friends. If not, then you know for next time not to go again. I try to reassure myself that I can always leave if I'm not having fun, I can always opt out of a specific activity if it doesn't sound appealing to me, and if people don't understand, then they don't deserve my presence.

I hope you make a decision that works best for you. Whether you go, or don't go. Maybe make a pros vs. cons list? Have some comfort items and food packed, and stay safe! Update us on how it goes (or doesn't go) ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

If you have sufficient time, you might try easing into things.

- Spend a night or two in a local hotel. Repeat until you get good at it.

- Take some short, random train rides. Repeat until you get more comfortable with it. And then make them longer.

- Use https://www.google.com/maps/ to explore your trip virtually until you feel you have a better handle on it.

And explain your issues to your friends. Maybe they can help?

I did such a trip to the Swedish countryside (and some big cities) for 2 weeks in June, so I feel I can possibly help at least somewhat.

Totally agree that it would be good to ask your friends in advance to understand your special needs. They're your friends, so presumably they know you and want to spend time with you, so let them know what they can do to make it easier for you to be there. If there's any chance you can meet up somewhere to do the last leg of the journey together with at least one of your friends, that could help.

Rome2Rio.com is a good resource for finding transportation options between 2 locations. (You don't have to be traveling only from Rome to Rio!)

Wear clothing and shoes you are very comfortable in. Don't dress in new things to impress! Long (or 3/4 length) sleeves in cotton or linen are good for a large temperature range. Much cooler in hot weather than a clingy jersey fabric like a t-shirt. Bring layers -- a light sweater, a rain jacket -- so you're ready for anything. Also: bug spray! Bring at least a few First Aid items, because you probably won't need them but knowing you have them will help your anxiety about 'what could go wrong'.

Make sure you have someplace to get away from people at least some of the time. In fact, ask them in advance if there's any way you can have your own room to sleep in, even if it's on an air mattress in a non-bedroom. But remember: if it really is 'only' an overnight, you CAN get through it, and then hole up once you get back home to recharge.

I just got back from a trip in rural China and the way I described it to people was that I felt like a para-Olympian who competed in the regular Olympics and didn't win a medal of course but at least had a decent showing. You're starting from a disadvantage, so even going at all and making it through the trip will be a triumph. You won't meet every challenge as smoothly as your friends will, but the fact that you're showing up and doing your best really is an achievement you can be proud of.

My brother lives in Sweden and I have a hard time visiting him there.
When I'm travelling far from home I like to keep in mind that the probable worst case scenario during any journey is not getting to your destination and being forced to spend overnight in a bus/train station, drive in, cemetary, hayshed, police station.(Yep... I've slept in all those)
I seem to have 2 distinct modes. Home mode where I have most of the resources to do what I like doing, and explorer mode where I have little resources and live to experience new things.

I tell myself "My destination is in the future, but the journey is now... Enjoy the journey, even the uncomfortable parts"