Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

FemmeDimanche
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Sep 2024
Gender: Female
Posts: 47

03 Oct 2024, 11:03 am

I’ve come to notice whenever I make conversation, I frequently center myself in it by m referring to myself with how I feel and my experiences - whether it’s intentional or not. For obvious reasons, I can only assume this comes across poorly.

Does anyone have advice on how to reduce this type of behavior? :?



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,383

03 Oct 2024, 11:41 am

Talking about yourself is a normal part of conversation, but you want to try to balance it by also talking about the other person. You can do this by asking them questions. Ideally their answers will naturally lead to further questions that follow up on the things they have said.



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,489
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

03 Oct 2024, 12:58 pm

Other than expressing and being more interested in other people, on top of the basic give and taking turns in convo...
Or becoming allocentric enough to be a part of something bigger?


Expressing yourself elsewhere where you are appreciated, or be picky about talking about yourself -- exclusively for those who truly cared or in need basis.
Or better yet, share the same interest and exchange ideas.

It's either a matter of needing catharsis (being seen, being validated, being sympathized, being empathized, being understood, etc.).

Unless it's your therapist, counselor, or someone who actually knows you yet also you trust and is very much involved in your situation or is very relevant to your life; don't trauma dump or basically bring up something a little too heavy.
Be aware of that at least.


Also, stop selling yourself too often if the convos are kept being redirected onto you; if it's not intentional, then it is usually in a form of a less conscious form of attempting to seek connection which is basically plain old loneliness.
It can also be seeking validation, affirmation, whether it's a step forward of backward for your ego could depends.

Or, if you wanna go deeper -- ask what the ego wants to point itself out and why you are the way you are, past the idea and justification generators noises and lies?

Or go shallower -- which executive dysfunction or dysregulation related issue are you dealing with bad enough that you'd tend to float back to the topic of yourself?


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


Timid Espeon
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 17 Jun 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 16

07 Oct 2024, 4:36 pm

I unfortunately have this problem as well. :( It does help to ask how they are doing, and give them a chance to talk about themselves. Sometimes I forget though. Socializing can be very difficult.



Carbonhalo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,463
Location: Musoria

07 Oct 2024, 5:11 pm

It seems to me that being self-centric is an end result of poor connection. Awareness of others seems a good target for thought.

Edna, I have to ask. Feel free to not respond if it's intrusive
Do you think rapid fire sequentially or holistic shotgun and decide in what order to communicate?



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,489
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

07 Oct 2024, 9:13 pm

Carbonhalo wrote:
It seems to me that being self-centric is an end result of poor connection. Awareness of others seems a good target for thought.

Edna, I have to ask. Feel free to not respond if it's intrusive
Do you think rapid fire sequentially or holistic shotgun and decide in what order to communicate?

Former for trial and error (I don't have RSD or fear of uncertainty to afford that, better if I can maintain internal regulation), the latter after I got enough data and already made some conclusions from said trial and error (it won't work if I have been sorting something else, or some sort of brainfog or too overwhelmed/dysregulated to bother).


Because sometimes, despite my years of experience, and despite being able to have it done it betore, it's like I'm doing it from square 1 all over again unless I'm in this ideal peek state where all said experience and maturity mattered and having a reliably accessible working memory which is unfortunately not happening often enough.

So I have to be as flexible as whatever's making me unreliably inconsistent and less predictable to myself.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.