My nightmare child. A rant. Don't need/expect advice.

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My son Leo is 6, he turns 7 in 3 mos. He makes us miserable. I am so depressed about it that I regret my life choices.

He doesn't talk, and does not communicate at all. If he's thirsty he won't tell you, same with hunger.

He won't keep clothes on, or a diaper. He poops on the floor and pees in our f*****g vents (this started recently).

We don't have much carpet left as we've replaced it because of him, but we do have some downstairs. He rips it up. He shreds things obsessively - he is obviously OCD as well. Just shreds things. Rips up the padding underneath the carpet and exposes the nails.

His favorite thing to do recently is to take his sibling's drinks and dump them down the vent. He dumps food down there as well. As a result, we have a fruit fly infestation that we are struggling to contain. I would put up traps but he would destroy them.

Everything he can access, he destroys. He rips holes in walls. Rips the wallpaper off. The worst part about his lack of potty training is HE WAS POTTY TRAINED FOR A FEW MONTHS. ARG. He reverted hard at age 3. I got him using a potty at age 2 but then he stopped.

He also loves negative attention. Loves pissing us off to get a reaction from us. He goes after your possessions and breaks them just to see you get mad. If you leave a drink down, he will dump it out on the floor.

He flips out at the smallest of things. Because of him, we have locks on every room and we installed a door in the kitchen and a lock. He flips the f**k out when we kick him out of the kitchen.

Oh and another "fun" habit. He also pees on doors. He likes to pee on doorways and the result is we step in it a lot. Its awful.

I am honestly dealing with severe depression because of him. I take him to the toilet about 1 time every 60-90 minutes and he sits on it and does nothing. Then I'll see him peeing in a vent or on a door like 5 minutes later. I have even stopped him and taken him to toilet and he doesn't go.

I've become do disillusioned with life because the advice we read doesn't offer any help. Here is the typical advice:

1. "Have you tried talking to him?" (UGH WTF DID YOU NOT HEAR ME WHEN I SAID THE DUDE DOES NOT F'KING COMMUNICATE)

2. "Put him in underwear and not diapers so he knows when he pees." (UGH DID YOU NOT HEAR ME I SAID HE RIPS IT OFF LIKE IMMEDIATELY)

3. "Take him to the toilet at a regular schedule." (UGH I HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG ASS TIME AND WHAT I GOT FOR IT SO FAR IS HE FLUSHED A BUNCH OF STUFF DOWN THE TOILET AND CLOGGED IT)

Yes, if I am not careful he will stuff things in the toilet and flush it. He got a box of nails I did not realize was under the sink and flushed it. He tosses whatever he can get his hands onto down the toilet.

Its like he is the most obnoxious person that has ever walked the face of this earth. He's caused 10s of thousands of dollars worth of damage to my house. I absolutely hate that we are left to deal with this ourselves.

Have you tried bringing in a professional like a behavioral interventionist? Sounds like you would benefit from some help.

Also maybe connecting with other parents of autistic children either online or in your community may help. Chances are someone has encountered this same issue and figured out a solution to it. It may just be nice to be heard by someone who has gone through similar circumstances also.

I cannot give you any specific advice on what to do as I am not a parent but I hope those two things might help.

Hang in there man, things will get better.

Okay. Yeah, this all really sucks. And you've asked for no advice so I'll try not to give any.

I can relate a bit. My daughter, who does communicate, had loads of toileting issues. She would habitually piss on the floor, often a foot or two in front of the toilet. She'd also wipe her bum on random things rather than use paper. Clothes, towels, even her own soft toys. Even that was infuriating so I feel for what you're going through. She still won't flush a toilet after using it, leaves her soiled toilet paper all over bathroom at 10 years old and will indulge in all sorts of subterfuge to avoid washing her hands after. Even though she hates getting sick and understands the link between hygiene and health.

I feel like I have to say this though.

That kid is reliant on you. I hope this is just a frustrated rant and you aren't constantly in this mindset of him being your antagonist. It's a very damaging place to be as a parent, to both of you.

So my advice, though you didn't want it, is to get yourself sorted out first. You can't help your kid if you're feeling this way. If you're feeling negatively towards him all the time, it's going to be hard for you to give him positive attention, and then he'll just opt for the negative attention he knows works. And the cycle continues.

Sorting yourself out might mean getting assistance as Canadian Freedom Lover suggested. It might mean getting some therapy for yourself so you can talk about his behaviour and how it affects you in a judgement-free space.

Part of parenting, I think, is learning when to put yourself first so that you can then be the best parent you can be. There's nothing wrong with that.

Sorry, i failed not to give advice. But anyway I hope you can find a way forward and come to see your son in a more positive way.

Scream into a pillow

Seriously though that sounds really rough on the whole family

Come here and rant and say what ever you need to say

No judgement

Moving to a different environment is a great way to break behavioural patterns. Hopefully it'll be something of a reset for you both.

omg I really feel for you, what a tough situation.

Try to remember that he's struggling too and is not deliberately making your life difficult. It's possible he is scared of using the toilet. If he feels there is pressure on him to go, he may feel too much anxiety and be unable. Then, after you've given up and left him alone, it all comes out.

Is it possible for you to take time off from normal life just to concentrate on him for a few weeks? To see if it might be possible to be there for him intensively and generate a bond? It might pay off down the track, if that's possible.

Also I wonder of there is a medical issue that's making his behaviour worse? Or gut issues, perhaps? What does he eat?

Maybe you could try makeing a door(way) in a bath (or something lower and smaller that can contain fluid) for him to piss against.

If it becomes the place he usually pisses against you could slowly and gradually make the door(way) smaller and/ or change it into something that resembles a toilet or a urinoir more and more, or just takes less space.

You need an additional adult in the household to help you, and/or you need to take him to a doctor and put him on medication of some sort.

Keep in mind that autism is WAY overdiagnosed. He does sound autistic, with the being non-verbal and all, but there could be something else going on, or it could not be autism at all.

My son has ADHD and it took us years to be taken seriously. Thankfully we do not have other children. He is now on an adult's dose of Vyvanse in the morning, adderall in the afternoon, and he takes some allergy medication to quiet his emotions. We found out the hard way that he's one of these people who can't take antidepressants or antipsychotics at all. But I have seen other people who had a Mr. Hyde reaction into normalcy after antidepressants or antipsychotics. You just have to get the right doctor to help you. You can't do it all alone.

You are at an immediate risk of some accident happening in this environment and either you and your husband splitting up and leaving one of you to deal with this chaos alone, or for someone to get seriously hurt. There is no way you guys can take care of yourself, each other, your other children, or your special needs son with him acting like that. We understand here.