What was the right way to approach you?

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bee33
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08 Oct 2024, 7:30 pm

We've had quite a bit of discussion about how not to approach women if you're man (and it can work the other way too) to not be perceived as creepy. What are some examples of a man approaching you (or a woman approaching you), or when you approached someone with romantic intentions that were received positively? Can be a stranger, coworker, acquaintance, friend, etc.



MaxE
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09 Oct 2024, 4:53 am

3 times I've clearly been approached without having shown prior interest:

  • (6 years older) Walked up to me and told me she had schizophrenia. That didn't scare me off. After some time spent talking to me l, invited me back to her apartment. After some more time talking with me in her apartment, asked me if I wanted to f**k. EDIT this was at a Mensa function.
  • (6 years younger) Told her roommate she wanted a date with me, who then told me. Although a couple of years passed before she and I seriously dated.
  • (a couple years older, lived in the apartment complex I had just moved into, in the same stairwell) Kept calling out to me in the stairwell if she saw me or calling me on the phone when she saw I'd come home, until I got the idea.

There may have been one other example, also someone slightly older than I, but I don't recall details nor am I certain who made the first move.

EDIT I've been approached at least once by people in whom I had zero interest.


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ChicagoLiz
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09 Oct 2024, 1:41 pm

NO PICKUP LINES! (I can't emphasize that enough!)

Be straightforward: "Hi, I live/work nearby, would you be interested in getting coffee sometime?" Or, if there's something to talk about -- produce section of the grocery store, museum, playing or watching sports, etc. -- then a simple, light question to see if the other person is receptive to talking to a stranger. If it becomes an actual conversation, that's a great start. "Gee, I really enjoyed talking with you. Would you be interested in going out to lunch/dinner/coffee/a glass of wine sometime?" And if the answer is 'no', well, you still had a nice time, right? And maybe you run into each other again in 3 or 6 months and it turns out maybe now the answer is 'sure, let's have lunch tomorrow'.

Just remember that the other person does not owe you ANYTHING -- not their time, or attention, or anything more than basic civility as long as you don't cross a line -- and that will come across in anything you do say to them.


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Carbonhalo
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09 Oct 2024, 2:44 pm

I don't get approached very often.
The last time I had a woman spontaneously strike a conversation was between sets at a Cosmic Psychos gig.
I'd been dancing alone for the set when she walked up and said "are you here alone?
My first concern was that she thought I'd escaped from an institution. (She must have been half my age) But the ensuing conversation belied that. (I wasn't alone, but she was being social outside.)
This was the episode that made me spit the dummy and demand either date night once a month, or encouragement to go off with the next person who tried to pick me up.
(If you HAVE to know, her reply was "why not both?" and negotiations followed. No surprises that I love this one.)



cyberdad
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10 Oct 2024, 12:27 am

never once got approached Bee. But when I was in my 20s I gave off menacing skinhead vibes (way I dressed and shaved my head not my beliefs) so I supposed I terrified most girlies.



CockneyRebel
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11 Oct 2024, 9:26 am

No pick up lines. Take it slow. Let's be friends first. From the front.


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