Catastrophizing

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When looking ahead to future experiences, I often think up a list of negative possible things that might happen. I do this partly to brace myself for disaster, but another reason is that I have this internal belief that if I think of some negative outcome, it's less likely to actually happen.

I only recently consciously reflected on the fact that I have these thoughts, and it surprised me because I consider myself to be a fairly rational person, not in the least bit superstitious.

The other day I was listening to a video by an autistic Youtuber (the channel I'm Autistic, Now What?), and at one point she mentions having the exact mental habit I just described.

Is there anyone else who does this?

I cant say I specifically do this, but I do tend to be very scared of things in the future and to worry and fret.

UhhI always do that, boyfriend isn't home quite when he said and me 'omg he'd died in a car accident didn't he, Ill never see him again and then how will I pay rent while greiving and all that too with not even having a job boo hoo sometimes I feel no one cares cause my family does not text me very often and when one of them does I usually take a really long time to reply....so maybe not so much they don't care but I never respond so they feel what is the point of sending me stuff so often If I never say anything back for it.

Idk I also just dont like instagram so much, better than facebook but still all may family is on there so that is a way I can sort of keep in touch a little, when I feel like it.

but yeah I have a big problem with that I always worry the worst possible outcome will be what happens when so many timed that is not how it goes at all. Just for some reason bad times seem to stick more to me than good times and so it is hard to have confidence when your brain is always preparing for the absolute worst, and you're not sure if you could handle it if it did happen.

I mean I know I am a girl but somtimes I feel like a little boy in an 80's fantasy movie where he doesn't know which way to go. and he needs to imagine fantasy characters. to help him through like neverending story and what not. But I never reach that end where I finally find my confidence to vanquish the bullies.

I'm incapable of thinking more than a couple of minutes into the future. I'm scared of "future" and time, and only process in terms of present and past.

Regardless, I have PTSD so it's hard not to feel impending doom at all times or be hyper-vigilant even if I can't conceptualize the future or apply it to an unknown.

For me, everything is anxiety-provoking no matter what the verb tense.

I used to.

There are actually layers of reasons, actually.
One can be separated by another.

I classed it as either 'emotion first' or 'thought first'.
Both do loop and feed with one another, and either can operate independently from another.


Emotion first looks like trauma response.
It draws from your past experiences, usually distorts thoughts and conclusions into something negative.
Whether it's hurt, fear, etc. It can be triggered because of something that had happened, or because of some flashback, or some rising emotional states.

Thought first is basically your mind using your own intelligence against you.
It sees negatives, regardless you've experienced it or not -- this is how some close-minded people are sort of made, and how one be involuntarily be closed-minded.
It can be a state of mind itself, it can be a mindset; like hypervigilance, rigidity, severeness, or states of denial.


One can induce the other. Because one and the other validates each other.
But I'm sure mine works backwards -- my emotions induces thoughts more than my thoughts induces emotions.

To most people, it's the latter -- to me, the latter is an opportunity; but it's tricky to perform.
And negative thoughts alone do not upset me -- but upsetting me will give me negative thoughts and it's always my seemingly lifelong problem.


For the longest time, I already knew thinking of something positive just... Invalidates me more than alleviate or help.
It's like denying what I feel than what I proving what I thought wrong.

Because if my problem is mostly thought first -- then 'thinking positively' or 'changing my attitude' would've worked already.
So is reasoning with it, which is less effective.
It's far from my problem since thought first seem to be a gateway to solve my internal problems than create them.

Usually for me to solve my seemingly lifelong pessimism is to solve deeply hidden unprocessed emotional hurting and grieving.

I never catastrophize with a thought alone. This makes summoning my own emotions trickier and less predictable.
Thus informations or misinformation does not scare or upset me.
Prospective dangers and risks do not scare me.

But when I'm not in a very good inner state or if it touches certain sentiments I already have -- that's when I'm vulnerable to catastrophizing.

The less subconscious emotional burden I have, the more regulated I get, and the better I approach catastrophizing thoughts and feelings.
Since I gained a real conscience, a real inner guide -- emotions first along with the sentiments fighting over became a bit easier to deal with.

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