Hello, people from the Internet!

Post Reply New Topic

Several years ago my therapist suggested I’m autistic. I thought I was more of an OCD and anxiety guy. I’ve read a bit and some traits fitted, but most didn’t, and I didn’t see the point in getting a diagnosis. „So, case closed”, I thought.

My brain, however, disagreed and kept thinking about it for the next seven years. I’ve been reading it’s ok to be weird, but it didn’t feel ok to be weird with the kind of weirdness which isn’t shared by others. The idea came up of the world as a poorly designed sandbox video game. Sure there is some great content, but for most part it’s just boring grind and unnecessarily complicated mechanics, with unequal random character builds and starting locations, so that there’s no chance for a fair gameplay. And maybe, because of my lack of motivation to play, I have such a low level despite the time played and quite good starting point.

In the meantime I became the old man - 31 years old to be exact (though I don't feel much more mature than in primary school, only know more words now, such as heterophenomenology). And then, recently, my psychiatrist recommended getting a diagnosis. "Ok, at least I’ll know for sure and stop thinking about it", I thought. I tried to make some objective notes, so I didn’t present a biased version of myself. I’ve written a 12-paged list of problems, bulleted obviously, invented my own disorder which better fitted the symptoms – escapist developmental disorder – and prepared the alternative explanation, in which OCD and anxiety create a false appearance of me being autistic. All of these efforts have been considered autistic, obviously, who would have thought. And then I've got ASD diagnosis (or rather Aspergers, as they’re still translating new ICD-11 classification).

This, however, isn’t enough for my brain. The neural council started to discuss the validity of the diagnosis. „Is it even falsifiable?” – asked the sceptic in my brain. – „In Freudian times, they’d have diagnosed you as seeing unconscious penises everywhere. How is this diagnosis better?”. „It took four sessions instead of four years of psychoanalysis” – answered the joker in my brain. „Diagnosis is a social construct” – said the pragmatist in my brain. – „If it turns out to be useful, then it’s valid”. „But are you REALLY autistic?” – insisted the idealist in my brain. – „Do you really know how it is like to be an autistic person or you’re just NT meeting some cherry-picked, behavioral criteria?”. „We don’t believe in binary distinctions in this brain” – said the relativist in my brain. – „The world is all fuzzy and subjective”. And then I told them to shut up, cause I have some work to do.

Anyway, I’m delirious and confused. I have million questions and there is high risk I’ll ask them here. But I do some other stuff in my life, besides thinking about me being autistic. I work in IT as 95% of the world. Also, I like computer games, soundtracks from movies and games, philosophy (mostly analytical, mostly of mind), computer games, absurd and dark humor, having distance to oneself and the world, talking about the lack of connection between free will and determinism (preferably, but not necessarily, while being drunk), Bojack Horseman, computer games, Monty Python, lately reading about autism, writing long sentences, and computer games.

Ok, that’s enough. Hope I’ll find some like-minded people here, or other-minded, but still cool-minded. Hello again!

Last edited by P. Zombie on 05 Oct 2024, 8:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

As three goblins in a trenchcoat I have no interest in being a dragon.

And probably you're too busy doing business in a goblin bank.

Welcome to WP.
with an intro like that, you're going to be here a LONG time.

Welcome!! !

In new here myself and been recently diagnosed.....I totally understand the parts of the brain that don't believe the diagnosis. As I've said to my counseller many times 'I don't feel autistic enough to be considered autistic' but he has told me that there isn't anyone way to be autistic, he hence it being on a spectrum....but my kind still doesn't want to settle on it yet and like yourself have started reading a lot on adults with autism (I work with children and teenagers with autism so have gotten much of my information from that foremost).

Computer games are my escape so I'm glad to see someone who mentioned Computer games more than once in their intro.

If I was a dragon I'd be a Wyrm!! !

Yes, that's where we keeps our skulls and shiny rocks and last bites of really good food.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Your introduction is one of the most autistic things I've ever read. (That's a compliment) I hope you like it here!

Welcome to WP! I think you will like it here.

I will note that I was surprised to learn I was Autistic, but the more I learned about it the more I believed it. From my family's standpoint I am perhaps the "weird" one; my mission is to make "weird" look good!

And I would like to respond to part of your post:

\o/\o/\o/"In the meantime I became the old man - 31 years old to be exact
\o/\o/\o/?(though I don't feel much more mature than in primary school,
\o/\o/\o/!only know more words now, such as heterophenomenology)."

Hah! You think you're an old man now?! Just be patient. ^{Said the 69 year old.}

But I agree the 69 year old me still feels a lot like the 6 year old me...though with more aches and pains.

I hope so!


Great not to be the only one questioning oneself. And congrats on the work you're doing!


I'm honored!


I guess they're making worse bodies these days They should invent something like age identity.


I was so excited about the warm welcome that I put wrong address when ordering a dinner. Contacted the restaurant, they said they'll give the right address to the courier, and they did, but to the wrong courier. Apparently he knew something isn't right, cause he just ignored the new address and I didn't get someone else's meal. The restaurant didn't know what happened - they said they'll prepare another meal for me, but I have to go there and get it myself. Then, they rememebered they already made my dinner and it's been waiting for the last hour in the restaurant. So, I went there and now I can luckily enjoy my cold dinner.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

P. Zombie Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You wrote, "We don’t believe in binary distinctions in this brain." – said the relativist in my brain.

It seems like you are trying to figure things out. So let me try and explain. You brain consist of two parts. If you look inside you skull you will see that it has two sides. One exist on the left side and it is the dominant daytime brain. The other exist on the right side of your brain and it is the support brain. It exist during REM and deep NREM sleep. But some of us die before we reach the age of around 12 years when this transformation takes place in normal humans. When this happens (a near death experience) our primary left side goes offline and the support right side brain steps in to keep us alive. Many times when this happens there is a brain switch and we live the rest of our lives as if we are living on the Wrong Planet.

The right side of the brain is binary. It sees things in absolute terms of black and white. The left side of the brain is variable. It sees life through thousands of colors and shades of gray.

So when this happens some of the pieces are broken. As a result we are different. Many things do not work properly. But on the other hand we also have special skills, very unique skill. Our brains never stop learning. We just grow and grow and grow. So learn to believe in yourself and your special skills. Use your special skills to overcome your weaknesses. And believe in yourself like you were made of the strongest steel. And avoid drugs, they will only steal your skills from you and drive you into chaos.

Welcome! I also struggle with so many doubts and at the same it's fascinating to know there are many things I don't know yet . As of know I am just glad I have found a community with a similar brain neuroconfiguration.

I can't remember which thread I posted this in, but I should have added it here in my first post.

That sounds good, I'll try!


Yes, doubting has also many positive side effects This constant feeling, that you don't quite understand and there are too many contradictions in your current understanding, makes you learn many interesting things.


I agree with the mug Now, only to find out how to become a dragon. Or how to be yourself if the first thing doesn't work out.