Too much "i am sorry" "I understand"...

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This is useless unproductive psychobabble.
It does nothing to solve the problem, nor is it likely to be honest.

In my experience it is a conversation-ender that allows the person saying it
to feel good about themselves and the person hearing it now has to shut up
and continue existing.

This is bad practice.

I disagree. I think it's a show of empathy. You're telling the person you have engaged with whatever their situation is. You're demonstrating that you've taken the time to try to imagine how you would feel in the same situation.

Ultimately, we're all alone with our pain, you can't share it or take it on for someone else but I don't think it does any harm to let people know that you feel something of what is hurting them.

Of course, this is something that ASD folk do struggle with, to a greater or lesser degree.

I hate that phrase as well and purposefully do not use it.

I did use it a few weeks ago. There was this young lady who had a child age sister in the hospital and the sister seemed to have a rare disease. The young lady was beside herself and was afraid the sister would die. My brother died years ago and I also happen to have a rare disease that will one day kill me (hopefully not for a long time, but still it's a downer). PLUS, I just tested my little boy for my disease. He doesn't have it (yay) but I know the fear that he may have.

I didn't tell her all of that, of course. I just said, "I don't usually say this, but I do understand. Here is the children's hospital I think you should look up." And then I didn't tell her it would be alright, because maybe it won't be. The poor young lady.

NTs want so badly to connect with others. When we can't it's so awkward for us. We'll just give up after awhile and say something like that to end the conversation. I don't, but I'm a weird person. I usually end the conversation by saying something odd and going about my business.

Eh.

It just validates my already staunch view of people's helplessness or apathy/laziness.

Could care less if it's genuine helplessness or a bluff to stave me off whether because they don't wanna deal with it or it's just me.


Regardless, it's a sign for me that this particular person will not help me and will not be someone to rely on; would then I look for someone more competent, making my own due diligence if others don't or can't.

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Depends whether or not it's genuine.

I agree that people often dishonestly apologise when they feel no remorse, and that they say they understand when they haven't even listened. I've done those things myself as a diplomatic escape from a difficult situation. I guess it comes from my upbringing, when caregivers and teachers would make life worse for me if I'd said "I don't see any harm in what I did" or "I don't know what you're talking about."

But when their apology is sincere or they really do understand, I think it's a good thing. I wish I knew more about how to tell the difference. Sometimes they show evidence of their sincerity - they might rephrase what I've told them, or they might say something like "If I'd known how hard that would hit you, I'd never have done it."

I received a fairly severe bite on my calf from a pitbull on Friday night, while away visiting my daughter and daughter in law. I just finished a weekend of people telling me they were sorry -- my daughter (who blamed herself), my wife, my older daughter, my daughters' mother. My first instinct, and I know I said it more than once, was "you don't have to be sorry, you didn't bite me." I had to understand that what people mean is not an apology "I'm sorry" but "I'm terribly sorry this happened to you."

I find “I understand” problematic because it’s always only partially true. No other person can fully grasp the other persons inner thought processes or emotions. “I understand” really means “I understand a little bit”, but no one ever says it like that.

Even though I'm not a qualified therapist, I sometimes have friends who like to vent to me .
The funny thing I have realised, is that sometimes when people vent, they do not want advice or feedback. They simply want sympathy. So I will say something along the lines of "I understand, it sounds like it's causing you much distress" hopefully in saying something like that, I demonstate that I have been listening and make them comfortable should they want to vent more.

I do not know of another way to deal with people venting without trying to give unsolicited advice.

I am deeply grateful and moved when someone listens to my sorrows and offers kind words like "I'm sorry" or "I understand." I completely disagree with the OP. (Not that anyone doesn't have the right to feel that way.)