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Female false red flag signals

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uncommondenominator
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Yesterday, 11:04 pm

bee33 wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:

If you aren't happy with the outcomes of your behavior, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. But you wont, cos you don't even think you're doing anything wrong, and blame everyone else - which again, is the biggest issue of all.

I think there's some truth to this, but it seems to me the problem is that some men on the spectrum are unable to see or understand what is problematic about their behavior, let alone know how to change it. The only option that remains is to withdraw and just not engage with anyone, especially women, ever, and that is a very sad outcome. The challenge is for both sides to give a little and for society not to condemn every little misstep, while the socially awkward try to work on not being intrusive. It's a difficult challenge, but most of the time the onus only falls on one side: the awkward having to do better, even if they can't, while everyone else wags their finger at them.


Kum-bai-ya-baloney.

I have never in my life seen someone who consistently acted inappropriately, who wasn't informed at some point, if not repeatedly, of what they were doing wrong, and what to do instead. Seems to me that the people that don't change, are the ones that argue and get defensive - whereas the ones that actually listen and accept, tend to also change, and do better.

Society does not "condemn every little misstep". People make minor mistakes all the time, and aren't horse-flogged for it. Again, the mistakes y'all are making aren't minor - y'all just play them off like they are minor.

Yeah it's crazy how the person who makes the mistake is held accountable for their actions, while people inform them on how to do better next time. The audacity.

How exactly do you expect to change or improve, if when told of your error, and how to improve, you simply get offended for being told you've committed an error, and argue that you haven't?



bee33
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Yesterday, 11:25 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
bee33 wrote:
uncommondenominator wrote:

If you aren't happy with the outcomes of your behavior, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR. But you wont, cos you don't even think you're doing anything wrong, and blame everyone else - which again, is the biggest issue of all.

I think there's some truth to this, but it seems to me the problem is that some men on the spectrum are unable to see or understand what is problematic about their behavior, let alone know how to change it. The only option that remains is to withdraw and just not engage with anyone, especially women, ever, and that is a very sad outcome. The challenge is for both sides to give a little and for society not to condemn every little misstep, while the socially awkward try to work on not being intrusive. It's a difficult challenge, but most of the time the onus only falls on one side: the awkward having to do better, even if they can't, while everyone else wags their finger at them.


Kum-bai-ya-baloney.

I have never in my life seen someone who consistently acted inappropriately, who wasn't informed at some point, if not repeatedly, of what they were doing wrong, and what to do instead. Seems to me that the people that don't change, are the ones that argue and get defensive - whereas the ones that actually listen and accept, tend to also change, and do better.

Society does not "condemn every little misstep". People make minor mistakes all the time, and aren't horse-flogged for it. Again, the mistakes y'all are making aren't minor - y'all just play them off like they are minor.

Yeah it's crazy how the person who makes the mistake is held accountable for their actions, while people inform them on how to do better next time. The audacity.

How exactly do you expect to change or improve, if when told of your error, and how to improve, you simply get offended for being told you've committed an error, and argue that you haven't?
I don't know if you looked at the info under my user name. I'm a 60 year old woman. I've never been accused of harassing or stalking anyone. I'm not standing up for myself but for vulnerable people who I see get blamed again and again for being "creepy" because they were standing too close or didn't make eye contact or didn't respond promptly or relevantly when spoken to. These are common behaviors especially with ASD men, that are very difficult to see or intercept when one is engaging in them. And all we can say to people who commit these faux pas is "it's your fault" and "you're not listening" and "you're not trying." Can we try to acknowledge that awkwardness is not the same as being creepy? Others in this thread have said as much.