Female false red flag signals

Post Reply New Topic

Kum-bai-ya-baloney.

I have never in my life seen someone who consistently acted inappropriately, who wasn't informed at some point, if not repeatedly, of what they were doing wrong, and what to do instead. Seems to me that the people that don't change, are the ones that argue and get defensive - whereas the ones that actually listen and accept, tend to also change, and do better.

Society does not "condemn every little misstep". People make minor mistakes all the time, and aren't horse-flogged for it. Again, the mistakes y'all are making aren't minor - y'all just play them off like they are minor.

Yeah it's crazy how the person who makes the mistake is held accountable for their actions, while people inform them on how to do better next time. The audacity.

How exactly do you expect to change or improve, if when told of your error, and how to improve, you simply get offended for being told you've committed an error, and argue that you haven't?

I don't know if you looked at the info under my user name. I'm a 60 year old woman. I've never been accused of harassing or stalking anyone. I'm not standing up for myself but for vulnerable people who I see get blamed again and again for being "creepy" because they were standing too close or didn't make eye contact or didn't respond promptly or relevantly when spoken to. These are common behaviors especially with ASD men, that are very difficult to see or intercept when one is engaging in them. And all we can say to people who commit these faux pas is "it's your fault" and "you're not listening" and "you're not trying." Can we try to acknowledge that awkwardness is not the same as being creepy? Others in this thread have said as much.

But even you're not listening. It's already been stated, many times, that the issue is NOT simply standing a little too close, or eye contact issues, or not responding promptly enough. That's just what gets blamed.

You're not listening to the fact that it's bigger problems than that, and that since they're bigger problems, it's a MUCH bigger problem that they don't see the damn problem. It's a MUCH bigger problem to keep doing it. And it's not always behaviors - a lot of times it's beliefs. Beliefs guys can't seem to help but express. Beliefs about women, and dating, and expectations. Beliefs that range from questionable to outright creepy.

Quite frankly, I don't care if you're a 7,000 year old salmon-crested cockatoo, you're enabling the same type of behavior by perpetuating the same baloney using the same terminology. Even if you're not engaging in it yourself, you're not exactly helping prevent it, nor are you doing these men any good by allowing them to persist in it, which is the opposite of facilitating change. It's catering to their feelings, and allowing them to further entrench in the same routine even more.

Regardless of whether or not they like hearing it, they're NOT listening, either. Maybe they'd do better if, I dunno, they listened? How hard can someone be trying if they keep doing the same thing, and insisting they're not even wrong? How is it NOT their fault? It's their actions, that illicit a response. Very seldom is the problem actually "everyone else".

I definitely acknowledge that awkward is not the same as creepy. The issue is that guys do CREEPY stuff, and BLAME the awkward stuff, while DENYING or JUSTIFYING the CREEPY stuff, as though they're ONLY doing the AWKWARD stuff.

And to be fair, it might not be awkwardness, or creepiness. It might be an insufferable attitude, or being rude, or being sexist, or being pushy, or any other negative traits that might make people not want to be around them.

Back to not listening, I'll say again, if the excuse is that they don't know better, then what makes them so confident they have accurately assessed what they have or haven't done, and to what degree? They don't have any social awareness, but they KNOW that they didn't do ANYthing wrong! How does that work?

You as well as them all keep falling back onto the same trodden path, over and over. Harmless quirks, harshly judged, shunned by society, deserves a chance, not their fault, didn't know better, it's in the mail, my dog ate it, it's in my other pants...

The claim that nothing is said other than "it's your fault, you're not listening" is absurd. People have been very specific and precise in explaining what exactly can present issues, and how to correct it. But when told, those people argue. And at that point, they are, in fact, not listening. Hence why it gets said. Funny that...

I daresay it's not unfair to point out that part of the problem is that they're not listening, when they are in fact not listening, and it is in fact part of the problem.

Pot . . . Kettle . . . Black.

It kinda goes back to when, where and how you present yourself both in a verbal and nonverbal way. You may (or at least think) you do everything right as far as trying talking to women but I bet your body language is sending out a completely different signal than what your intentions are. They catch it and react the way they do. I won’t argue if women (and men) over analyze it or not but I at least get why someone would.

If you have someone you can trust, ask them how you present yourself to someone both verbally and nonverbally.